Before my mom became a dub,she too was like your mom Tatiana..the extention cord was her favorite weapon to use. After awhile,she saw that no matter what she did to me,it didn't have the effect she thought it'd have,and only made me worse..I think it was that violence that fueled my Sociopathy.
There came a point where I lost control one time after she slapped me in the face..something she had never done before,and i sorta snapped..I think I was about 15 or 16 at the time,so we both were dubs at that point..I blacked out,and when i came to,I was holding her against the wall by the throat almost completely off of her feet,my hand was closed around her throat and i kept squeezing until I realized that I was actually killing her,at which point i let her down..we've never spoken about that day again afterwards.
When I was a kid,she had a CT done to check for abnormalities because I wasn't the typical kid..to tell the truth,I was never diagnosed,but I was probably a psychopath,I had been recently studying up on it,and I met most of the criteria necessary at that time. These days,I keep my composure most of the time..but just sometimes when the right combination of things happen..I lose myself. I hate when people abuse children,or defenseless people,or hurt my loved ones especially..those are things that are consistently a "trigger" for me,after which my mind shifts gears,and I become unpredictable.
When people want to be around me,I always let them know beforehand there are things that i don't like..And i ask them to please avoid doing them in my presence..As odd as it may sound,one of those things is..I don't like to be touched without warning..especially if i'm not looking directly at the person who's trying to touch me. I'm usually very jovial,and easy to get along with,but when things go bad,they REALLY go bad. I've told every girl i've ever dated to NEVER under any circumstance, slap me in the face..ever,she can yell and scream at me all day if she wants..just don't strike me in the face,i never tell them the reason,i just tell them "don't" when they ask why.
WOW...Kensei....it's like I'm reading about my sis. There were several instances when she got older that she would put bruises on our mom. Once mom shoved her into the french doors, and my sis fell down. Mom was kicking her in the ribs. My sister got up and grabbed her, and tried to choke her. She says she didn't remember doing it. My mother was a great face-slapper. She loved to hit you in the face. When you are beaten, called Satan, told you are worthless and you will die at Armageddon your entire childhood...WTF does any parent think that child is going to grow into?
My sister started running away from home at age 11. They put her in reform school when she was 12. She wouldn't cry anymore when my mom or step-dad hit her. The more they hit, the angrier she got. And the more she got hit. She set the entire woods and field on fire, and it took trucks from 2 counties to put it out. When I grew older, and started reading outside of Jehovah's Witness crap, I remember reading that some of the main traits of serial killers is that in their childhood they were bed-wetters, they set fires, and killed animals. I'm quite sure abuse played the major role in my sister's suicide.
