Do all men cheat?

by Save My Soul 151 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  cognizant dissident

  I'm not sure what bald, fat men have to do with it, but Avishai is bald and he looks damn hot. I would be tempted to cheat by him!

  I don't really agree that kissing and hugging are cheating. Here's why. I kiss and hug my friends (male and female) all the time as a form of greeting and goodbye. So, if it's something that is socially acceptable in all platonic relationships, can we suddenly call it cheating just because we are attracted to the person we are kissing or hugging? Doesn't make sense. Also. I don't agree that doing anything to betray, hurt, or disrespect your spouse is cheating. Those are all such subjective things. Some people feel hurt, disrespected and betrayed over the most trivial things. That is their choice and sometimes purely based on their own imaginations.

  Cheating has to be based on some sort of concrete behaviour that we can actually define. Since the thing that distinguishes marriage and romantic relationships from all our other close, personal, loving relationships is the sexual component, I think cheating has to involve a sexual component. Flirting, hugging, kissing, meeting alone, etc may be foreplay to cheating but they are not cheating. Touching breasts and genitals with sexual intent, is definitely cheating. I've heard of emotional cheating but again, that is so subjective as to be undefinable. That's not to say that flirting, hugging, kissing, spending time with or confiding in someone other than our partner is not hurtful or harmful to the relationship, but that is something that each couple has to work out the boundaries of for themselves through communication and compromise.

  A little flirting doesn't bother me, having lunch with someone from work wouldn't bother me, hugging and kissing in greeting wouldn't bother me, but spending time a lot of time doing those things with another unnecessarily when my partner could be doing them with me would certainly raise some red flags with me that cheating may be on the mind. Fantasies of cheating are also not cheating. If if were, everyone would be guilty!

  I don't think it is always an indicator of the health of a relationship either. My husband and I have been married for 25 years. Neither of us has ever cheated. The relationship is not good, though. I have been unhappy for close to 15 of them. I stayed because I was a JW and for my son. Now that I'm no longer a JW and my son is almost grown, I am considering leaving. I am not the kind of person who can lie or sleep with someone and then go back and climb in to bed with my husband. For myself, it is more of a personal, moral choice. Still, as unhappy and lonely as I am now, if I had an opportunity to have a sexual relationship with someone I cared for, I would be very vulnerable to that. Not saying that is OK, just that I'm human and have needs. I think that is quite different than being a serial player who just acts out of concern for themselves and their own selfish gratification without concern for their partners. I don't have a lot of concern for my partner anymore (which is why I want to leave). I'm not planning to cheat, but I admit that right now there isn't anything about the relationship that would keep me from cheating other than my own choice not to. Probably a good indicator its time to call it quits.

  Cog
• 

  nvrgnbk

  Touching breasts and genitals with sexual intent, is definitely cheating.

  Sounds like someone's been reading the Pay Attention to the Flock book. Tsk.Tsk. That's for elders's eyes only.

  LOL!
• 

  mrsjones5

  Touching breasts and genitals with sexual intent, is definitely cheating.

  Tell me this...when does a man touch them without sexual intent? Male OBGYNs are excluded.
• 

  sweetstuff

  I agree with Mrs. Jones!! She's a smart cookie.

  We aren't talking about "Oh, hi nice to see you, kiss on the cheek, hug" behavior. We are talking about being alone with someone with whom you are attracted and who isnt your spouse and doing the tonsil hockey dance. How anyone could define that as not cheating is beyond me. That type of kissing is sexual and need not include gential touching to be deemed cheating.

  So, ok, if everyone decides what's "morally ok" on their own terms in a relationship without consulting their spouse with whom they are in the relationship with, what is the point of the relationship, isn't it suppose to be a partnership? A meeting of minds, hearts and bodies? To say well, such and such doesn't bother me personally but I won't bother consulting my spouse to see if they are ok with it, is like a dictatorship, not a relationship.IMO

  If we all set the no right/no wrong paramiders as SFA suggested, (not picking on you SFA, just using you as an example) then one could also suggest that pedophiles could say, well, its a personal preference, who are you to say its wrong? Umm, hello, if the majority of mankind considers something immoral, then well, majority rules. If one wants to buck conformity, thats fine, but they need to be aware that they may suffer the consequences of doing so.

  A relationship is a two way street, give and take, honest communication, anything less than that, is a sham and not a true relationship. If two people decide, they don't mind their partner being sexual to whatever degree with another person, that is their choice and they have both agreed to those terms. No harm, no foul. However, if one party decides without consulting with the other, well, this doesnt' bother me so it must be ok, its the same as someone saying, well, I don't really care how you feel as long as I am happy and its all good for me, what you don't know won't hurt you.

  Well personally, I wouldn't want to be involved with anyone romantically who felt they could decide all by themselves what is ok and not ok for the two of us. Not much point in me having a brain of my own in that scenario is there? If my partner were to "kiss" another woman sexually, he is history, if he chose to watch porn all the time, see ya later, I don't care what any man says, they wouldn't want to be compared all the time to some six pack stud muffin guy on a porn with a huge one, as if! If they came home to find their wife watching it everyday and drooling over some man on it, yeah, sooner or later, they aren't going to like it. LOL

  I'd suggest to any of the ladies whose husbands say, ahh, its just a bit of eye candy, its not like I am cheating on you, buy or rent some porn with some SUPER HOT men on it, I mean, OH BABY HOT, with umm, large assets, ahem. Make sure he finds you watching it everyday for a week or two, and see how the attitude towards, "It's just porn, no harm" changes dramatically, hehehe. See how sexual he feels after knowing how much you love watching some other man in action.......repeatedly. LOL
• 

  JK666

  I enjoyed reading Mrs. Jones and sweetstuff's thoughts about the definition of cheating, i.e. kissing, petting, etc. It reminds me of a local radio personality that has the expression: "Eatin' ain't cheatin." Also of former President Clinton, who proclaimed "I did not have sex with that woman!" But he did have oral sex with her, and used her as a humidor.

  I feel that cheating would be having any conduct with another person that is attached to sexual arousal. A hug can be either innocent or prurient. Only those participating really know the difference. The same with a kiss, except tonsil hockey would definitely be cheating, IMHO.

  Do all men cheat? NO

  Have I ever cheated? YES, but other non-JW's do not think I did. I was married to a whacked-out dubbie for 6 years, separated the last five. On two occasions during that period of abstinance, I had sex with other women. Some say it isn't cheating because we were separated. I say it was cheating because I was still married. Now I also feel that once a decision is made to divorce, then the paperwork is just a formality and there is no such thing as cheating. Sometimes it take years for divorces to be final.

  Just my thoughts on the subject.

  JK
• 

  mouthy

  Window washers are not that smart and sneaky

  Have you ever heard George Formby's "When I'm Cleaning Windows"???? He says differantly
  Also after reading most of this thread me thinks there is a few noses GROWING out there
• 

  Superfine Apostate

  i wonder why everytime established morals are discussed, the pedophile "argument" comes up. that's got plain nothing to do with it. we are still talking about consenting adults here.
  
  of course in wonderland spouses share everything to the last secret for 60 years of their perfect relationship and then they die. but you know - i HAVE to make my own decisions of what's good or bad for me, simply because i no longer believe in the watchtower, and my spouse does. people change over time - and that's no big issue, it's pretty normal.
  
  she's got secrets, i got secrets and everythings fine - nobodie's perfect.
• 

  Superfine Apostate

  double post
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  wanderlustguy

  she's got secrets, i got secrets and everythings fine - nobodie's perfect.

  You do seem a bit sensitive on this one...but hey, just remember that we all don't have to agree all the time.

  But we all can come across as judgemental at times. From a guy's point of view, women are bitches about these things, however they say what they mean where as we as guys can be entirely too vague, we think "you suck because you have secrets and you are a liar" but we say "hey, to each his own, brother". Women say what they really think, which if it's viewed correctly actually puts the listener (or reader) at an advantage because you see the real score.

  One of the hardest things to remember can be that a woman can call you a jerk, think you are a jerk, and at the exact same moment love you.

  WLG
• 

  sweetstuff

  of course in wonderland spouses share everything to the last secret for 60 years of their perfect relationship and then they die. but you know - i HAVE to make my own decisions of what's good or bad for me, simply because i no longer believe in the watchtower, and my spouse does. people change over time - and that's no big issue, it's pretty normal.
  
  she's got secrets, i got secrets and everythings fine - nobodie's perfect.

  So not believing in the WTS entitles you to decide things that affect the both of you, regarding your relationship (religion aside) without consulting her feelings? Umm, seriously, I am not judging, I want you to know that, I am talking about the viewpoint, not your personal marriage but if someone thinks everything is fine and just dandy with that, I'd like them to pass me some of what they are smoking . It's fine, for now, until the fertilizer hits the fan, and it always does. They always rethink things at the point. Or the spouse who finds out does, depending on who gets caught doing what.

  No relationship is perfect, no couple has "complete disclosure" but its one thing to think he/she is being an idiot about something and keep it to yourself, its another to involve a third party/parties and think that's no big deal and perfectly ok to conceal it. That's a big "omission" not a little one. That is like walking on a tightrope, with someone below you burning the rope in random places, more than a little risky business. I say good luck to anyone walking that line, because sooner or later, no doubt, that line is going to break. IMO

  If you value your partner, you value their feelings, emotions, (if you don't, hello, get out, you don't love the person to begin with!) when it comes to cheating you don't ever dare even remotely cross the line, I have seen many good people cross that line, without the wisdom to see what the future will hold for them, it always ends in heartbreak and destruction, most often of the person who crossed the line in the first place.

  To regret our mistakes is wise, to prevent making them is even wiser.