Snakes, it was her loss. You are a fabulous catch for a deserving woman. Watch out Para, I may have found your competition.
Bobbi
Online Imposters: How Would You Identify Them?
by Scully 102 Replies latest members adult
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Bobbi
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Scully
Thanks so much for the replies so far. I'm looking forward to hearing from a few others too.
Do you know something that we don't know? Have we been "played"?
I'm just speaking in hypotheticals, tula, not trying to "expose" anyone in particular. As a place where support for the downtrodden is the norm, it's not a huge stretch to imagine that someone with a penchant for seeking attention might try to take advantage of that fantastic community quality though, diverting attention to themselves and away from people who are genuinely in need of support.
As I said in my initial post, it has happened here on JWD in the past. We've got some really keen sleuths here though who are very adept at ferreting out the offenders... I'm very grateful for their presence here.
This kind of thing has happened often enough in online support groups that a term has been coined for it: Munchausen by Internet. It's quite fascinating to read about it.
http://www.healthyplace.com/site/article_faking.asp
http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/chronic/faking.html
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Happy Harvester
Gracious! That's sad.
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Scully
According to this article on Munchausen by Internet, here are a few pointers to watch for:
Munchausen by Internet
For decades, physicians have known about so-called factitious disorder, better known in its severe form as Munchausen syndrome (Feldman & Ford, 1995). Here, people willfully fake or produce illness to command attention, obtain lenience, act out anger, or control others. Though feeling well, they may bound into hospitals, crying out or clutching their chests with dramatic flair. Once admitted, they send the staff on one medical goose chase after another. If suspicions are raised or the ruse is uncovered, they quickly move on to a new hospital, town, state, or in the worst cases — country. Like traveling performers, they simply play their role again. I coined the terms "virtual factitious disorder" (Feldman, Bibby, & Crites, 1998) and "Munchausen by Internet" (Feldman, 2000) to refer to people who simplify this "real-life" process by carrying out their deceptions online. Instead of seeking care at numerous hospitals, they gain new audiences merely by clicking from one support group to another. Under the guise of illness, they can also join multiple groups simultaneously. Using different names and accounts, they can even sign on to one group as a stricken patient, his frantic mother, and his distraught son all to make the ruse utterly convincing.
Clues to Detection of False Claims
Based on experience with two dozen cases of Munchausen by Internet, I have arrived at a list of clues to the detection of factititous Internet claims. The most important follow:
- the posts consistently duplicate material in other posts, in books, or on health-related websites;
- the characteristics of the supposed illness emerge as caricatures;
- near-fatal bouts of illness alternate with miraculous recoveries;
- claims are fantastic, contradicted by subsequent posts, or flatly disproved;
- there are continual dramatic events in the person's life, especially when other group members have become the focus of attention;
- there is feigned blitheness about crises (e.g., going into septic shock) that will predictably attract immediate attention;
- others apparently posting on behalf of the individual (e.g., family members, friends) have identical patterns of writing.
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lisavegas420
I've never had any issues with anyone on this board, but on a totally different board ...irronically, it was a board that talked about reality shows.
This women first pm'd me and then later we exchanged email addys...maybe six months later she was telling me I was her best friend and the only person that understood her. We never met, or talked on the phone..I don't remember telling her anything personal about me, I was mostly replying to her problems..... I was just being nice. But she started freaking me out...so I just quit writing to her.
People might change over time, but if they arent' who they say they are, they usually mess up somewhere and expose themselves.
lisa
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funkyderek
I had the beginnings of an online relationship some years ago and while the other party essentially ended things without explanation leaving me disappointed and confused, it was at a very early stage and I got over it with most of my dignity intact. A lot of stuff about her didn't add up although I don't think she was a complete imposter, just messed up.
But enough personal revelations. Here's a link to a gripping and rather shocking tale of internet imposture that I read recently:
http://www.laweekly.com/news/news/the-life-and-death-of-jesse-james/17427/
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Finally-Free
I'm not very good at identifying people who are "playing" me whether it's on the internet or in real life. I've been burnt both ways. My solution is to avoid "relationships" altogether. I've little time for them anyway.
W
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Dansk
How would you deal with it?
I'd contact you!
Ian
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snowbird
I don't give out much info to anyone. If I'm communicating with someone and something just doesn't "feel" right, I'll cut if off.
I've learned to trust my instincts. Dealing with the WTS has taught me a lot.
Sylvia
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Happy Harvester
I don't know about anyone else here, but there's already enough stress and drama in real life - with a slightly nutty jw family, stressed out co-workers, my own periodic suicidal depressions, the collapsing (?) economy, and fear of abuse by someone close - that I do not need to create any illnesses.
The denial of mental illness in my own family is so intense that I find I'm taking this whole discussion personally, although I know I should not. I just feel the need to remove myself from judging them for it, and to remove myself from trying to punish them for being sick, thanks to therapy; therefore I changed my screenname, in case anyone was wondering who I am or thinks they've hit upon some profound insight about who I am (or was).
The changes I have been making the past few months in therapy and the growth has been profoundly uncomfortable - to the point of feeling truly suicidal and isolated and hopeless about being able to help anyone else, much less myself. The overwhelming sense of loss and futility and rage (over abuse) and my need to confront it has been nearly paralyzing.
I will probably lose an important job over confronting the abuse of a child by one of my clients. Others close to the situation (a social worker neighbor and the nanny) have also observed the warning signs and have discussed it in specific terms that make it clear to me that although we're not naming names in the discussion, we're talking about the same family, another reason to change my screen name. I had feared that I was projecting my own issues on the situation and stayed quiet about my suspiscions, but others have not. The abusive parent is clearly screaming for help and so am I. I have been feeling angry and suicidal about it for a couple of days.
I envision this note upon my suicide because I cannot bear the thought of confronting any of it, though I know I must:
Stop yelling.
Stop blaming.
Stop fighting in her presence.
Stop hitting.
Stop drinking and getting stoned.
She deserves better and so did we.
I'm leaving the note, but not killing myself. No job is important enough to not confront a child's abuse.
Goddamn every thing.