My Dating horror= You can't have coffee at the mall without a chaperon???

by Witness 007 53 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Witness 007
    Witness 007

    Being a Pioneer/Servant for years, I thought I was very responsible. When dating a Sister whom I later married, I read EVERY publication on courtship the society had. I then spoke to an Elder whom I thought was "resonable" and we agreed as the publications say: "A couple can meet together in a public place, when courting, without a chaperon." So this is what I did...well, what a contraversy! Many brothers complained about thier dear Pioneer/Servant having coffee with a Sister at the mall without supervision!...Shock horror! The Shame of it all! My Elder bravely battled two others who told me we could not go anywhere without a brother present. {This is very hard to organise and lacks any privacy for a couple planning possible marriage} Apparently, leaving us to drink coffee at the mall would cause us to have pre-marital sex the first chance we get in a K-mart change room?? This whole thing really pissed me off since it made the Sister very uncomfortable.

  • Balsam

    My ex-sister in law was in her late 30's when she started her husband. She could not find enough chaperons and though they always met in public places it still caused a stir and criticism of her and her honorable Elder fiancé' They were both over the age of 40 when they married and it was just insane all the drama that went along with their dating.

    When my ex-husband started dating, again when our divorce was final, he had a tough time because of the chaperon rules. He put our 13 yr old son in the position of going with him all the time till he flatly refused to go anymore. He got married in 3 months without hardly knowing the woman because of the drama surrounding dating. He and his current wife were over the age of 50 at the time of their dating. Isn't that just insane and sadly it has been difficult because either of them really knew each other. They couldn't talk intimately about themselves with someone sitting right there next to them listening, and so they have struggled to make the marriage work.

    In the 30 years I was a JW I saw so many young and older couples dating and struggling against the ridiculous rules surrounding dating. Especially for older folks it is just nuts. It is any wonder people when they come into the JW congregations and hear such stuff they have no desire to join them. The rules are just mind boggling.


  • JeffT

    My wife and I, being adults and having been brought up in the real world, simply ignored all that. It was mentioned to me a couple of times that we were spending too much time alone. I'm pretty sure somebody said something to her as well. We did what we wanted, and no that did not include sex.

    Next weekend is our 33rd anniversary, something seems to have worked.

  • bebu
    Apparently, leaving us to drink coffee at the mall would cause us to have pre-marital sex the first chance we get in a K-mart change room??

    Sounds like they don't trust you to even look for a changing room! I hope you can look as utterly perplexed and insulted as possible when people talk gossip about this 'shocking' oversight...



    I never had a chaparone and never chaparoned. I was 18 and had my fiancé, 20, in my bedroom alone and we could have gone all the way, but we didn't, we knew what they expected of us. It is such a ridiculous requirement from these life controlling morons.


  • Gordy

    When my wife and I were dating. She was 19, I was 23.

    We NEVER had a chaperone.

    Even when she came to my house. There was only my father in. We were in room on our own.

    No one ever said a word.

    One Elder said "If you can't trust a brother and sister together. Who can you trust?"

    He was the only Elder that ever made a comment about it.

  • OnTheWayOut

    In a hardcore cult where people live at the compound, the leader(s) usually wants to have sex
    with most of the women (or otherwise).

    In the JW's that is not the case, but the leaders train everybody to think that sex is foremost
    on the minds of anybody in any possible situation.

    While dating, my wife and I did have chaperones. They complained to the elders that we were
    too friendly and I was counselled. They never said anything to me at the time (which would be
    doing their job as chaperones) and when I asked about it, the elders didn't have a specific thing
    that we were doing wrong. Hell, we didn't even kiss during those dates so I don't know what the
    chaperones' problems were.

    We switched to meeting in public places or at gatherings. We always arrived in separate cars
    and left that way. Nobody said anything, but we also did not discuss it with anyone, as they are
    all so uptight.

    There is no WTS rule that adults must have a chaperone. That is up to the individuals. Of course,
    there are many unwritten rules that come into play. You are free to meet together and even be
    alone together in one's home. But get into trouble and BAM! They will say you ignored counsel.
    That's why most JW's follow the unwritten rule.

  • Elsewhere

    Dude... didn't you know there is a whole genera of porn where the story begins with a young virginal couple going to Starbucks?

  • Witness 007
    Witness 007

    The Witnesses treat young couples like it's 1700's in England. You need a chaperon otherwise you'll jump on your girl and "spoil her virtue." Ridiculous crap, considering we are "God's clean spiritual organisation." Should I take a chaperon to the magazine store so I don't get porno? Or when watching cable T.V or going to the movies should I have a chaperon? What about those dirty worldly women, surely you need a chaperon when at work, your alone with them...maybe 2 would be better.

  • JK666

    I flew by the "don't ask, don't tell" dating system.


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