Joke of the day

by Tyrone van leyen 49 Replies latest social humour

  • Outaservice

    Question: What's 'green', hangs on a wall, and whistles?

    Answer: A green wall whistle!

    Outaservice (only G rated stuff)

  • coffee_black


    I've never seen a green wall whistle. Can you provide a picture? How does one play a green wall whistle?


  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    Airplane passengers watch nervously as two men wearing pilots’ uniforms and dark glasses use canes to feel their way into the cockpit. The plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time. The passengers think it was all a joke, while in the cockpit, the pilots high-five.

    “You know,” says one pilot to the other, “one day they’re gonna scream too late, and we’re all gonna die.”


  • PopeOfEruke

    Nominee for Best CANADIAN Joke of the year...

    A Somali arrives in Toronto as a new immigrant to the Canada.

    He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says,
    "Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country, giving me housing,
    Money for food, free medical care, and free education!"

    The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Jamaican."

    The man goes on and encounters another passerby.

    "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Canada !"

    The person says, "I not Canadian, I Vietnamese."

    The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,
    Shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful Canada !"

    That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East , I am
    Not Canadian!"

    He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an Canadian?"

    She says, "No, I am from Africa !"

    Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Canadians?"

    The African lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work."

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what’s up.

    “He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup,” the clerk explains. “So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once.”

    “Laxatives won’t cure a cough, you idiot,” the owner shouts angrily.

    “Sure it will,” the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. “Look at him. He’s afraid to cough.”


  • Clam

    One day a cowboy walked into a blacksmith shop and picked
    up a horseshoe, not realizing that it had just come from
    the forge.

    He immediately dropped it and jammed his hand into his
    pocket, trying to act as if nothing had happened.

    The blacksmith noticed and asked with a grin, "Kind of hot,
    wasn't it?"

    "Nope," answered the cowboy through clenched teeth, "it
    just doesn't take me long to look at a horseshoe."

  • funkyderek

    A girl walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre.

    So he gave her one.


    Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

    He worked it out with a pencil.


    What did the man with two left feet take on holiday?



    What do you give the man who has everything?


  • sweetstuff

    Two halloween jokes my nine year old layed on me this morning, I thought they were cute!

    What did the child mummy say when it fell and hurt itself?

    I want my mummy and deady!

    What is a banshee's favorite game?

    Hide and shreik!

  • Tyrone van leyen
    Tyrone van leyen

    Well, nothing like a good Halloween Joke in Oct. ! all these jokes are getting better.

    Speaking of which........ A cabbie picks up a nun and admits to her that it has always been his desire to be kissed by a woman of the cloth.

    The sister says, " Well ok, but only but on two conditions. You can't be married, and you have to be Catholic."

    "Ok, I qualify," says the Cabbie, and she plants a big wet kiss right on his lips.

    Afterwards, he starts to feel uncomfortable and visibly shaken. " What's the matter? asks the nun.

    " Oh sister, forgive me for I have sinned.! I am really Jewish, and I am married."

    "That's Ok", said the nun." My name is really Kevin, and I'm off to a fancy dress party!."

  • Clam

    Randy was in the hospital for tests. At 11:00 AM, they
    brought him soup for lunch. He refused it. At 2:00 PM, they
    again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused.

    Again, at 5:00 PM and 7:00 PM, they tried, and both times
    Randy turned down the soup, so they gave up. In preparation
    for the next day's tests, they entered his room at 3:00 AM,
    4:30 AM, and 6:00 AM and gave him an enema each time.

    When Randy got home from the hospital after the tests, he
    told his wife, "Whatever you do, if you go to that hospital
    and they try to serve you soup, take it. If you refuse it,
    they sneak in while you're asleep and shove it up your ass."

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