Joke of the day

by Tyrone van leyen 49 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Bumble Bee

  Joke 3:16
  
  When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session.
  
  “I’m not aware of the nature of your problem,” the doctor said. “So perhaps you should start at the very beginning.”
  
  "Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth."
• 

  Tyrone van leyen

  Very funny jokes Bumble Bee, but........

  There was a man lost in the dessert for three days, he suddendly hears a moshing sound. He thinks he's seeing a mirage. Here's an eskimo on a sledge driving a team of huskies. To his suprize the sled comes to a stop at his feet.

  "I don't know why you're here", the man said. " but thank God". I've been lost for days.

  " You think your lost!" the Eskimo said.
• 

  John Doe

  He got you there, John. Your as romantic as a glass of ice water.

  A glass of ice water is pretty danged romantic in the middle of the Sahara desert. ;-)
• 

  ninja

  whats the difference between a nun at prayer and a nun in the bath....the nun at prayer has hope in her soul...and the nun in the bath has.................
• 

  Tyrone van leyen

  Oh John, the heckler makes a comeback.

  That was cute Ninja!
• 

  erynw

  A museum decided that they would commission an artist to paint a picture of General Custer's last thoughts during his last stand.

  The artist listens to the museum staff and decides he can do this.

  After several months, the grand unveiling is all set up. All of the museum staff, members, board, donors, etc are there.

  The picture is unveiled and everyone kind of looks at it funny. Nobody says a word.

  The director of the museum walks over to the artist and says. "I thought you understood what we wanted. Custer's last thoughts at his last stand. What is this, a fish with a halo, indians having sex everywhere. What the hell were you thinking."

  The artist explains, "I did paint his last thoughts. They were 'Holy mackeral, look at all of those f*cking Indians.'"
• 

  Clam

  Because he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

  Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said walking up to her, "but in a little while, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars. I would like to have someone to share it with. Will you come home with me?"

  The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.
• 

  Kudra

  What do you call two guys who are studying Egyptian water-works in college?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• 

  REBORNAGAIN

  I put Spot remover on my dog, now he's gone. *heehee*
• 

  nvrgnbk

  Two men are adrift in a lifeboat for days. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbles across an old lamp. When he touches it, a genie comes forth. This particular genie, however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought, one man blurts out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie claps her hands and the entire sea turns into brew. The other man looks disgustedly at the one who made the wish. After a long, tension-filled moment, he says, "Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

  http://www.esquire.com/women/funny-joke-from-a-beautiful-woman/funnyjoke0907

  Here's the girl that told the joke( Maggie Q)...