My brief story

by 4mylove 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • 4mylove

    Okay, Here it goes

    Growing up I had a friend that was disfellowshiped for premarital sex, marrying someone out of his faith, and pretty much being a free thinker. To see what he went through at such a young age was painful to watch. Years later I meet this wonderful man, who was raised as a witness. To say wonderful is an understatement. That is until we finally had "the talk" recently after a couple years of marriage, (I know I know, should have started there in the first place....Lust can make you do silly things!)

    To spare you too many details his family has never fully accepted me. Imagine that?! At our wedding his mother looked more like she was standing at Wal-Mart buying groceries than at a wedding. The other two siblings weddings....of course...sheer joy! I have been humiliated more than once, I'm almost over it. My huband and I are very very close. We don't really have many secrets...okay maybe a few JK.

    One day, my father in law came to stay with us because he was going to the Assembly in our area. Mind you it was an hour and a half drive from our house to and from the location, and he stated that unless we went, he wouldn't feel comfortable staying in our home. Of course at this what i should have said was that's absolutely fine, we'll get you a hotel closer to the venue. Little did I know that my husband had already promised his dad he would go with him. whoopdee fu&^* doo!? right?

    Well a day or two before the assembly it all fell apart. I started on a very heated email exchange which led to me being called an athiest and so forth. ( If you get to know me...I'M NOT AN ATHIEST...YET). Well after more than a few buckets of tears, hugs, sobs, and I love you's..We were back to okay. Until the days of the assembly.

    When my FIL arrived there was already tension. I'm sure my husband was being asked why I wasn't going, but he would never answer for me. (I'm telling you he really is wonderful) He has been inactive for about 4 or 5 years now and it was like an alien took over when all of this happened. The day this was going on was my brothers' birthday, which is why he couldn't bring his father over to my parents for dinner. He has always been involved caustiously with these events before but said he didn't want his father to be uncomfortable. I also need to mention that my family is sickeningly and disgustingly's sick. And this is yet another huge difference between our families. My brother in law has only spoken to us when absolutely necessary. One of the sisters is coming along, but we all know thats about as far as it will get.I also need to mention that my father in law is not a huge problem, my mother in law, well that will have to be another post.

    Well, i stayed at my parents as long as i could and finally went home.

    When i arrived, my hubby was sitting in our living room lights out and told me he really missed me that day. Like really really really missed me. Mind you we never go longer than a few hours w/o talking so i know it was extremely hard for him as it was for me. I told him this is exactly what our lives would be once he chose to go back. He asked it I would go with them Sunday and I told him that I could not do that because I was not in agreeance with at least 1% of any of this. I explained that the day that he was open to going with me to a different denomination to look for one together that I could join him. Until then, again, this is what our once wonderful life was about to turn into.

    Please know that this board has helped me tremendously and I will always be grateful.

    Every once in a while i see a glimpse of hope and i hang on to it because i promise you this man is worth the wait. It just goes to show how overpowering and destructive cult mentality can be. Thank you all for your support and I'll keep those interested posted.


  • sweetstuff

    Welcome and wow, what a story. ((Hugs)) I would advise if you can, get him to see a therapist, make the therapist very aware of his upbringing, coming from a third party not directly or emotionally involved with his life, he may begin to see things in a different way. You are in a tough spot, sounds like he is a great man, wonderful husband, don't give up on him! If he is asking you to attend the assembly, chances are, visions of you and him happily in the cult are dancing in his head right now, not so much because he wants to be in it, but because he wants a close relationship with his family.

  • JK666


    Thank you for sharing your situation.

    Has he continued to go to meetings after the Assembly? It might wear off if he only went to appease his parents. Family pressure is tough to deal with.

    I am sorry that his family treats you less than. It is probably engrained in your husbands mind that he needs to convert you to save your life in the Big A. Once he opens his mind to the WTS being a cult, this will all change. I hope you get to this point.

    Good luck, and keep us informed.


  • Younglove1999

    thanks for sharing your story-

    So your husband was raised in as a JW and his family is still involved, but he's inactive? Were you every baptized- is your family in the organization?

    Don't mean to interrogate you- Your story is very interesting and you seem like a great person-

  • greendawn

    You got to know first hand how much this cult warps the thinking of its members they basically disown the JWs that decide to marry with non JWs, they believe it is silly since the non JW spouse will die soon at armageddon. A very sick cultic mentality.

    If your husband does leave them I believe you know that they, including all his JW family, will totally write him off.

  • 4mylove


    That was one of the things we both admitted to ourselves on that crazy fight night, that he married me hoping that one day we would all be one happy family and I would eventually "convert".

    He had actually asked me one time on a...wait....ready for this.....DATE, "With so many JW friends you never studied?" I told him i did try but i questioned them so much they always gave up on me. Yes, our prodigal little JW child took me on dates. I mentioned this to his family one time and they of course rolled their eyes so far back into their heads i thought they were seizing! (Sorry needed a good laugh)

    Anyway, that night one of the things i asked him was to admit to me that he had married me with the hope hidden way way way down deep in his bowels that i would one day follow, to which i assured him that i had married him hoping that he would never want to return.

    I know from that heated email i mentioned before that i've got a very long road ahead of me. Someone on this board had mentioned the Alpha Course before and I looked into it. This will make some of the guys laugh. I discovered on my research and Bear Grills was affiliated with the course so i sent my husband a hit to the website and he got excited over it.......Bear Grills that is. He told me that if there was a seminar where Bear was going to be he would go. I explained that that was not why i had sent it, and that i had already lost any notion of going. He said, no please if it's something you want to do i'll go, but only to one, I can't go to the weekly course. Can't is a word I ABSOLUTELY hate.

    The fact that anything would stop this man that before had seemed unstoppable breaks my heart.

  • 4mylove

    JK 666

    I did ask him why he was going and he said it was to appease his which i said...come on man! Again, the only times the issue is really difficult is when an assembly, convention, memorial, or any of that is about to happen and he's getting pressure from his family. I did go to a memorial with him one time when we were just living in sin. Amazingly enough, i whipped what little catholic is left in me into shape and didn't drink the wine. I kept teasing him saying....come on man it's wine!!!!! (probably grape juice anyway)

  • OnTheWayOut

    If your husband is as wonderful as you are sure he is, this will just be a rough spot that you
    will get through. Just be yourself, do what you need to do as far as religion is concerned.
    Stay tight with your family and don't be the one to shun his, let them be the jerks.

    Otherwise, as JK mentioned, he may not continue as a JW, but only appeased parents.
    Share what you can with him as he lets you, or wait until he is ready to talk. No pressure.

    Thanks for posting this story.

  • Witness 007
    Witness 007

    Welcome! .reminds me of my family in some ways. I just can't go to meetings anymore not for anyone.

  • 4mylove

    Young Love,

    No thank you sweet baby Jesus! My family is somewhat hippie when it comes to faith. Like every good Catholic, we went to all the holiday, wedding, and misc services, but my father doesn't believe in the celibacy of priests, or much of it for that matter. My mother, well she's just a great big kid at heart, if it's not fun, we ain't doin it!

    My hubby was Catholic until the age of i think 8 or so then his mother got that famous knock heard around the world. On another occasion he told me that he could never go back to being Catholic because he had written a letter of disassociation. I of course corrected him on this, we don't require those, and even if you wrote one, to most any denominations, it wouldn't matter, the doors would still be open to you, regardless of opinion, or dress code.

    Funny thing is, no one could stand my husband before we started hanging out. It's not that I think I'm that good, but his friends, or whatevery they were told me. They said he is so much more down to earth now, we used to only be able to take him in spurts. Now all of my friends and family love, hug, and kiss on him since the day they met him. He told me once that he loved how he was so loved unconditionally, it explained that it was conditional.....gotta keep little momma happy! sorry couldn't help myself Tee heehee!

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