Letter that my DFed wife received from her Pioneer Mother

by Hangin_on 55 Replies latest jw experiences

  • flipper

    "You'll soon find out what a mother's love is like " ? With the "love " she is doling out to her daughter, I'd hate to see her version of hate! What a pathetic piece of $hit this mother is ! I have had family , my older self righteous elder brother write me and say I'm not welcome in his house, this in spite of just being faded, not dfed! An older sister did the same thing essentially! So I feel for your wife. Your mother in law can claim she is a christian until the cows fly home, but she is just a heathen herself. Her actions belie her claim of loving God ! You please tell your wife she has lots of friends here who really care for her, and she can pm any of us and we will always listen to her if she needs to talk and open up! Peace to both of you, Mr. Flipper

  • steve2

    Hanging-on: You and your wife are being held ransom to the very worst kind of emotional blackmail and still you are trying to get reinstated. I think it is way past time you and your wife moved on from the JW-nursery and used this horrible experience to start building a more adult life for yourselves.

    If you want to live your life at the mercy of a group of fundamentalist blackmailers, go to it. The sooner you go back the better.

    But if you want to actually grow up and live your life as adults, and not live in fear of human disapproval, stay out and start taking responsibility for your own life. Perhaps your example of taking responsibility for your life will help your wife also break all ties to this loveless religion.

  • changeling

    I'm so sorry. Situations like yours and attitudes like your mother-in-law's make me sick to my stomach.


  • ex-nj-jw

    I'm so sorry you and your wife are going through this, especially at a time when a daughter needs her mother the most.

    I have a toxic mother, she wouldn't know love for her child if it jumped up and bit her nose! The difference is my mother's toxic JW beliefs don't affect me because I know that Jehovah is just a fantasy similar to Santa Clause, except Santa is a nice guy unlike Jehovah! Do you and your wife really want to be a part of an organization that shows so much "lack of love" and "lack of support", "lack of forgiveness".

    I'm not here to judge you and whatever you and the wife choose to do is certainly your perogative. Show you something better? How about you don't need to have an organization telling you how to live every aspect of your life to have a relationship with god?

    I don't personally believe in god anymore, thanks to the JW's. An I don't think you need an organization to believe in god if God is what you need in your life to make you feel complete. I don't believe that you need God or an organization to be happy and live a fullfilling complete life.

    I hope the best to you but most of all right now, your wife in her condition does not need the stress of the JW religion or her self righteous toxic mother!


  • journey-on

    Hangin on

    My mother died a few years ago. She had been a JW for 50 years and remained strong and faithful to the end. I am faded and my two brothers were disfellowshipped. I have a sister who is a staunch JW fanatic of the first order.

    My mother, loved all her children. When my brothers were first disfellowshipped, she did the shunning thing for a while. She then decided that was wrong. Jehovah would never expect a mother to abandon her flesh and blood children. She did not buy into the spin her religion put on a couple of scriptures. She never made a big issue out of it, but she stopped shunning my brothers and treated them with love just the same as ever. She allowed them to spend the night and eat at her table. The congregation NEVER once counselled her about it. I'm sure if they had, she would have just politely told them she had already taken it up with Jehovah and He had shown her what was right and loving.

    What I'm saying, is that maybe your mil will come to her senses and the shunning period will be brief. Sorry for the grief you and your wife are having to endure in the meantime. Hopefully, you will not raise your child in such a repressive, oppressive, suppressive cult religion. I hope you work it all out prayerfully. I've posted something today about prayer and I hope you will read it.

  • sparrow

    I don't have much to add here but I am sorry you have to go through that. I hope your wife one day sees the BS the org spits out and gives up trying to go back. I'm starting to wear my DF'ing as a symbol of pride and achievement.

  • greendawn

    It's astonishing how much the cult has warped their thinking to the point where they will not even talk to their own children. No religious law should ever break the family bonds, that is a matter of common decency but the JWs obviously don't have any.

  • Tatiana

    Sometimes you do not need a "group" of anyone to study anything. Being in a group of people is not that important if you have to go through this emotional torture and blackmail. Remember Jesus said..."Where one or two are gathered in my name..."

    You and your wife are one or two. That's ALL you need. And soon there will be three.

    On another site where witnesses post, they lie and tell everyone they don't shun. They make it seem like a joke. And say I am lying. If only they could read this heartbreaking story.

  • 4digitcode

    your wife obviously knows how hurtful it is to have conditional love from her own mother.
    if you are trying to get reinstated to be brought back with the family that doesn't speak to you now think about this:

    do you want to give your child a grandma that may leave him if he or you guys do something 'wrong' again???
    how will he feel if he sees these people here and then the next minute gone and then maybe back again and gone again.

    just a thought.

  • The Oracle
    The Oracle

    Dear Hangin_on,

    After reading this letter, and all of the posts, I feel like most of the others here - SAD and ANGRY! And I have to admit...the ANGER is beginning to become the dominant emotion.

    But I don't think we should direct our ANGER to the mother - she has been brain-washed, and is as much a victim as anyone.

    HOWEVER.... I have to admit my anger is boiling over right now...and I don't mind telling you - it is directed towards the men in charge of the WT.. .

    the Governing Body and all other men pulling the strings in Brooklyn. I feel like jumping in my car and heading straight to "headquarters", driving through the god-damn front window of whatever the hell address of Columbia Heights it is, springing out of my car, and then pounding the living sh** out of anyone that moves. Each and everyone one of the bastards deserves to pay a heavy price, and I have got a helluva MMA style hammer strike move that would feel oh so good to deliver in rapid succession....

    It is getting to the point where my campaign of love love love, and my gentle attempts to open up the minds and hearts of dear friends and loved ones is going run its course.... and then..... and then...

    Ah, who am I kidding? I am the Oracle. I am a nice guy. I would never do something like that....BUT I AM REALLY UPSET ABOUT THIS KIND OF TREATMENT!!!!


    I want to do something to try and get through to this woman - the "mother". Surely she is not an evil person. She can be reached! She can be reasoned with!

    Please... if there is anything I can do to help... let me know. And I promise, I won't beat anyone up.

    The Oracle

Share this