A debate on childrens haircuts

by tinker 30 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Lo-ru-hamah

  About a year ago, the whole faux hawk was in style. My three year old son wanted his hair cut shorter and like his cousins hair cut, which was styled as a faux hawk. We cut it in that style and it was real cute when he let us fix it but most of the time he didn't like having his hair messed with that much. Personally, I like longer hair but since he wanted it short it didn't bother us to have the faux hawk going on.

  I am glad that it is now acceptable to cut or grow our hair anyway we want. I don't have any problem with hair cuts, I have my personal taste but it is hair, it will grow and it is fun to get to play sometimes.

  My parents are now grandparents and the only thing that bothers them with our kids is if that act like monsters in public. If the haircut makes them act out then I would see a problem, otherwise, let them eat cake.

  Sheri
• 

  kitten whiskers

  My 5 year old wanted a mohawk. He didn't get it, we had a wedding coming up, but being xjw's, it was now an option. I hate the look personally, but hubby said, if he really wanted one, what would be the harm to have one for the summer? No real harm. He just saw one on a teenager and thought it would be fun.
  <br>
  That being my personal opinion on the hairstyle, I will now tell you how flabberghasted I am at your comment to manipulate your son and daughter-in-law and cause unnecessary and hurtful grief to your grandchildren. Are you really going to "shun/disfellowship" them from you over hair? My God. They are little kids. This kind of behavior is not love. This is selfishness. You are lucky to get to enjoy their hugs and kisses on a regular basis. They grow up so fast! And you are willing to sacrifice that and your future relationship with them over whether or not you can pitch a big enough fit and get your way? Whether you like it or not, their father has allowed it. It is none of your business. You seem more preoccupied with what strangers in public (shopping) think than you do your own flesh and blood.
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  Sorry this is harsh. But it is one thing to have an opinion, express it in a loving manner, and back off. It is quite another to try to dictate others harmless (if ugly) hairstyles. Will they do the same to you if you publically embarrass them by putting pink flamingos in your flowerbed?
  <br>
  Kitten Whiskers (of the totally ticked off class)
• 

  cognizant dissident

  Since it is the parent paying for the haircut, it is their judgement call. Why they would want to use their kids hair to live out their own little unexpressed rebellion fantasies, I'll never know! If they think it is so fun, why don't they get their own hair cut in mohawks and leave the kids hair alone! That's what I would tell them if I was the grandparent and I was asked. I might possibly even chime in my opinion if I wasn't asked, but only once, and then I would shut up.

  What is the most disturbing thing in this scenario, is grandparents who would shun their own very young grandchildren because their silly parents gave them a bad haircut! I see the JW mentality is still alive and well in some people even after they have left the organization. Actually, I don't even know many active JW's who would shun their own grandchildren for having a bad haircut! That is just over the top. What sort of emotional damage is that going to do to a young child's psyche? Grandma cares more about what your hair looks like than she does about spending time with you or seeing you! Maybe they would be better off not coming over if that's your attitude.

  Cog

  ps: edited to add, I love Skully's idea if it is the kids themselves who want the crazy hair, compromise and let them have a mohawk wig for crazy hair day at school or summer parties or halloween. Or let them dress up all summer in crazy, wash out haircolors. A parent can do this and still be responsible and send a message that when you are engaged in general public activities, like school, formal outings and events, etc, you do your hair in a socially acceptable way. This is only respectful. When they are teenagers and they get their own money or shave their own head in a mohawk, I think it is best to ignore because they are doing it for shock value. I'm sure it takes half the fun out of it for them, if everyone just yawns and gives them no attention whatsoever! No reason to keep it going then, is there?

  pss: When my son was 14 he came home from school with his head shaved completely like a skinhead! I was soooo proooud! Why, you may ask? Because his whole cooking class of guys did it in support of a female teacher who also shaved her head to raise money for breast cancer research foundation! It's all in the context. Teenagers can be awesome!
• 

  ex-nj-jw

  I don't personally think that a haircut is worth the battle. Especially if the parents are not making a fuss. Your son may have said that he didn't like it because he knew you didn't and didn't want to battle with you over it.

  I think the JW mentality is poking throught on this one, they are just kids not even teenagers yet. What are you going to do when they become teenagers and want to wear a certain style of clothes?

  Concentrate on loving your grandkids and being there for them rather than making demands on them. If they say "grandma, do you like my hair"? then say "no I don't like it much, but if it you like it it's ok with me"!

  There will be so many other obstacles and hurdles to get over as they get older. Let the parents make the decisions, you enjoy your grandkids and don't let what other people think, say or do influence your relationship with your grands.

  nj
• 

  Burger Time

  OK lets get one thing straight. She never said she would "shun" them for such a thing. She simply stated the thought crossed her mind. That being said I think she was just simply stating her thought process, so no need to harp on feelings that aren't there on her.

  I completely agree with skeeter on this. It reminds me of my first roommate who had a cute little daughter. She would let her wear whatever she wanted. Usually a Snow White Halloween outfit. I thought it was great. Kids should have fun. Also since when is a mohawk ghetto or part of a gang? That was a old 80's stereotype. Get with the 21rst century yo.
• 

  WTWizard

  I can see nothing wrong with children getting a mohawk, provided it is because the child wants it and not for the parents. These might look funny, but they are not permanent. Within a few months, it will grow back. The worst that can happen is that you will have to go for a crewcut, which will get rid of it if the child later decides that the mohawk is not for them. The baldie look will probably attract attention for a while, but within a couple of months it will be presentable.

  A tattoo or body piercing, on the other hand, is permanent. I feel that prominent tattoos and piercings should be for those old enough to make a mature decision, and that the recipient should be informed that tattoos and piercings can hurt, there is some risk of infection because the skin is being punctured, and that undoing them is even more painful and may not even be possible. If a child really wants a tattoo, I would suggest a "temporary tattoo", which is simply ink applied on top of the skin. Those will wash away in time, usually with a soap and water wash. Piercings except for earrings should be reserved for those that are at least 18 and understand the irreversibility and risks; I would reserve the ear piercings for children that are at least about 12 or at the age where "everyone else is doing it"; clip-on earrings can be worn any time.
• 

  tinker

  Hi All, I thought I would check back to see if we had a few more comments after I signed off yesterday. I must say, I did expect a few harsh words but it seems I got more than my fare share. I should have let you all know I was not telling the whole story. It is too personal and I become overly emotional.

  First of all, THANK YOU Burger time for sticking up for me. I did not say I would shun my grandchildren. I would never shun anyone, especially my own grandchildren. What I ment was that as for babysitting at no charge so my DIL can have some free time, I am considering quiting. I have not done this yet, just thinking. They would always be welcome to visit as a family. Our Casa is Their Casa.

  A couple comments on Rebellion. What do 5+7 yr olds have to rebel against? Rebellion is only OK when person is a victim of unjust treatment. These children and their parents are treated farely and with abundant love.

  Also I will defend myself by telling you that I am not making a big deal out of a haircut just for the sake of drama. The issue is respect not for just me but authority in general. It seems rebellion just for the fact of rebellion has become the fashion. Personally I see parenting as a serious responsibility that holds lives at stake. I do not interfer or lecture my children over their parenting styles. And I do not need to have my way or the highway.

  What I am struggling with is, how much does a grandparent or a parent take before they push back?
• 

  BlackSwan of Memphis

  First of all, THANK YOU Burger time for sticking up for me. I did not say I would shun my grandchildren. I would never shun anyone, especially my own grandchildren. What I ment was that as for babysitting at no charge so my DIL can have some free time, I am considering quiting. I have not done this yet, just thinking. They would always be welcome to visit as a family. Our Casa is Their Casa.

  Well, first of all this is what you said originally:

  I have been trying the 'nice' way for 3mo and it's not working. I'm kind of up against a wall and thinking of pulling out of the whole thing by saying 'if the hair does not go back to normal then they cannot come here'

  That is far different from:

  What I ment was that as for babysitting at no charge so my DIL can have some free time, I am considering quiting. I have not done this yet, just thinking. They would always be welcome to visit as a family. Our Casa is Their Casa.

  Which is why you got the response you got. What I got from your orignal words was that you would not allow them to visit. That this was not a matter of babysitting.

  I should have let you all know I was not telling the whole story. It is too personal and I become overly emotional.

  Usually there is, but all anyone had to go on was what you told us.

  What I am struggling with is, how much does a grandparent or a parent take before they push back?

  It is not a matter of how much does a grandparent take before they push back.This is not about any grandparent, this is about what you are willing to take. This is about your own opinions of respectful grooming and whatever else. And you asked for opinions and got them from a variety of people. You agreed with the opinions that suited your own and are shooting down the ones that disagree. So why ask for our opinion?

  Judging by what we had to go on, these are the opinions you got for better or worse.
• 

  lisaBObeesa

  It doesn't matter if it is a tacky haircut on not.

  I'm sorry but, these are your son and daughter-in-law's children. Your son and his wife say how their hair will be cut and it is none of anyone else's business.

  Please do not put your son in the terrible possition of having to choose between his mother and his wife. Because I hate to tell you but he should back up his wife.
• 

  jaguarbass

  Who are you trying to impress.

  When my son was little he had long hair, because I like long hair.

  Your child will turn out how you raise him. He will be a reflection of how much time and energy you put into his upbringing.

  Hopefully his haircut will be a very small part of that.

  Personally I like individuality. The world will start shaping him into a cookie cutter consumer soon enough.