A debate on childrens haircuts

by tinker 30 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  reneeisorym

  but he did tell me he does not like the hair either

  Is your daughter nuts? She sound like the child here. I don't think it is very wise for her to get her kid's hair cut like this for a fun summer look. I thought for sure this would be the idea of the kid, not the parents.

  I think you are right in how you feel. I don't know that opposing her would be the right approach though. Getting her to possibly use some form of logic as to why she would do something like this because you want to understand her..... And try to imput some grandmotherly wisdom in a nice warm way might work. . I remember clearly how resentful my mom was at any parenting advice from moms/mother-in-laws. I know how touchy it can be.
• 

  tinker

  xwitless: Your words are my exact feelings. I do not feel children should be sent the message that rebellion is OK.
• 

  NoLoveLost

  Seems like an awfully trivial thing for the family to get up in arms about. I hope it is not affecting the boys. Obviously "this too shall pass" and what difference does it make in the long run? Try to look past the style and see that underneath that haircut are your sweet grandchildren who I am sure you love with all your heart. What does that make us when we judge people on their appearances? Besides, it could be worse - it could be a mullet =)
• 

  Scully

  Hair grows back. At least it's not a tattoo or a piercing.

  That said, he seems a little young to be pushing the limits like that. The parent is the paying customer. It's really their call whether to allow it or not. I'd try to find out what the motivation is for wanting the mohawk look. It's not like he can change his mind and fix it easily if he doesn't like it. Since Halloween is coming, maybe you can find an inexpensive Mohawk "wig" that he can try to see what kind of reaction he gets (assuming it's a reaction that he's looking for).

  Maybe you can come up with a kind of compromise in the meantime. I've got a whole box full of different colours of wash-out hair colour. It allows the kids a measure of self-expression, without creating a huge distraction for the classmates/teachers.

  Doing stuff with your hair can be kind of fun at that age, provided that it's not too extreme, and can easily be reversed. Kids that age are notorious for changing their minds more often than they change their underwear. Once he's more inclined to live with a decision like that (3 months is an eternity for a teenager) then you could try things like changing the hair colour and using cool products to make it spikey and stuff like that.

  They do actually grow out of this. Our house rule is that we won't allow tattoos or piercings (except for the girls ear piercings) before 18. When they are 18, and can finance it themselves, they can do it if they still want it.

  Edited to add: I've just read the posts about the boys not wanting a Mohawk, but the mother cutting it that way anyway. Sorry, but that's just wrong. Why would she want to risk her kids being stigmatized, especially if it was not their choice? If the school was aware of this, they may even be inclined to inform CPS because it's borderline abusive.
• 

  BlackSwan of Memphis

  depends on the kid and the reason
• 

  Nosferatu

  This reminds me of someone I know who got their 2 year old's hair cut into a mohawk. Granny didn't like it, so she took her grandchild to the barber to get his hair fixed. Her son-in-law was pissed that she made that decision, considering that she's not the child's parent.

  I can understand the stupidity of getting a goofy hairstyle like that done on a 2 year old, or any pre-teen child for that matter. However, it's the dumbass parent that is causing the child to be singled out, not the grandparent who merely has to put up with the dumbass parent's decisions. Let the child develop their own feelings about their hair and their parent's decisions for them. If the child is getting made fun of, they will tell someone they trust. What matters is BEING that person they trust.

  A mohawk on a child looks stupid. A mohawk on a teenager? Who cares! It's expected that teenagers do dumb shit on their own :)
• 

  tinker

  thanks renee for your support here. Yes, it was the mothers idea and yes, um, hate to say it but she is a problem. I did take into consideration what you said early on about 'it's just hair, can grow back, pick you battles, etc. Really I think of myself as a pretty 'with it' grandma and I do not go out of my way to council or butt in on my childrens lives or marrages. It's just that they come into my house with their lifestyles and I feel I have the right to express my opinion. And I always do express myself in a kind, loving, warm way. I have been trying the 'nice' way for 3mo and it's not working. I'm kind of up against a wall and thinking of pulling out of the whole thing by saying 'if the hair does not go back to normal then they cannot come here'

  But who would be learning the lesson, who would this hurt? She would have to go find a babysitter and I would not have the pleasure of my grandsons.
• 

  tinker

  well folks it's been fun. Thanks for all your imput, I have much to share with my husband and the rest of the family. We don't have a huge family but it seems everyone wants to add their 2cents. I needed to get out of that circle and ask you, an objective group, and you have all come through.

  Oh the DRAMA. I personal only want Drama on film. In my real life I keep it to issues of fun, happiness, educational and moderation in all things. Seems that is too boring for some.

  We are laying slate tile on our front porch so I must go lend a hand.

  The End
• 

  BlackSwan of Memphis

  I have been trying the 'nice' way for 3mo and it's not working. I'm kind of up against a wall and thinking of pulling out of the whole thing by saying 'if the hair does not go back to normal then they cannot come here'

  Are you serious??

  It's one thing if they're smarting off to you and treating you like you're crap, or if they're abusing the kid or have an abusive marriage.

  But to say because the child is not groomed according to your liking they cannot visit, is incredible.

  They are adults, maybe you are the one who needs to get with it and let go of your kids.

  edited to add:

  Yes you are entitled to your viewpoint. From experience of living with a mother in law for several years I know that it's frustrating for a parent to watch their children go through life experiences and feel like their opinion is not valued or wanted.

  You are entitled to your opinion, but be wary that your opinion does not become rule. There is a differance, and while that mohawk might seem like a really friggin big deal right now, once you are not seeing your kids for a length of time, you won't care if their hair is purple, polka dot or checkerboard. You'll just be glad to have the chance to hold them.
• 

  skeeter1

  I think it's good to rebel. It will teach him to think for himself, and to suffer the consequences of sometimes falling on your face. A haircut is harmless, especially at 5-7 years old. He doesn't have a high powered job interview. If the cut is that bad, granny & gramps & uncles will make a joke or two...and it will be gone most likely. But, then again, kid may tell (think) granny & gramps that their style is old or hair is missing. Questioning authority and making a statement...is that wrong? Acting outside the box, is that wrong? Not when it does not overtly hurt another. I think it's really good. It will help him understand US history - the Boston Tea Party, the Declaration of Independence. It will help him understand his JDub family...and his apostate family. Yes, your hair is a statement. Having the nerve to have a "silly" haircut is also a statement. It's a statement that you don't fit into a box. It's a statement that you might just have a creative bone in your body. It's a statement that you can handle being different. But, most of all a mohawk is proof that you don't have thinning hair.....

  I saw a baseball team...they all had mohawks. It must have been some sort of "dare" thing.

  Mop heads are "in" here. The kids all look like the Monkeys ("Hey, hey, we're the Monkey's...we like to monkey around.'

  (At least it's not skin heads).

  Skeeter