Dfed and Damned for Life

by Hangin_on 54 Replies latest jw experiences

  • monophonic

    i just heard about "new light" that elders need to get people reinstated as quickly as possible so they don't become downtrodden (oh boy, wtbts terminology).

    that's all fine and dandy, of course getting elders off their power trip is like telling a homosexual biker not to wear chaps.

    and, they've done so much damage over the years, to people just like you and i who weren't being sinister, but sincere, and they continue to have bugs up their asses.

    i say keep trying, you've put in the hard time, keep your head up, get that reinstatement so the shunning in your family can end...even though resentment will probably be there until the end of the world, and if you choose, learn from how you're being treated and fade out quickly.

    see the red flags waving and take note.

    i wish you the best whatever decision works for you.

    they're treating you like you went on a killing spree...adultery is rough, but we all make mistakes and time heals and we all get on with our lives.

  • monophonic

    one more thing, 22 is YOUNG, so your first marriage was even younger...the odds were against you from the start, even as a jw. staying together in this marriage, you and your wife should look at that as a huge success.

  • jwfacts

    My ex wife does not go to meetings... she is drifted, she has had boyfriends live with her and had sex even before I married my current wife.

    If you ex wife is having sex than you are not in an adulterous marriage by Watchtower standards. You are now free to remarry. You need to make the elders aware of that. However, that would require proof, so unless your exwife confesses, or you get photos of her in the act, or her sex partners to tell the elders what they have done, they are not going to believe you under the "2 witness" rule.

    Personally, I would recommend you and your wife do some serious study of the Watchtower Society. It is a cult and you should be relieved to finally be free from it. I am aware of many sick JWs that get over their illnesses once they leave - it is often the stress at the root of their sickness. Once you and your wife accept that you do not want to be controlled by a cult you can then move on with living. You will possibly never have a normal relationship with your family, but being true to yourself is worth it.

    One other thing, you are being manipulated by your mother. If she will not be civil to you when you call she has no right to demand anything from you in return. It is time for you to stand up to her and set boundaries.

  • lisavegas420

    OMG...OMG...OMG... I am sitting here and about to be ill. I see myself and my life a good 18 years ago. Please if anything gets through to you. Take that new wife of yours and run. Hold her, love her, and love that new baby that is coming. Forget the appeals and screw the opinion they have of you. Forget the months of making you wait on an answer or the endless hours of wondering why or if you are good enough and even if they get back to you now...don't accept it. Fact is they are not good enough for you.

    The love they offer is conditional. That is not love. Listen to what you are saying. You have paid the price. You have screwed up. You have righted what you can, now it is time to move on. Your ex wife is trying to and sad to say, she seems to be taking the wiser path and leaving the JW's behind. From your viewpoint right now it may seem to you that her life may be messed up, and it may be a little. But at this point, her mind may be healing a lot more than yours. because from the little you described, she might just be letting the mind control lose some of the hold it has over her.

    You on the other hand need to seriously look at what you are asking. A Divorce?? Come on now? Do you love your new wife and child? Then it needs to have NOTHING to do with a bunch of old fucktards sitting in judgement over you that are not in your household. Sure they seem to have power over you because they keep you and her from associating with family right now, but truly, they seem to be doing you a favor. Who wants to be with someone who only calls when they need your help.

    I sound harsh right now, but hon, it is from 3 times sitting in your shoes and loosing loved ones because I had that same mindset you hold right now.

    Please hang in there...but not with this wacked religion. Hang in there with your wife. Your child. You and her did all this and let it go. Start loving each other fresh NOW. Love each other for each other and without a second thought of the old WTBTS. You are kicked out...take it as the best gift you ever got and go do things with her.

    All the things you ever wanted. Think on it. ALL you ever wanted is in front of you and they can't and won't stop you. Don't look back. Don't go back...run, don't walk...RUN.

    If you can, try going with your wife to a counselor.. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but just give it a try. So that someone can help you perhaps open your eyes to see how twisted that religion has your head. This time should be so happy for you. A new wife, a new baby...The world in front of you! You are young! Not a time to be sitting and hurting and wondering what is wrong with you and stressing about how long you are going to have to wait on these people.. PEOPLE to respond. They have your head in the wrong place...

    Just saying.

    Oh I wish you so much love.

    Read what sparky said again..This is exactly right!!!!! This is YOUR life...This is YOUR wife...this is YOUR child. this is YOUR family. Don't let anyone take control don't let others do it for you. Find a support team and ask for help. *hint you will NOT find them in a kingdom hall* Much love to you and your family. lisa

  • fresia

    You obviously sound like you and you're wife want to be reinstated, I think that is commendable if that is what you want.

    My sister went through a similar problem, her husband went of with another sister and they were both disfellowshiped, after nearly two years they were both reinstated.

    What they mean by the adulterous relationship has me concerned, once adultry has been commited and you don't sleep with youre' wife again after it, that means she has not taken you back so you are free to divorce and remarry. If you and youre x wife slept together after the adultry her being fully aware of the adultry and she willfully slept with you, she then forgives and takes you back as her husband, scriptually if you married the other women you are in an adulterous marraige.

    You may have to talk to youre x wife and find out what she has said to the elders, even though she herself committed adultry or fornication that in itself would end the marraige, but the elders may not know about what she did, only what you did, and her story may be different.

    It amazes me how damn ignorant witnesses can be, imagine if King David walked in and wanted reinstatment after all he did, I'm sure he would be treated differnently.

    I would persist with it, and hand deliver a letter to each elder in the congregation.

    Good luck.

  • greendawn

    I don't know why you want to go back to them and even endure a degrading process in doing so, if you want a spiritual life there are proper non cultic groups which can offer that.

    Strictly speaking what you did was wrong but I can see how it is the JW society's fault for pressuring you into an early marriage. This happened to many young JWs.

  • freyd

    People are to be treated like tax collectors when they do not listen to the congregation according to Matt 18. In my last congregation the PO's daughter was df'd and reinstated within 6 months. The congregation was not consulted. You can go back but you can never trust. They are a destructive cult.

  • greendawn

    I may be wrong but from what I gather they never really accept those that get reinstated they marginalise and treat them almost as if still DFed. The so called apostates going back receive the worst treatment of all because their activities threatened the authority of the GB and the JW order something they don't easily forget and above all forgive.

  • Hangin_on

    My ex was reproved for blowing someone before I married my current wife.

    I married my first wife at 20 and she was 18... my second wife i was 24 and she was 20... i am now 26

  • Hangin_on

    was there really "new light" on reinstating quickly?? 3 years and 4 months is hardly quick

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