Confused!! Help!!

by BigBloomerz 36 Replies latest social relationships

  • Frequent_Fader_Miles
    i think god would like us to be happy

    I couldn't have said it better myself! I'm a faded JW ... technically "unevenly yoked", and wouldn't give my husband up for anything. Your BF sounds like an everyday, normal guy with normal concerns to me. Only JWs would consider that as being materialistic. Fading has allowed me the latitude to associate with my JW family (those that I wish to be around).

    Keep in mind too that if your desire is to be married and start a family, it's very slim pickings for sisters in JW Land. You may give up this opportunity for someone who'll dump you like a hot potato should you break any JW rules in the future. The love shown by JWs is mostly conditional.

  • anewme

    Hi BigBloomerz! Welcome! I think your biggest worry is to lose your mom forever, right?
    Hey alot of us here think the JWs do not have all the answers and are not the sole custodians of Gods word.
    You need to explore what others say about the dead and the hope and you will begin to feel better about seeing your mom again despite marrying your new love.

    Grab true love when you can find it is my advice AND DONT LET GO!

  • theMartian

    You & your ex-Lover are 'confused' to say the least! You're both merely pretenders! Why are you asking for advice- when the advice from your Maker means naught?

  • OnTheWayOut

    Martian, she isn't asking her creator for advice. She also isn't pretending she wants the advice of
    the elders or their leaders in Brooklyn.

    Yes, she is pretending to be a good little witness, while not really being one, but aren't you doing
    that also? Are you following their rules, or are you telling them that you break them, or are you
    going along without telling them what you do, but pretending to be a good little witness?

    The poster is asking people in a similar situation for help. I appreciate that. Perhaps she can
    give you advice since you are in a similar "JW" situation. Tell us about your life on your own thread
    so others can advise you.

  • changeling

    You are on the proverbial fence. While that may have worked for you in the past, now life is geting more serious.

    Ask yourself: Do I believe it's the truth? Can I live by their rules? Would I be happy marrying a JW????

    Being honest with yourself is always a good place to start.

    I wish you the best.


  • sass_my_frass

    Hmm, well, I was you, then I got dfd, married him, and life gets exponentially happier every day. The df was a rough time, but it paid off eventually. I am now intensely happy, and I don't miss the people I used to think were my friends. I've never really been part of my family.

    We get this one flesh-and-blood shot at life. It's not groundhog day. Consume each moment and every day voraciously.

  • BigBloomerz

    Thanks to all for your Comments and Advice, it has really helped, I talked it through with my man and we have come to agreement that we are going to take things further as i have now decided i no longer wish to be a JW. This week is the week i tell my so called JW friends and family, im dreading doing this, mainly because i dont want to hurt them, but i have to think of my own happiness, i have spent my whole life thinking of others, its my turn now! Any advice on softening the blow for them? is writing a letter rather than saying over the phone a good idea? or would that be classed as wimping out?

  • megsmomma

    Hi BB,

    You are taking a big step into freedom!! I think you will really enjoy not having to worry about having a "religion" ruling your life anymore...and you will be able to figure out what YOU believe!! YAY!

    If I could do it all over again....I think I would write to my family and friends to explain why I was leaving...But, then again, back then I didn't know, maybe you could just do what many here have done, and fade from it.

    Anyhow....stick around, there will be lots to think about and people here understand a-lot of what you are going through!

  • bluebell

    You don't need to tell them anything. Really and truly.

    Your main concern is that your friends and family won't have anything to do with you but you are doing almost nothing and they are still okay.

    Just take it to the next level - start going even less and less - drop the ministry - do it all slowly and you may drop off the elders radar without having to write any letter or tell anyone - they will work it out for themselves.

    If you are careful - and you can be if your partner is understanding - you can do the fade and not be viewed as a witness.

    Then it will be up to your friends and family personally - they will not be told not to associate with you and will make up their own minds.

    my personal story - i had decided I didn't want to be a witness but didn't want to lose my friends and family, I decided to first make friends outside the religion so that I had a support network. my first friend is now my husband. I had been going sporadically and ministry was almost non-existant, also if you read my profile you will see that to the elders I was more trouble than I was worth. My husband lived in a village about half hour from my town and I let him know the situation and basically hid him when we were in my town because I didn't want to get found out before I was safely viewed as no longer a witness and therefore safe from being DF/DA. He was lovely - we spent most of the time with his family and friends.

    As it was my family chose to shun me - everyone except my mom and youngest sister anyhow. I have an aunty, uncle, five cousins and they have 4 kids or so each and I see nothing of them - but then i didn't see much of them before either - I kept in touch with them not the other way round.

    My husband is the best, most loving, caring wonderful man I could ever dream of meeting - I certainly would never meet a dub like him.

  • primitivegenius

    first off................ and most important of all............ god loves you and wants you to be happy.

    the jws will try to use guilt and the rest of the brainwashing tools at their disposal to make you act according to their rule book.

    how can you leave the TRUTH.......... (its not........ and never has been the truth)

    theres nothing else out there...... (WRONG AGAIN)

    How can you leave Jehovah... ( you wont be leaveing god when you leave a false religious org)

    they got you over a barrel because you probably have very few friends who are NOT jws ..... because 100% of them are bad association............. (yeah right)

    sounds like you have taken the steps you need to by sitting down and talking with your bf....... because in all reality thats the only thing thats important. the two of you being happy together and living the life that god really and truely desires for you to. he wants the best for you and if you stay in that mind controlling cult.... how are you ever gonna be happy?

    we can waste a hell of alotta time pretending, goign to meetings and either putting in a couple hours of time or at least writeing that we did a couple hours. its truely absurd. dont let that cult tell you that you wont see your mother again unless you follow their dictates. QUESTION EVERYTHING that cult taught you.........

    the trinity is real............ how about heaven? open your mind to those thoughts and they will lose their power over you.

    simply said god wants you to be happy......... so do what makes you happy.

    DONT TELL THEM that your leaving........... just leave. its their rules that make you send them a DA letter not gods.

    i faded like a bastard and then moved 3 states away to marry a like minded x jw and havent looked back since. i made my parents ask the question before i told them i was going to another church....... (one much much better than the borg could ever be) so they shun me now.

    my choice was made because when i was a dub ..... i knew deep down it was all horse s*** but couldnt admit it. they say always be prepared to defend jehovah............ so your constantly scared that you will get into an arguement with someone who knows more about the bible than you do. now i make my stand........ because i do love god, im DAMN SURE not afraid of him......... he is to me exactly like i am to my son....... and there is NOTHING i wouldnt do for my son.

    now it wasnt easy because i was EXTEMELY close to my family.. but they are only 4 strong....... the rest of my fam never were dubs..... so of those 4 only 3 dont talk to me. (GRANDMAS ROCK)

    dont let them tell you what you have to do anymore. play dumb if you have to but do whatever makes you happy. if you marry him and quit going to meetings and they want to haul you into the back room....... and ask that question that is soooooooo none of their business. did you have sex before marriage........... just look em straight back and say with a shocked look of OMG how could you possibly ask me that........... OF COURSE NOT.

    or dont even meet with them........ but that makes it easy on them cause they can just df you on principle.

    only two good points in my rant lol

    1.) god loves you and wants you to be the happiest possible

    2.) witnesses do not and never have represented god...... so dont listen to them or follow their rules

    hope i helped a minor bit even tho i know i raved far to long lol

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