again! im overwhelmed! ive read all your posts and they show much experience and wonderful advise. THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN!
i think the first thing to do is to keep that stuff low for some longer time. maybe ive planted a seed, maybe not. maybe i shouldnt care too much about that. i feel the same urge to tell her the things ive learned and discovered like i felt when i was a good dubby and told it ppl in service (mmh... maybe this one is even stronger...). but it doesnt work that way. i have to rethink that.
one thing i thought the whole night about is that shes literally not me. shes not that logical, sceptical person i am. i always was that way. even when i was a zealous dub. its easy for others to make me listen to their arguments. its a principle of me. i like thinking out-of-the-box. it scared my mother when i was like 10 years old. i told her once that we "cant determine whether the world we see really exist. maybe this chair isnt existing" :D she never understood it :D i told her that the chance that the chair really does not exist is very very low in my opinion but that we just cant know 100%. "but i can see it! its there!". haha :) my mum! at least my wife knows what i mean with that since matrix the movie :) what i mean with all that is that my wife is a very emotional person... even for a woman. i cant get through to her with my logic. it just not her way of thinking. i knew that before but didnt want to listen to myself...
about that professional help i could seek... yeah i thought about that too. maybe ill go for that soon. next time i visit my doctor i may ask him what he can recommend me to do.
@jgnat
im very impressed by your post, jgnat! every word of it is so true. yes, i know her reply before i ask her something critical about the org. my jw mind is intact. i can defense the org myself before others if have to. just like she does. and i can see her real self in many things in daily life. shes still the same person i fell in love with. but theres also that other side you describe. and everytime i only scratch on a religious topic her real character makes place for her jw side.
the funny thing is that in many things she more unchristian than me. believe it or not:
- she has non-believing friends, i dont
- she gets angry about human error in the local congregation, for me that never was a problem
- she also missing meetings
- she does fewer service than i do
- she studies fewer than i do
she only attends more meetings than me. but theres a difference. she feels bad about it. she wants doing more (she blames me for not pushing her - bad husband!) its different for me. i wouldnt have a problem not to attend any meeting nor going to service anymore... but i do it because i cant bear the pressure atm. im doing it for humans.
btw: 2 weeks ago i had a #4 talk and since im a communicative person i never had a problem with that stuff. what happened? everyone was happy about my wonderful talk and i the elders want a visit with me. my cong desperately needs a new MS and in the past i did many privileges and nearly was appointed. i guess they think they can reactivate me. for my own surprise i said yes to the visit. (before i told them twice that i dont want it... THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I SAID "NO" TO ANYTHING LIKE THAT!) i guess it will be a visit like other before. elders talk, i say almost nothing... because when i would say something the chances are that i say something wrong...
have a nice day all of you!
freeme