My 17 year old daughter has so many problems

by Jez 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • purplesofa

    Dear Jez,

    I am sending my phone number to you pm.


  • jaguarbass

    How did this happen?


    schitsophrenia, broken home, drugs, dont believe in God, poverty, Goth, Doesnt sleep, eats junk food. It runs in family.

    How many did I get correct?

    How many do you know about?

    She needs thorozine and reprograming.

    For a long time garbage has been going in, Now its coming out.

  • mrsjones5

    What you are going through with your daughter reminded of an article I read in the july/aug 06 issue of Psychology Today. It's an interview with the mother of Courtney Love: Linda Carroll.

    Here's the like if you'd like to read it:


  • bikerchic


    I am so sorry you are going through this.

    She is incredibly ignorant. Tells me to f off all the time at the hospital, to get lost, to NOT find her, to leave her alone, that she hates me. She has been that way for a long time. Her moods are black and white.

    Please don't take it as an insult against you, she is seriously mentally ill and it's her disease speaking NOT HER! I have a sister with sz and believe me I know what you are up against and this is just the beginning of a long, long roller coaster of a ride. You have to get informed and you have to have a support group not only for yourself by all your family members because you all will be affected by this disease.

    I recommend two things one is You can register there and get lots of information and help as well as an online support group.

    The other is reading this book called The Quiet Room by Lori Schiller it will give you so much insight to your daughter and what she is dealing with. It's not about YOU it's about what YOU can do to help her best.

    My heart is heavy with what you are going through. Please take care of yourself and try very hard to let go of worrying about her and concentrate on your new little one and your husband. She will be okay even if she does something horrible she'll get in the right hands eventually and the system will then start taking care of her illness. Sometimes a person has to reach their bottom before they are willing to surrender and get help, that is not a bad thing but it is hard to watch, I know. Which is why I say to let go, she'll be fine!

    Hang in there!

  • Mum

    Jez, I am so sorry. It is so hard to know what they are thinking and what the cause may be.

    My granddaughter, now 17, disappeared for six weeks last summer. We were reasonably sure she was with her boyfriend, but we didn't know where they were hiding. We finally hired a private detective to find her. Then my daughter enrolled her in a residential treatment program (private and expensive) for six months, at a cost of almost $45,000, which I will be paying back for the rest of my days. She is better now and seems to be on track, so I think it was worth all of the expense.

    Have you talked to anyone about what kind of help is out there? If there are financial issues, help might be available for that as well. Do you have a supportive family that might help? You should seek some counseling to help you cope with all of this as well. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of everyone else.

    With understanding,


  • LeslieV

    I am so sorry that you and your daughter have experienced this. I wish I had a magic wand to make it better for the both of you.

    Can you speak with the Mental Health facility about care for your daughter? Since she is still a minor, I do not believe they can withhold information from you until she turns 18. Mental illness is a difficult chronic illness, but with meds and counseling it is perfectly controllable.

    Many of her symptons are also symptons of drug abuse. Time will tell what is really happening with her. Many times teens with mental health issues self-medicate with drugs. It controls the fear. We are here for you.


  • Quandry

    I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. Of course you love her. But, I would like to mention this. You are having a little one soon. Your stress could be transferred to this new baby. You must take care of yourself and him/her.

    I wonder if you just told her that you want to place your confidence in her decisions, and back off for awhile. I know that this would be hard, but she may respond if she does not feel pressure from you and the need to rebel to "show you."

    Just a thought. You certainly don't have to go with any advice other than what you feel will be effective. I just hope this doesn't completely engulf you to the point where you lose other relationships. This will help no one.

  • Jez

    I am exhausted.

    I have cried and thought of nothing but her, I want to say days, but in reality, it is years.

    I have a very supportive family. All of them say to give her what she has so desperately fought for. Time and 100% independence. Mental health has been involved and they just keep saying that they can't help her if she won't even step forward a bit.

    Everyone I love that loves her, says that this can't all be my battle, that I can't care more than she does. Let her hit whatever place she needs to hit. Then it is her decision, not mom carrying her all the time.

    I appreciate everyone's comments, it is why I posted. I filter through the ones that apply to my daughter as I could not possibly provide all the details. However, she has led a charmed life. We are professionals, she has travelled to many places in the world, she has been pushed to volunteer, part time jobs to try to 'plug' her into the world, counselling since she was 13, staying with family that loves her like grandpa and auntie in the summers, etc etc etc.

    The only thing I feel guilty about is that she left JWs when she was 10 and sometimes I wonder if I ripped her world apart by pulling her out of everything and everyone she knew. It shattered her belief system. Although I have always justified it by stating that MY personal morals and values never changed. I never changed as a mom and a person. Just the religion I belonged to. However, we all know, that it is not a religion. It is a way of life. I cultured shocked her. The younger girl was never as indoctrinated as the older, so got over it almost right away.

    Purps, I will call you. Thank you. Jez

  • bigdreaux

    my heart goes out to you. i pray you don't give up on her. she def. has mental issues and i doubt she is doing these things on purpose.

  • jgnat

    First of all, you must take care of yourself. You are no good to anyone if you are worn out.

    Second, boundaries. You do not have to join her in her craziness. You do not have to answer the phone at 3:00 in the morning. You can walk away if she calls you names.

    Third, love her by making the wisest decisions for her long term health, not on whether she will hate you or not. Tough-love.

    Fourth, the one thing you haven't tried, time. You will have to wait until she is low enough to ask for help. In the meantime, pray the streets don't eat her alive.

    Your family is right. Let the girl have what she thinks she wants. Your love, the life you offer is so superior to the streets. If she gets low enough, your smile will seem like heaven itself shining down on her.

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