My 17 year old daughter has so many problems

by Jez 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • Jez

    Well, my 17 year old has left home in a horribly negative way. She has had many problems for many years. She ran away a year ago, we dragged her home, took her to the hospital for bulimia and suicidal tendencies. She was committed and spend a couple of weeks there. She seemed to do better, and then she turned 17,

    "Don't tell me what to do" "I am 17 now" "I don't need to tell you where I am staying"

    She started failing school, eventually quit, but got a job she loved. But started spending more and more time away from home.

    She went missing about a week ago, had not heard from her for 3 days. Finally we heard from her and the place she was staying at, a Youth Home, phoned the police to take her up to the hospital bec they were worried about her. Said she had disclosed paranoia feelings like hearing voices in the alley, wanting the bath water running to drown out the voices, jumping from her room to the bathroom to not activate the voices. Bruises, grab marks on her arms, she could or would not account for where she had been for 3 days. and possible drug use.

    She lied to everyone, as I found out eventually, about being a homeless kid, not able to go home, living on the streets, needing help, etc etc. Spun a huge lie and used a different name even.

    She was taken to the hospital where she was committed, but she escaped. (They let her go unattended to the washroom, f'ing idiots) I found her via her cell phone numbers and a massive investigation on my part. Cops have been crap.

    Back she went, only to be released the next day, because they can't help someone that refuses help. She won't accept anything from anyone.

    She is with someone named Keith, a horrible 40 year old, that she calls a friend. When I talked to her at the hospital, she swears she is not using drugs, that she is fine, etc etc. But even her friends all call her a compulsive liar.

    She is out there, without anything from home, all her stuff is here. She needs help, but refuses. I miss her so much, I heave with pain and crying. I don't believe in God, but I have been talking to her every night and every morning, telling her to save herself, that she is loved, that she has hundreds of supportive family waiting for her, to be strong, to remember everything she was taught and experienced.

    How did this happen?


  • bisous

    I'm not a doctor, but some of her symptoms match those of the onset of schizophrenia. Here is a link re: early onset and symptoms:

    It seems like there is something that could be done by a doctor if this is the case. She could be a danger to herself or even others ... there are lots of other resource links in the above article.

    Sorry you are going through this, hopefully it isn't the above ... and you can find resources to help her no matter what the case. Don't Give Up on Her!

  • 5go

    I am a scitzo.

    The first signs of schizophrenia may appear as radical changes in behavior, even for a teen: negative symptoms, such as withdrawal from family and friends or positive symptoms such as talking to someone who is not there, laughing for no obvious reason, or having delusions of grandeur or persecution. However, because the symptoms often resemble those of depression or bipolar disorder, schizophrenia can be difficult to diagnose. And, since adolescents are in a period of emotional and hormonal flux, parents often mistake symptoms of schizophrenia for a passing adolescent phase. While the parents continue to believe this, the illness progresses.
  • sspo

    I agree with Bisous, my daughter started doing the same at 15 and did everything in the world to get her help.

    Spent 10000's on professional help with no results and then out of the blue she snapped out of it around 21.

    She is happy pioneering now ( which i don't agree with) but i rather see her in this condition then the mess she was in before.

    Hang in there and see if she can be convinced to get some medication which i feel will help immensily.

  • jgnat

    <--------- mother, mother-in-law, and ex-wife to Schizophrenics....

    Schizophrenics are scared most of the time. Unseen threats terrify them. They are not sure what is real or who to trust.

    You can force help on your daughter. You can have her committed as she is a danger to herself. They will keep her for a short time, get her assessed and stable. The rest will be up to her. If she is sick of being sick, she may accept help. I waited until my son was in his mid-twenties and at his lowest. The hospital was a relief, as he, and I, were able to get some decent sleep for the first time in a long, long while. My son hated me when I committed him, but within days he had forgiven me. Now, I am his rock. He calls me nearly every night. My telling him that I love him, proud of him, confirms his life is worthwhile.

    My friend keeps me up to date on the most recent medical breakthroughts. Gratifying in a way is the discovery that there is measurable damage to the frontal lobes of Schizophrenics. I myself have witnessed this. Their personality becomes flatter, less vibrant, over time. Some of the new medications can halt the progression of the disease, so the sooner you get your daughter stabilized, the better. The most terrifying statistic for me is the number of schizophrenics who commit suicide. I also console myself that parents have children with cystic fibrosis, a damaged heart, or diabetes. These children suffer a shortened life and require constant care, too. But the parents somehow find a way. I fiercly give my son hope for his future. My dreams for him are different than most folks, but they are unique and made just for him.

    Now it might be that your daughter is merely in to drugs, as they come with their own hallucinations. But somehow I don't think so. Regular people on drugs don't have such persistent delusions.

    Or, she might have a drug problem AND schizophrenia. My son, too, has this dual diagnosis. He's attended treatment programs specifically designed for this double whammy. That makes his current progress all the more amazing. I am so proud of him.

  • emptywords

    Hard to tell...if she is hearing voices that is a sign of schizophrenia. Not all schiz; hear voices. Smoking drugs even marijana can cause phychosis, delusions and anxiety. Needs to see a very good caring GP that can encourage her to see a pshychitrist that maybe able (usually by trial and error) prescribe something that could help her.

    This fourty year old is a worry, surely the police could try and do something about that, she's a minor.

    I was a very disturbed and rebellious young girl going through puberty, things can happen with hormonal changes and some kids go through this change being very destructive to themselves, especially if they have a depressive illness. She may have bi/polar there are different degrees, of experiencing very highs and devasting lows.

    All the best.

  • garybuss

    My son was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. He was both antisocial and confrontational in his teens but I thought it was just adolescence and I assumed he would grow out of it. Wrong!

    He had his first major break when he was 20. I put a hold on him and he was hospitalized and prescribed hospitalization and treatment. My Witness relatives took him out of the hospital against medical advise, moved him in with a Witness family, and told him not to go to psychiatrists.

    His untreated disease worsened and he had more breaks. He crashed his car into traffic trying to outrun someone who was chasing him (a delusion). He fled the scene, kidnapped a man, stole a car, and was arrested and sent to the state mental hospital.

    His pattern was run, live with and/or work for Witnesses, quit prescribed medicine, have a break, be hospitalized, repeat, and repeat again. He's still with the Witnesses and he has shunned and snubbed me since I put the first hold on him in January of 1995. Currently he lives on disability and thankfully he is under a state commitment and is being monitored. I'm extremely grateful to the state and the federal government for their programs and people and for the help they have given my son.

  • Hortensia

    oh my word, how tough life is for some people! I am so sorry for what you all are going through - schizophrenia seems so difficult to deal with, I wish for you enormous strength and patience. It's true life is tough for everyone, one way or another, but it seems schizophrenics have been dealt a really bad hand.

  • Jez

    I don't know how to 'not give up on her' anymore.

    I feel like I have tried for years to stablize her. She was committed in Oct of 2006, the assessment was borderline personality disorder. They handed her back to me with some pamphlets.

    She WAS committed again just this week, but they released her. Said they can't help someone that won't help themselves. I said, BUT what if she is a danger to herself. The doctor said that they can't lock her up.

    The system has failed me everywhere I turn. The hospital, the cops. She is a minor, but how do I force her to stay at home? The cops even say I can't.

    I feel no joy in my life. I am due with a baby boy in 4 weeks and I am shocked at my stupidity for bringing another child into my life. We were so thrilled about this. Now, I can't feel anything but misery, longing for her, and desperation.

    I sit here bawling at 10am in the morning. I just want to hold her. I miss her so much.

    Last night I left the house at 9 and just drove for 2 hours. I don't care if my husband is mad at me. I don't care about any other relationship right now. Just her. And I don't know what to do anymore.

    She is incredibly ignorant. Tells me to f off all the time at the hospital, to get lost, to NOT find her, to leave her alone, that she hates me. She has been that way for a long time. Her moods are black and white.

    I don't know how to save someone that is so adamantly refuses any help. Where would I take her? If I barge into where she is staying, will that drive her further away? Will she run to a bigger city? She has threatened to do that. Do I let her try to save herself for once and step forward a little? She can't do it for me, she has to do it for herself. I have done all of the above and nothing has worked.


  • misanthropic

    (((((Jez))))) That's heartbreaking indeed, I have no advice to offer. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your shoes but I certainly hope everything will work out for you and you'll be able to find the help you need for your daughter.

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