I HAVEN'T LEFT, ALTHOUGH I'VE NOT BEEN TO A MEETING IN SEVERAL WEEKS. I'VE SPENT ABOUT 8 HRS. A DAY ON THE "EVIL" INTERNET FOR ABOUT 3 WEEKS, NOW I'M TRYING TO SORT EVERYTHING OUT. THE FIRST WEEK I WAS TOTALLY FREAKED OUT. THE WHOLE U.N./N.G.O. THING WOKE ME UP, THEN THE HORROR OF THE "SILENT LAMBS" COMPLETELY SICKENED ME. I'VE ALWAYS HAD MISGIVINGS ABOUT THE FDS, NOT BEING ALLOWED TO RESEARCH OUTSIDE OF WHAT IS PROVIDED AS SPIRITUAL FOOD, AND THE CRITICISM OF ANYTHING CLOSE TO AN INDEPENDANT THOUGHT. I FEEL LIKE A ZOMBIE WALKING AROUND IN A SURREAL TWILIGHT ZONE.
SO, I'M READING LIKE A MADWOMAN, AND PRINTING AND HIGHLIGHTING AND FILING LIKE A "CONSPIRACY THEORY" LUNATIC. UP UNTIL THE LAST FEW DAYS I'VE BEEN IN SHOCK AND DENIAL. NOW I AM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF I CAN EVEN PRETEND I'M STILL CLUELESS JUST LONG ENOUGH TO GET THROUGH THE CONVENTION. IT HAS HELPED TREMENDOUSLY TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT ALONE. THIS IS MY FIRST POST AND IT IS LIBERATING.