my "father" decided to send me an email!

by theinfamousone 44 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  theinfamousone

  Before we even begin, if you have not read my story, you may not understand why this is such a big deal to me... this is a part of my story and it can be found at: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/101870/1.ashx

  and here we go... My "father", an abusive bastard of a JW, recently sent me an email that put me in a tizzy! It was late friday night, i had just gotten home from a shift at a local bar where i bartend on occasion! I was exhausted and was greeted by my incredible GF who was waiting for me. She was finishing up some sowing work, she was making us a new duvet cover, and i decided this was a great time to check my email! MISTAKE! For some god awful reason, my father decided to send me an email... and for some moronic reason, i decided to open it... after reading it, through the tears i hit delete and did not respond... i cannot remember exactly the words he put into it, but it was basically this

  "dear son, i just finished watching the Pursuit of Happyness with will smith. and it made me cry. and i started to think, how could it be that i tried so hard to raise you right, and now you shun me like there was never anything between us. i did so much for you, and now you do not even seem to know that i exist. why is that? and why is it that you decide not to care about your sister and mother anymore? what happened to us, son?

  just know that we all love you and miss you dearly,

  your father"

  and instantly i began to cry... not because the email was tender, but because this (expletive deleted) decided to forget the past we have had... decided to forget that he beat the shit out of me for so long.... forget that he took my knee with a baseball bat.. that he had tried to kill me... that he had tried to keep my sister away from me... that he had puched me out the door with nothing but my t-shirt and shorts on, not even shoes.... and he seems to forget that i stay in contact with my sister and mother, and do not have any needs to talk to him right now... usually, i would extremely forgiving, and have forgiven him for what he has done, but this email was not an attempt for redemption, it was a shot... he was trying to hurt me, and i let him succeed!

  what kind of man decides to pretend that he was always the perfect father??? especially one with his history!

  i don't know, maybe i'm just ranting because i need to!

  the infamous one
• 

  poppers

  Rant away - it sounds like you have just cause.
• 

  J-ex-W

  ((((((((((((((((((( theinfamousone )))))))))))))))))))
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  You certainly deserve your rants. Just go on with your life, not bothering with him.

  It won't feel better to answer him, pushing back with demands of "WHY?" He won't
  give good answers and you will stay mad every time you deal with him.

  Either that, or send your original story from the link to him. Tell him you want an
  apology from him, a full confession to the elders in his current hall. After that, you
  might occasionally talk to him. Without that, forget it.
• 

  ShirleyW

  I'm of the "in your face" category mainly because being raised in the lie, I just can't tolerate lies to my face, send him a msg back and say what about the beatings, etc.

  If he's like my mother he'll probably beat around the bush awhile but keep at it until you get an answer, you're dealing with a dad here, not an estrogen induced female mother, I can say that . . .I'm female too.
• 

  LtCmd.Lore

  Gimme his email address. I want to send him a virus!
• 

  steve2

  Sometimes refusing to give in to emotional blackmail and deciding whether and when you will forgive are the first important steps to developing a clearer and stronger picture of your own sense of identity (i.e., knowing who you are).

  I like the way you recognise that, in the past, you may have been quick to respond to your father. It's a skill to be able to regulate your emotins when you feel hurt and not to act on the immediate action urge. As painful as it feels for you, sounds like you are making progress!!
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  DJK

  Well infamousone, you have described my own growing up experiences perfectly. As for the e-mails, my father started sending me e-mails just before Christmas. All of a sudden with no apparent reason. One here and one there. They are getting more frequent. I came home tonight and there are two. Mostly G rated jokes by themselves. A few words and a few more words. Nothing serious yet but I do expect it. Occasionally I return a G rated joke to keep him baited because I want to know what he's up to. His new wife is a nasty woman and I hope he isn't happy. When I find out what his motives are, then I'll shun him. Maybe.

  In your case it's obvious your father misses you, maybe, and maybe he's trying to make amends. Don't jump to shutting him out. Give yourself some time to think about it. What you would like to do is very obvious and there is always tomorrow.
• 

  DoubleVision

  Hi theinfamousone
  
  Reading that just reminded me of my dad. He does the same thing. My dad isn’t a witness, but acted the same way
  like nothing is wrong and says “I was a good father “. Ya right. My wife and I after years of abuse finally diagnosed
  him as Bi polar or manic. But it is very weird that they don’t get it.
  Actually I think one of the reasons I was attracted to the “truth” was because of the abuse as a child by him plus on top of
  that loosing my mom to cancer when I was seven.
  
  Well it’s good to vent. It takes time to heal. Just don’t act like him. That’s what I did in the beginning. It’s scary when you
  catch yourself doing the same things to others that he did to you.
  
  Hang in there.
  
  DV
• 

  sinis

  Lets not forget that PEOPLE DO CHANGE! Perhaps what he did to you years before was painfull. Memories fade, but cannot be forgotten. Yet the future can alter our past. Maybe your father wants a relationship, perhaps he realizes his folly and wants to make amends, yet he is apprehensive and his e-mail, though poorly worded, was an attempt to make amends. It really depends what you want in life. In my own case, though I was pressured by the cult, I cut off all ties while growing up with my grandfather (disfellowshipped for chewing tobacco). He died several years later, and only after I broke free from religion did I think about what I had done, and still to this day I cannot forgive myself. I thought I was doing the right thing, now I realized I did what others wanted me to do. Most importantly I lost time and can NEVER get those years back. The situation is different than yours, but once a person passes this world, the love or hate we had for that individual no longer matters. If you think it is in your best interest, perhaps you could email him back and remind him of what he had done, better yet, if you can allow the past to be just that - the past, you can focus on the future and try to smooth things over. Good or bad, I'm sure your father provided for you while growing up. Sometimes, people don't treat others the way they should, either because they don't know how or they think what they are doing is correct. HTH