my "father" decided to send me an email!

by theinfamousone 44 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Nowman

  I was able to forgive but after my mom and I rekindled our 8 year no talk no speak period, we had a difficult time spending time with one another, she did and said everything out of guilt and I did and said everything out of being still angry. This gave me closure somewhat but it was still difficult to be with her and not think about my childhood, how could she act as if nothing happened, yet I didn't really want to talk about it either (which was not fair to her either)...I was back and forth for a period of time...

  Currently, after 7 years, we both gotten thru alot together which made our relationship stronger and better. I think my mom had emotional problems (stemming from the org) and that is why she did what she did when I was child, now that she is out of the org, she has grown stronger in faith that she made the correct decision to leave the org, and she has become a better person. She has PROVEN to me that she is sorry and I OK with this.

  For some, this may never happen, but it did for me. It was not an easy road, it was so hard emotionally to be with my mom at 1st.

  I really understand your situation and I hope that over time that your relationship will improve or you get some closure and move on.

  Take it easy, Nikki
• 

  codeblue

  I am so sorry for all the pain you have endured.

  I personally despise people that use email as a way of communicating with family on "highly sensitive issues". That alone is very impersonal. Your adopted Dad's message was one from a "fantasy world"....he has never accepted responsibility for all the abuse he gave you. This guy needs a "wakeup call. Sooner or later he willl receive it. Ignoring his email is your best defense. Like you said, there was no apologies, just more ways of "tearing you apart". Hitting the "junk" button on your computer will soon block all his messages. Maybe changing your email address would be a better way of keeping him away?

  I admire you for your accomplishments and for having a wonderful girlfriend to greet you when you come home from a hard day of work.

  Codeblue
• 

  theinfamousone

  god, i didn't realize how much i missed you guys when i was gone... you are all amazing... really, you're all awesome and there are tears in my eyes right now... seriously, your support means so much to me.... thank you so much.... as corny as this will sound, you guys are my family now, and i couldnt ask for a better one.

  oh and i thought the pursuit of happyness was stupid... too much focus on the money! money made them both happy? yeah right! it was a decent story, but i think the connection between the father and son should have been more of a focus than the job he achieved... but meh!

  the infamous one(thankful for all his internet family)
• 

  Hortensia

  he may be reaching out to you, but unless there is honesty it doesn't matter. As roller Dave said (I think that is who said it!) an apology doesn't come with excuses. You could just email him back, say what you have to say about your childhood in a factual non-emotional way: "here's what I experienced - unless you're willing to discuss that honestly there's no point in our having any contact." Or, just block his email address and let him try harder if he really wants to make contact. What abusers like that don't want to face is that parents can kill a child's love - and then you can't win it back. Trust will never entirely be there, although there can be reconciliation maybe, and forgiveness.
• 

  ex-nj-jw

  ((((((((((((((((((((theinfamousone))))))))))))))))))))))

  Rant away whenever needed!!!

  nj
• 

  reneeisorym

  (((hugs!!)))

  Im so glad you came here to rant. We all need support. You are completely justified in not talking to your dad. I would just ignore him and move on with my life. People have a way of forgetting the past and only remember the good things. My ex couldn't figure out why I left him after he controlled me / ran my life/ and sometimes beat me. I hope you feel better soon.

  Renee
• 

  Warlock

  If you have forgiven your father for all the abuse he put you through, then you are a much better man than I am.

  Warlock
• 

  LovesDubs

  Inf...oh I would DEFINITELY reply to this sonovabitch. Id say something like...

  Dear Sir: I received an email from you today and I believe based on the content, that you most likely sent this to the wrong email address, and that it was meant for someone else. You see MY father decided to forget the past we have had... decided to forget that he beat the shit out of me for so long.... forget that he took my knee with a baseball bat.. that he had tried to kill me... that he had tried to keep my sister away from me... that he had puched me out the door with nothing but my t-shirt and shorts on, not even shoes.... and he seems to forget that i stay in contact with my sister and mother, and do not have any needs to talk to him right now... unless of course he was to write or call me, to finally take ownership of all the pain he caused me, and perhaps ask to be forgiven so that as adults we can both move on. I certainly would be open to that.

  So I hope you find the address of the person you meant to send that email to so that you can resend it. In the meantime I have deleted it from my files as it mostly definitely does not apply to me.

  Good luck

  Inf
• 

  Mum

  Your father's e-mail is consistent with the way abusers think. He is accusing you of hurting him! I believe such people block out the memory of their own actions and the chaos they cause.

  My father and mother were both abusive, yet thought of themselves as benevolent and "good" parents. Whether or not we forgive them, the abuse creates habits in the abused that are self-destructive and hard to break. I was an appeaser and a peace keeper -- still am to some extent -- in order to try to guess what everyone else wanted so I would not be beaten or verbally abused. As a result, I was a failure in life. I know I brought it on myself in a sense because I had such a hard time learning not to be scared of anyone in authority. I took my fair share of verbal abuse from employers and co-workers and was almost always passed over for promotions and other benefits because I would settle for the lowest position in the organization as if I deserved no better.There was one employer who gave me several promotions, but only because they were paying me about 20-25% of what my responsibilities warranted.

  People who have not had this experience do not understand the long-term effects and how difficult it is to learn to accept yourself and appreciate who you are. Most of us pay a terrible price. As Marilyn French said, "Life rewards you for pleasure and punishes you for pain."

  Thank you for sharing your story.

  Best regards,

  SandraC
• 

  steve2

  I wouldn't reply to him because if you do, he can only hurt you even more when he invalidates your comments blindly protests his innocence and blames you.