I've given up. (page 6)

Asheron

Tom,

Lemme tell you a quick story.

After leaving (read THROWN OUT) home at 18 because of not agreeing with JW teachings I hit the street. After I wrecked my POS car that I was living in I was homeless for 6 months. I would sometimes stay at a friends house or sleep on the floor at one of the bars I worked at as a DJ and sometimes I would be an Urban Camper lol... I begged, borrowed (Never stole) until I saved enough money to rent a room at a boarding house. I worked 9 hours a day in construction and DJ'ed 5 nights a week averaging 4 hours a sleep a night until I had enough rent an apartment.

I wont go into the rest (might take awhile) but flash forward 25 years and life is secure now. I guess what I am trying to say is I hear and feel you and I have been where you are and maybe even a little lower but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Take a breath and realize that where there is life there is hope and this time in your life is the pressure that will make you into a diamond. Fell free to PM me if you wanna talk.

Ash

Abandoned

Thanks jgnat and Asheron. I'm doing better. They can only take so much from me. I'm just really trying to keep my car right now. On the one hand, if I let it go and found a thousand dollar beater car, I wouldn't have to work as much to get by and I wouldn't make enough for any agency, even the IRS, to take anything from me. I'd also have more time to dedicate to getting my writing thing going. But DAMN do I love that car.

Oh well, I'll figure out something. I'm not going to starve and I'm not going to be homeless. It's just how much pride I have to swallow before I can start moving upward again.

J-ex-W

It's just how much pride I have to swallow before I can start moving upward again.

Pride doesn't taste so bad. A few salty tears can flavor it. And tenderizes, too...helps it go down a little easier.

Abandoned

Pride doesn't taste so bad. A few salty tears can flavor it. And tenderizes, too...helps it go down a little easier.

You're probably right, but I'm just tired of starting over. The one difference this time is that once I can get back to center field, I have one hell of a plan. I just have to get past this financial disaster. I'm not sure how, but I know I'm going to do it too. I know I didn't come this far just to fall and stay down a couple feet in front of the vicory flag. So, tomorrow I solve what I can and write what I have to. The next day, the same. Eventually, I'll be writing what I want to and solving what I care to...

J-ex-W

The one difference this time is that once I can get back to center field, I have one hell of a plan.

Good for you!!

penny2

At least you've saved lots of money not buying ciggies - and maybe added a couple of years to your life (and that's a good thing).

Abandoned, you are a very good writer. Keep looking at the positive and I hope life improves for you.

penny2

Abandoned

At least you've saved lots of money not buying ciggies - and maybe added a couple of years to your life (and that's a good thing).
Abandoned, you are a very good writer. Keep looking at the positive and I hope life improves for you.

I have saved a bit of scratch. According to quitplan.net, I've saved $1,184.00. And while that is just a tiny chip off the formidable glacier of debt I'm currently facing, I'm sure it has had a positive effect. The true benefit from having quit smoking, however, is from the immense boost to my self-esteem. I quit one of the hardest habits to ditch during one of the most trying periods of my life. I'm pretty damn pleased with myself over that. No matter what else, I know I'm capable of not only managing my life, but making a positive difference while I'm still here. I still have to find some way to melt this glacier though -- or convert it into a ski resort.

I really appreciate your admoniton to focus on the positive. I believe I'm successful along those lines about 90% of the time. So I just need to find some way to deal with (or suffer through with grace) the other ten percent. I can do it though. I'm more convinced than ever that it's these horrible moments that define and refine us. No matter what I go through and no matter how low I fall, nobody can ever take away from me the character I've developed.

Thanks for the compliment on my writing too. I'm 100% convinced that writing -- or at least communication -- will play a major part in my life. I guess it already does, but I really believe that if I do have a specific purpose, it involves sharing what I've learned.

Thanks again for your kindness.

tall penguin

"I'm more convinced than ever that it's these horrible moments that define and refine us. No matter what I go through and no matter how low I fall, nobody can ever take away from me the character I've developed."

YES!!! Nice to hear you express this AB.

tall penguin

bernadette

hi abandoned, really sorry about your situation.

Was listening to a U2 song today 'sometimes you can't make it on your own' - or something like that. If i knew how I'd have put a link here for u to listen to. a very moving encouraging song.

gonna go and see if i can

bernadette

sorry abandoned couldn't upload it but perhaps u know the song I'm talking about.

mia_b

Sorry to hear you are going through rough times - i get worried sick about debt even when its not my own - you've received lots of good advice and the best is that u did go out and start to find help on the days you were "sick". Thats a really positive thing to do, i tend to sit at home and feel depressed and then kick myself for not doing what i said i'd do!

I've given up.

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