by The wanderer 52 Replies latest jw friends
What I miss is the sense of belonging and camaraderie that came with
being one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Does this mean that I would return? No, it was just
that I was used to an organization.
If your answer is that you do not miss some of the camaraderie of being in an
organization, how do you justify your time on this discussion board talking about
your past witness life?
Respectfully,
The Wanderer
Good Thread Wanderer,
I think that inheritantly we want to feel that we belong to someone or something, that is the way we are made. I don't miss the comradery as you stated but miss many many good people who were genuinely nice. I believe that there are nice people in any religion and it is not my job or duty to judge them no matter what they believe. God is the judge.
Why do I post, maybe it is to belong to something that I enjoy, I belong to various other work related things or clubs but it is out of necessity and not because I enjoy it. I enjoy talking to others who know what I am feeling, know what it feels like, knows how it works. Outside of the forum, you cant describe what goes on inside the JW and people dont understand but here they do and people dont judge you or have to try and figure out what you are talking about.
So yes I enjoy my fellow disgruntled posters, my fellow recovery victims, my fellow humans, my fellow family in Christ.
abr
Mostly I miss my daughter. My main reason for coming on this board is the hope that something will happen in my lifetime to make the WT crumble. I'm not even sure that would be enough to bring her back. She is so firmly entrenched.
Yes, I do miss some of it. I miss being looked up to as an example, I miss the knowledge that only JW's had the right religion, the knowledge that I would not have to die in this system of things--all an illusion. But some of the things I miss don't even exist any more--like congregation get-to-gethers, cafeterias and orchestras at the assemblies (I was always part of that).
Still my life is better. Clyde and I are finally in complete harmony. Two of our children are out of the Borg. I have a successful business to help make up for all the years we weren't preparing for retirement (the end was so close), and I'm starting to cultivate a few friends. And I can wake up on Saturday and Sunday morning knowing that I have the freedom to live a normal life instead of following the directives of an organization of men.
Humans are generally gregarious, enjoying interaction. Of course you're going to feel bereft when leaving one of your social groups, such as the JWs. The greatest difficult with that particular one is that it demanded exclusivity, meaning that there was nothing else to fall back on.
The secret to reducing the pain is to develop other social groups in your life, even though the WTS frowns on such conduct. Most real-life people do so. They have:
We all have a variety of "circles" in life, sometimes known as "spheres of influence". If we cultivate these we will often find that when one particular social group disappears, the others take up the slack and/or others take their place. This is a natural sociological process.
I feel that as ExJWs we can use our experience to advantage, if we apply it to educating folks to the dangers of clichs. Instead of joining narrow groups we can be more inclusive, which breeds tolerance. At that level I just view the WTS as a rather insular clich that snubs and shuns its outcasts, even to the detriment of family bonds. It is especially in this later case that I find it so deplorable, and even hypocritical in the context of 2Tim.3:3 ("without natural affection").
Hi all,i was brought up as a witness from about age 5 if i remember rightly.My parents became witnesses just before the whole 1975 fiasco.upto about 13 y old i have good memories of friendships get togethers with barn dancing (yawn)many weddings.i do remember the rules for elders kids being different.My mother was dfd and my father had been a closet alcoholic for years ie we the family new but the cong thought the sun rose and set up his backside.Us kids 2 brothers and two sisters were basicly left without any support and were effectively shunned .mum and dad split my father cheated on my mum .So i didnt or we didnt go to meetings. Then in my late twenties while at a low point in my life i went back to the witnesses purely because most of my gd memories were when we were jws .i got babtised and after the the initial love bombing it didnt take me long to remember the bed things and i started seeing it all again .I didnt really feel like i belonged because i never really saw evidence of the love they were supposed to have among themselves in fact when someone had a problem they seemed to leave u alone more .Basicly u r either a jw or ur nothing to them except something to put on a report slip at the end of the month . In my twenties i joined the rave scene took e for a while and it was there i felt i belonged soon i realised that love was drug enduced though so got out of that.thats enough from me though have fun y,all and i hope we all find whatever we are looking for xx
I get the sense of what you are saying. I had much purpose as a JW.
I was a book study conductor, theocratic school overseer. I had people
who depended on me. I was surrounded by "friends." I was constantly
invited to gatherings or just out to dinner with friends. I went to give
talks at other Halls, sometimes far in travel, and people welcomed me
with glee. My wife loved making new friends, and now she's affected by
my changes.
If I were DF'ed, I could develop more friendships with coworkers or people
of like interest. I am starting to do that anyway. I am not doing much of
it yet, but I have read that you need to "belong" somewhere else if that's
what you need. Join a book club, or wine club. Vacation at resorts. Get
a hobby that doesn't isolate you from people, but causes you to mix with them.
JWD is my temporary solution. I am here too often. I will get away more, soon.
I just am not ready to do what I need to do while still attending meetings for the
fade.
I should also add that we need to rid ourselves of the mindset that "extra-curricular activities" are bad. There is no scripural basis for this belief. The WTS use of 1Cor.15:33 ("bad associations spoil useful habits") is not unique, as it is something that most people in the world acknowledge without even knowing that scripture. Hence being a little prudent as to avoiding the more extreme characters in life is not unusual. Simply put, don't jump at an individual and make them your closest friend simply because they showed you a little interest. Give yourself all the time in the world - there's really no urgency - chill!
Widening your group of friends, and being willing to do more than just work with colleagues, is often a really good start. Question why it is that you find yourself heading straight out of the door and home from work, before locking yourself in the house. What is really holding you back from having one beer with the guys, at the end of a hard day? Often it is nothing but an unsubstantiated fear that has been placed in our minds through repeated "counselling" with 1Cor.15.
OTWO:
To you I offer a snippet of my own experience:
I found this Board about four months before I lef tthe JWs, and as you seem to be finding, it was a lifeline.
About six weeks before I left I started opening myself up to other people in the following ways:
These were just little ways, as this developed within six weeks. I didn't have a full-blown support system, but it grew and grew until now (just five years later) I have:
You can do this too, when the time comes. All it takes are small changes in how we view fellow humanbeings, who ironically are in a similar situation to us - we are all human - we are gregarious - we crave human companionship - that isn't limited to exJWs!
I genuinely hope that helps, because I know how lonely the road can be, in places.
W - Yes I do, that has been the worst part of leaving.
I miss members of my family and my friends, but I realize that I am not the person that I was when I was a JW, so not sure if they would really be my friends any longer. I do miss the feeling of belonging, I think that is the worst part of walking away.
Leslie
