by The wanderer 52 Replies latest jw friends
definitely.
However boards like this have really helped. I have had the oppurtunity to get to know some great people.
I do think that changing one's mindset about those activities that were once forbidden to us is really helpful. Slowly over the last year, I feel like in many ways my ciricle of friends has grown once again, and I found a place where I belong and there are no prerequisites other then just being a half way decent person. (At least I'd like to think I'm a half way decent person )
Yes , I do still miss the sense of belonging , belonging the "The Truth" - we were special (in our own eyes). We had knowlege of the "sacred secrets " of the Bible , we knew Gods battle plan for the end of the system, we even a personal relationship with the Sovereign of the universe. Doesn't that make you feel important?
Like ' On The Way Out' I used to be totally involved . To be honest I miss the respect that people would have for the elder. The loss of a spritual dimension to life has not been replaced . Thank God (and Simon) for this board.
But that is not say that I regret in any the realization that it was all baloney. There used to be a saying in the congregation that "It was better to be wrong within Gods organization (if a belief needed correction) than to be right outside it"... That is not true. I do not envy the poor deluded dupes who believe that they will live forever on Earth
It is better to know the reality of things and make the best life that you can, then to live a life dominated by false promises..
To a certain extent, yes, but not so much now as when I first left, and gave up all my friends almost overnight.
To go from being part of such a close - knit group as the witnesses to being more or less on your own is a big step for anyone. I was lucky in that I had one friend outside the org, and a few work colleagues who were quite happy to see me socially. I have built on that, and nowadays I don't miss the camaraderie that existed at the kh very much at all.
Dear Friends:
I would like to extend my thanks to all
in particular to Little Toe's comments.
Thank you for answering this troubling
question.
Respectfully,
The Wanderer
I did.
But I came to realize that the reason I had a sense of self-worth in being a JW was that I had been conditioned to believe that my self-worth derived from conformity with the precepts and practices of that group. As a consequence I could find no sense of self-worth from behaving in any other way.
ex-JW I found the same struggle, and, admittedly, to a definite degree I found that I used this discussion board as a "substitute," psychologically speaking: Acceptance by this group, instead of the other one--but fundamentally the same world-perception.
Now I couldn't care less who accepts me, or why they do or don't...
except for Kate.
Althouh I spent almost 20 years "in", (and close to 30 at least associated), I was always somewhat of an "outsider" in terms of the cliques at the hall. I always saw through the comaraderie somewhat, and just managed to maintain a small circle of good friends, that tended to think the way I thought about things. Three of those friends, I am still on speaking terms with, as one is an ex-jw, one is "inactive", and potentially an ex-jw, and the third is an elder, with enough common sense, and rational thought to know the Borg is wrong about many things. It is my hope, all will be "ex" jws someday.
Fortunately, I always been sort of a "liberal" witness. My one elder freind, (18 years my senior), was quite normal and a big influence on me during my late teenage, and early 20s years. I worked for him during college, (of which he encouraged to go to), and things such as having a drink after work with other work associates and hobbies were things I saw him pursuing, so I got away from the "all extra cirricular activities are bad" mentality early on. Over the course of my 20s, I always found it awkward to hear other jws talk and act in such an ultra conservative manner. They just seemed brain dead to me, and not a good reflection on the organization as a whole.
j
Dear Done4Good:
Your life and my life have so many
similiarities and commonground ex-
periences that after reading your dis-
cussion thread I thought I was reading
about my life.
Thanks for inparting the knowledge.
Respectfully,
The Wanderer
Great thread. And something that is rarely mentioned, but a huge part in leaving any organization. Even living a place of employment brings this emotion, so leaving an insular environment does create that 'empty' feeling.
For me it was a bit of a double whammy as I not only left the JW family, but I also left the belief in God. For some time I felt spiritually lonely. I had dropped my comfort blanket.
I prepared myself by spending more time with friends outside the organization. Trusting 'outsiders'. These people are still my closest friends, even separated by the Atlantic, we're all still very close.
Preparation is the key. There is a poster on this board who explained to me and the wife how he prepared for his exit. His prep is good advice to anyone about to leave. Not only did he start befriending outsiders, but, and to his emphasis more importantly, he prepared himself financially. His support group was about to get the boot, so he made sure he could support himself first.
steve
Yes. True freedom and "truth" does have a price which all of us have to pay for in one form or another.
KIM
Craig:There's no shame in using a "substitute" for a while. Methadone works for drug addicts.
Wanderer:
Just an observation. Excuse me, please, for a grin at your expense. You bring me close to giggling when I see how formally you write
Chill dude, you're in company of friends, not the Queen
