by Elsewhere 45 Replies latest jw friends
Just take it slow, get to know whoever it is your talking to and let it turn into someting else over time (if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be).
I can't tell you how many times I've done that, and it made me realized that I was growing old.
When I started portraying my sexuality first and getting to know her later, that's when I quit making female friends and found myself dating these women. Taking things "slow" has a high failure rate.
Ultimately, if you aren't friends with your spouse or significant other, whats the point? You can't have too many real friends, and if you find some, keep them. You don't have to anticipate more, enjoy what there is. They have friends too, same sex friends. Widening your circle of friends is the best way to meet a compatible mate. IMO. And you never know when a friend relationship may morph into more. Take each day one at a time and enjoy it for what it is. You aren't old or decrepit. No rush.
I could be they have a disease they aren't telling you about and are in fact doing you a favor by not giving into your advances. STDs are actually more common than people think . I'm trying to look at differently these days myself .
::I can't tell you how many times I've done that, and it made me realized that I was growing old.
When I started portraying my sexuality first and getting to know her later, that's when I quit making female friends and found myself dating these women. Taking things "slow" has a high failure rate.
LOL Nos your all of 28- you old man you- good thing you realized that before you died of old age :p
Wait, if you just want to 'hook up' different advice. Go to bars, wait till real late and take home whoevers left. Eww. Gross. Then you have to drink too much, and bad things happen.
Dating is to find out if there is the real chemistry, so if they aren't feeling it, they aren't. If you are doing something to scare them off-you need to re-evaluate your communications and see what might be initiating the downgrade of the potential relationship to 'friend':
Do you forget your wallet a lot?
Talk about yourself to excess?
Discuss disastrous past relationships?
Dwell on the Borg?(you can do that with us, but might want to wait to get into that with a girl)
Do you make long phone calls during a date?
Workaholic?
Spend a lot time in the restroom?
Bad table manners?
If you think there is something going on, maybe you can ask one of your new 'friends' for dating advice.They may gently guide you in a way that is helpful. They may be brutally honest. Might want to think about who you ask and what kind of response you want.
Shelly
PS don't know how you 'portray your sexuality first'? Do you expose yourself? Try to jump their bones? Discuss favorite positions? I am thinking that could scare some nice people off. Of course, I think the guy with that advice is now married with a new baby, so maybe he could suggest what he means by that:) Something worked for him. I am in not so great a marriage, but its actually improving and I have been paying attention over the years. During a separation from my husband years ago, I met a few guys-they either wanted sex right away or marriage right away. The marriage ones were very intense(in my 30's, I think they wanted kids and didn't want to wait too long! HAH, like that was gonna happen!!!) No one just wanted to 'date' like we did in the old days (the 80's). The world changed a lot.
Ultimately, if you aren't friends with your spouse or significant other, whats the point?
That comes with "getting to know her" and getting involved in a "long term relationship". A great man once said, "If you're not fvvving her, you're her girlfriend". I have yet to meet a woman who wants to have sex with her best friend.
Widening your circle of friends is the best way to meet a compatible mate.
Why stop at your circle of friends? There's a whole world full of single women out there!
And you never know when a friend relationship may morph into more.
I've only had one "friend relationship" morph into "more", and that only happened when I started showing her that I was a sexual human being. All the other female friends I had ended up being nothing more than friends.
If what Elsewhere is doing isn't working, then he should do something different.
LOL Nos your all of 28- you old man you- good thing you realized that before you died of old age :p
You'd be surprised at how many men out there are 30+ year old virgins (and they're not JWs).
Keep looking buddy. I can't explain what makes a connection work, but if it isn't there, or only there on one side, it isn't there. Move on. Could you imagine going through life with someone who pretended to think you were the one but really didn't believe so deep down? They would feel worse each day and there's no way that you could feel complete.
I've been on both sides of this, but I'd rather get hurt or risk hurting someone else than suffering through what I mentioned above.
HI elsewhere,
You may feel there is chemistry, but the girl doesn't feel there is enough, so you have to be patient and persistent. Some girls may also be testing you to see if you're just interested in sex.
I also agree with the comment about playful teasing. That's very sexy, provided it's not mean-spirited. Be careful with the touching though, different people have different personal boundaries.
If I recall, you're a programmer. After working with programmers for 20 years, one thing I've learned about them (at least the younger ones) is generally speaking they have much more interest in details than the general population and will debate them ad nauseum. They also like to frequently 'clarify' things other people say. It's annoying to be corrected. I'm not saying all programmers do this, but you may want to watch yourself and see if you're like that.
Have you considered meeting a foreign woman like in the Philippines, Russia, or Columbia? Seriously... If what you are after is a serious relationship that leads to marriage, it does work. It does cost big bucks to join one of those "introduction" services and you have to get a plane ticket to the country of your choice, not to mention the year plus it takes to get a fiancee visa. It worked for a couple of guys I knew who got with Phillipino women. Once you get the fiancee visa, you have 3 months to marry the woman or ship her back.
I almost did this, but I ended up meeting somebody near me.
Long time since I've been single, but I know for sure that when I was, it took me a lot longer to decide that I liked a guy romantically than it took the guys to decide that they liked me romantically.
I'm not sure if it's just me, or if most women are like that. I was looking for a serious relationship, though, and I wasn't going to just jump into a romantic relationship unless I was sure that I really liked the guy. Maybe the women you meet really DO like you, and are using the 'friends' line to keep you around without them having to make a decision yet?
Good luck to you... you seem like a really sweet guy!
GGG
