Question for Singles: Tired of hearing the "F" word?

by Elsewhere 45 Replies latest jw friends

  • Elsewhere

    I'm very much a home-body, so I don't go out much and meet a lot of people. In recent months I've been trying to reverse that and meet more people.

    So far the pattern is this:

    1. Meet someone.
    2. Start chatting and talking.
    3. Notice a distinct chemistry.
    4. Attempt to move things to the next level.

    Now this is where things get frustrating. Despite the two of us obviously having a good time with each other and there being chemistry, I always get the following line:

    "I just want to be..." and then the dreaded "F" word: Friends.

    What's wrong? Why do I keep getting shot down like that?

    Anyone else keep getting this too?

  • Jourles
    "I just want to be..." and then the dreaded "F" word: Friends.

    To me, that sounds like a person is trying to keep their "options" open. The type that is always on the lookout for someone hotter, wealthier, etc.

  • restrangled

    When you start chatting, what are you talking about? You may want to limit what you are revealing. Such as you are looking for a relationship, lover, etc. I am just guessing, but I would leave some mystery in the mix, and be reserved. Don't lay all your cards on the table at once!

    Not single, but was at one time.


  • Virgochik

    Elsewhere, I told my husband I just wanted to be friends, too. We took a six month training at work, in a group which involved staying in residence hotel sometimes. Often, the group shared dinner together. After the course ended, hubby mentioned that there was no reason we couldn't still have dinner together sometimes, just as friends. I agreed to still have a meal with him, if it was understood we weren't dating. I told him I wasn't looking for anything more. He agreed and said he wasn't, either.

    3 months later, he asked me to get married. I said, nah...thanks, but no thanks. I had a good job, and my own home. Didn't need to get married.

    He asked me again, same answer...

    Third time, I realized I didn't NEED to get married, but I WANTED to!

    We celebrated our 6-year anniversary recently.

    It's not the end of it all, if she wants to be just friends. That's a nice way to start it, easy, no pressure. Relaxed and growing on each other, or maybe not. Don't stress over the "F" word. Look at hubby and me, he didn't give up, and I'm glad he didn't push it.

  • Bstndance

    I'm tired of hearing the other "F" word.. HAHAHA!! In my community it is easier to find the 4-letter word than friends or anything else. Sad state of affairs.

  • Emma

    I think friends sometimes make the best mates. You're cute and cool, couldn't be that!

  • freyd

    Tell them you're interested in marriage and see what happens.

  • Nosferatu

    Ah, the dreaded "friend" zone. If you want to keep out of the friend zone, you have to portray to the woman that you're an interesting, exciting, and fun sexual human being.

    Instead of giving her the typical "what's your name, where do you work, what do you do for fun" boring chit chat, try having fun with the woman. Treat her like she's your best friend in the whole wide world, and even tease her about personality quirks. Also, make sure you touch her (not in a sexual way), Touch her arm, the middle of her back, her hair, her ears, her face, and find ANY reason to do it. My personal favorite is to start a "poking war" with her, where I'll poke her for no reason, wait a couple of seconds, and then do it again. When she starts being playful in return, that's when you know you're going in the right direction.

    The friend zone sucks ass, and it's almost impossible to get out of. If you want to make her a friend, treat her like one. If you want to make her a lover, treat her like one.

    I'm sending you a PM

  • misanthropic

    Okay I misread your post at first and thought you had a lot of women saying they just want to be ""f*ck*ng friends"" so I was a little confused :-0
    But anyway, I agree with the person who said to not give out too much info on what your expecting. Just take it slow, get to know whoever it is your talking to and let it turn into someting else over time (if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be).

  • kid-A

    "I'm very much a home-body, so I don't go out much and meet a lot of people."

    That is a big part of the problem. You need to be on the scene, and its hard to know the scene with the most potential. However, house parties are usually a good bet, and

    some nightclubs can be great for hooking up or at least getting numbers. Online dating is becoming a very reasonable way to meet people, such as, etc.

    Finally, I recommend enlisting a "wing-man" when you go out.. I always had more success on the singles scene with 1-2 of my buddies rather than alone.

    They give you confidence and support out there in the "meet" jungle.....LOL....

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