I thought I was alone

by elinor 60 Replies latest jw experiences

  • elinor

    I just could not believe it when I stumbled across this forum recently. I was actually doing research for my dad who wanted to see the world's viewpoint of the failed 1975 prophecy. He came into the truth less than three years ago and though my mom has been a witness since she was a teenager she never spoke of that particular time period to him. Hmm, now we know why.

    I really and truly thought that I was the only witness who has had MAJOR doubts about the Society's validity. I still feel as though something terrible will happen to me for finally acknowledging what began to nag at me over ten years ago. It all started with an incident involving a newly baptized young brother who had been raised in the truth and an older, much wiser sister. He reprimanded her (not the actual punishment, he just scolded her really) in front of the entire car group. She explained later that she felt he was wrong but he was a brother and that somehow made it alright. What?!!! My brain just could not process that, I am telling you I was reeling over that for a while. I thought, what kind of people allow a punk teenager to speak to an older person in that way without being punished for it?

    Then came the infamous Daniel book. I remember around that time I was praying to Jehovah alot to somehow show me this was actually the truth. Well...when we studied chapter 17 and came to the prophecy about the 1,260 days and it was applied to Rutherford's imprisonment, I wanted to throw the book across the room, seriously that was my first reaction. I just kept thinking, this is ridiculous, this is just ridiculous. It didn't make any sense to me how they could apply that prophecy in that way. The way they've twisted other prophecies to apply to them also began to bother me tremendously.

    And of course, being raised as a witness since the day of birth, I have the usual sad and distorted childhood that is associated with this religion. I won't go into all of that because I'm sure you've heard it all before.

    I have other reasons, more recent and more serious to hate this religion. Going into those would probably give myself away and I'm trying to fade? I think that's what you call it.

    Right now I'm feeling kind of numb with shock. First I was scared (still am), then came the anger in a BIG way. I feel so betrayed and used. I regular pioneered for a long time and feel like it was a total waste of my life.

    I am just so grateful I can put a name to the nagging doubts I have been having and recognize this religion for what it is.

    Thank You.

  • MeneMene

    Welcome elinor. . . . . I just found this website recently also. There are some brilliant people here and I have learned so much from them. I was born to two pioneers so it's all I knew for a long time. I faded many years ago back in the early 1980's. I missed a lot of what has happened in the WBTS since then because I didn't want to know. Now I find it very interesting looking from the outside back in & catching up on all the changes.

  • esw1966


    You are NOT alone!

    This is a good place. There are many here who will help you.



  • becca1

    Welcome elinor! Have you learned about the Society's involvement with the UN yet? That will blow your socks off!

  • elinor

    Thanks for the welcome.

    Isn't the society saying that it was for library access? Or is that something different?

  • Alpheta

    Hi Elinor, and welcome! Thanks for your wonderful post, I'm so glad you decided to join here. What is the situation with your dad and the research you started? I - and I'm sure others here too - would like to know, if you feel comfortable in talking more.

  • reneeisorym


  • elinor

    It was actually something that my dad and I have discussed for some time. It wasn't that I was in the dark about it (sometimes this one brother at our kingdom hall would get really mad when he talked about it) it was just that no one, and I mean NO ONE, except for that one brother, wants to talk about what happened. So in a way I led him to ask me to find newspaper articles, general comments from people about what happened. I still am a little mystified how the society got away with telling everyone that it was a misinterpretation on their part (the congregations, not the governing body). That aside, I think I'll fib a little and tell him that the world completely ignored our little blunder. Although I am finding out that it is one of many blunders in their history.

    I think my dad would be irate if he knew where my search led me. I'm sorry, I find myself laughing and it really isn't funny.

  • deeskis


    That's one of the things about the witness brainwashing, you're conditioned to stifle your intuition and think that you are alone in your doubts. The internet has certainly made it easier to get support and information. Stick around, read some stories. There's lots of great info in the best of section.

    Best wishes


  • NomadSoul

    Wow, the Daniel Book was the one that tested my faith. I felt the same way you did, it opened my eyes, I mean, the way they were applying the prophecies, it was so ridiculous and without no prove. That did it for me, that book study just made realize it was all bullshit.

Share this