How long can a person hide?

by Amber Rose 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • Amber Rose
    Amber Rose

    Here is my dilemma. I am grown and married but I stlill go to the same congregation as my mom. My dad is not a JW, just my mom and sister but she lives an hour away so it is just my mom and I. As I have come to realise that the WTS is 100% pure junk, going to meetings and hearing "the friends" talk has become unbearable. I had been going for a while just to keep up appearances. Fortunately, the last month or so I have had solid excuses for not going but I knew that it would not keep up forever and it is starting to wear thin. I'm going to have to go back. My mom is going to get on my case about where have I been. How long do I keep going? My husband refuses to go which makes it even harder for me, when people ask where he is and give me that look of "you poor little thing struggling to come to meetings, what an awful marriage you must have. " I wish I could just come clean and say I no longer think this is the truth, I'm not going to meetings anymore, but I know this would devastate my mom as this means I die at Armageddon, and she is very emotional. So it comes down to do I suffer eternally at meetings or send my mom into an emotional breakdown? Is there a third choice? Can I make this a win-win situation? Any Suggestions?

  • BlackSwan of Memphis
    BlackSwan of Memphis

    Wow, your situation sounds a little how mine was.

    Here's the thing:

    It is quite possible that eventually, it will wear thin and it will start to show. On your face, in your voice, the stress can really eat at you.

    The question you have to ask and answer is:

    How long are you willing to do this? Until your mom........???

    I remember I would think in my head...

    Oh sure, I can keep this up for another 20 years, no problem. NOT

    You said your husband isn't going anymore. Well, right there, you have support. You don't have to do this alone.

    Growing up, I think our parents have these ideas of how they want their kids to turn out.

    Visions of doctors, lawyers and in this case pioneers and bethelites float through their heads. At some point, we have to be true to who we are and not true to who our parents want us to be. And yes, it's hard for them, devastating at times.

    However, as I said, how long can you keep it up? What will suffer?

    I wish you luck and hope that you are able to come to a decision you and your husband can comfortably live with.

  • Honesty
    I wish I could just come clean and say I no longer think this is the truth, I'm not going to meetings anymore, but I know this would devastate my mom as this means I die at Armageddon, and she is very emotional. Amber Rose

    That's a LIE the Watchtower Society wants her to believe.

    Does she believe the Bible over the Watchtower?

    If she does, ask her to read Romans 8:1-11 and 1 John 5:12-13 in a real Bible.

    Romans 8:1-11 Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because the Spirit’s law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. What the law could not do since it was limited by the flesh, God did. He condemned sin in the flesh by sending His own Son in flesh like ours under sin’s domain, and as a sin offering, in order that the law’s requirement would be accomplished in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those whose lives are according to the flesh think about the things of the flesh, but those whose lives are according to the Spirit, about the things of the Spirit. For the mind-set of the flesh is death, but the mind-set of the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind-set of the flesh is hostile to God because it does not submit itself to God’s law, for it is unable to do so. Those whose lives are in the flesh are unable to please God. You, however, are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, since the Spirit of God lives in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. Now if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you, then He who raised Christ from the dead will also bring your mortal bodies to life through His Spirit who lives in you.

    1 John 5:12-13 The one who has the Son has life.The one who doesn’t have the Son of God does not have life. I have written these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life.

  • garybuss

    If ya gotta hide from your mother, ya got a mother problem. Guess ya need a mother solution.

    If my mother won't accept me, SHE has a problem, not me. There's no way I'd let some control freak make their problem into my problem. I'm not some trained monkey. (My apologies to any trained monkeys who happen to be reading this post.)

  • avidbiblereader

    Sorry to hear about your dilemna, so many of us have been there before. Go stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself

    HOW LONG do you want to hide? Be honest with yourself and remember if you have already voiced this to your husband then you must be true to four of the four people involved,

    First Jah which he already knows where your heart is already, nothing is hidden from His eyes and we know how Jesus felt about people hypocritcally doing religous activity. You cannot fool Him in which we have an accounting

    Ps 15:1,2 speaks of those who will reside with Jah and it says

    1 O Jehovah, who will be a guest in your tent? Who will reside in your holy mountain?

    2 He who is walking faultlessly and practicing righteousness
    And speaking the truth in his heart.

    If you KNOW what you are being taught is not the truth, dah.

    Second your husband, remember the Bible says a child will leave father and mother and stick to their mate

    Third yourself, how miserable to you want to become, how long can you ACT your allegiance, how long can you put off the inevitable if your Heart is not in it. If you are half hearted in anything it won't last, how long do you thing a marathon runner would last in a race.

    Fourth is your mother, better to be honest than lie and know you are.

    Also you know the statement you CAN run but you CAN"T hide.

    Nike Nike Nike, get the point!!!!

  • Emma

    I had the same delima, too. I even asked myself if I could hang on until my mom passed away. Imagine having to think such thoughts!

    I second Black Swan of Memphis.

    And, no, it's not easy. But leaving an authentic life counts.

  • OnTheWayOut
    If ya gotta hide from your mother, ya got a mother problem. Guess ya need a mother solution.

    I like Gary's answer. But I know, the WTS cult is the thing causing the problem. You don't want family to
    choose between loyalty to WTS and love for you- they often choose the loyalty to WTS.

    Still, Gary's point is valid. You don't have to DA to stop going to meetings. You just have to be able to
    answer Mom. There is a whole lot of ground between "I no longer believe" and "I need to stop attending
    meetings." There is also the "No explanation given."

    For myself, starting to fade from meetings, I did not want to answer to the wife, so I was pretty clear that
    I have many doubts about the religion. I don't really advocate deceiving family. I just hold back the
    things that would cause my DF- reading JWD or Ray Franz books. You can find some selection of the
    truth to tell your mom. You can make your husband the bad guy in this if he is willing.

  • carla

    I guess it depends on if you want to live your life for you mom or yourself and your husband. You are not responsible for her happiness or mental health. Would she leave the org for you if you were to have breakdown if she didn't? Hardly. At some point a married woman has to cut those apron strings just like the guys do. Hard as it may be. Either she will get over it or she won't.

  • love2Bworldly

    I feel for ya. After 16 years of avoiding issues with my JW sister, I sent off a letter to her 2 weeks ago. I became extremely tired of putting on a fake personality for her, even though it was long distance most of the time. I feel much better, more honest, and feel like I am finally being true to myself.

    It doesn't feel good emotionally to put on fronts for others, especially family members. The JW religion has caused SO much heartache for my family--I'm so glad the rest of my family never converted.

  • jaguarbass

    So it comes down to do I suffer eternally at meetings or send my mom into an emotional breakdown? Is there a third choice? Can I make this a win-win situation? Any Suggestions?

    That's the beauty of how the cult has you trapped.

    How about stop going to the meetings. Dont take any calls from the jws, screen your calls when your mother brings up the subject of meeting attendance, say you dont want to talk about it. See how far that takes you. When you say you dont want to talk about it, you have to mean it. If your mother does not respect your statement. Say mom, I am an adult, I do not want to talk about jw matters.

    No matter what you do you may be in for some stressful times.

    If you keep going like you are how do you know you wont have an emotional break down before your mother?

    If you tell your mother you dont want to be a jw you may get dfd and she might not talk to you any more

    If you follow my suggestions its possibel that you will still talk but just not about jw matters.

    When I left in 83, I told my in laws I do not want them to talk to me as a jw or about jw matters any more and they didnt. And I never got dfd. I just stopped going to meetings. I took no calls from the friends. Because in the direction you are heading they are not your friends.

    Also you could use the resources on this sight to show your mom that their is not going to be a jw version of armegeddon.

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