Nov. 8 Awake - Wife Beaters-Sick (page 5)

Bridgette

It is exactly this rhetoric that kept me in my abusive relationship for 7 LONG years. First of all, this has softened to be more politically correct from the time when I was a little girl, when women were beaten and martyred regularly (she was posthumously glorified if she allowed herself to be beaten to death by an abusive spouse not in the "truth"--it was THE ONLY TIME I HEARD WOMEN BEING GLORIFIED OR PRAISED!! AND IT USED TO SCARE ME TO DEATH AS A LITTLE GIRL!--I knew whatever happened, I'd better scream and fight if someone tried to rape me, and I'd better shut up and put up, if my husband was beating me even to death.
You see that little catch, they always slip in, about "life threatening", hazardous to health...blah blah blah. Well, you see, when you are being hit at home, it goes round and round in your head. At first, it's not life threatening, you see (and you LOOOOVE him sooooo much, and you want to be oh so loyal to Jehovah, who hates bad little disobedient wifies!!), and it's "well, he leaves marks not bruises. And then, one day, ooops! there's a bruise, but you're already in that mental loop. Then it's well, as long as he doesn't hurt my child(ren) and then one day, you come home from the grocery store (you hardly ever dare leave the kids alone with him, but you do this ONE TIME), and they've got a swollen face. And you call the elder, see, and because they're "just innocent lil' ole' untrained volunteers" who've been fed the same rhetoric--DON'T DARE WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER DIVORCEE--WIDOW AND ORPHAN(S) TO TAKE CARE OF--they say things like "well, he shouldn't hit her on the face". And all the time, it's never what you'd call "life threatening"--those words are ALWAYS running round and round and round in your head, and you want to please jehovah SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad. And finally you look in the mirror one day, and you don't even know who you are anymore. And finally you're so burnt out, you would welcome death instead of this living death. So, you get up the gumption to leave. You say, he might kill me, but it's worth it.
I am pissed! I am disgusted. Women for the most part are viewed as subhuman in the organization. And all their attempts at being p.c., and their crappy little Awakes giving PURE LIP SERVICE to a woman's exalted place--won't erase their deplorable history on women's and childrens' rights!

MrMoe

OK - it gets sicker - the more I read the more twisted it gets!!!!

The last paragraph of the page long expierience - it says (page 11)

"Shortly after, Alfredo was baptized, and now he and his wife serve as full-time ministers. "He often helps me clear the table after meals and make the beds," says Lourdes. "He commends me on my cooking and he allows me to make choices..."

Allow me to interupt here - HE ALLOWS HER to make choices. OMG - am I REALLY reading this? OK, I will continue with the quote --

"such as what music I would like to listen to or what items we will buy for hte house. These are things that Alfredo would never had done before! Recently, for the first time, he bought me a bouquet of flowers. Sometimes I think I am dreaming."

So - she thinks she is dreaming when he knocks her out cold? Can you imagine your husband to ALLOW you to listen to a certain type of music and think you are in heaven because of it? SICK!!! [>:(] [>:(]

Billygoat

I grew up in a household where there was a lot of verbal and physical violence towards us kids. Mostly verbal towards my stepmom. But once I got old enough to be interested in boys, what types did I go for? Yup. You got it. The ones that liked to "show" me who's "boss". I went from one abusive relationship to another until I was about 22.

Why did I continue to pick the Losers with a need to hit? Because that was comfortable. It was familiar. I grew up in that atmosphere and knew what it was like.

Why did I stay in those situations? For several reasons.

1. Because abusers are typically very friendly, charming, manipulative men. Rarely are they the beer-guzzling, greasy, disgusting stereotypes you see in the movies. (Not the ones I encountered anyway.)

The brothers in my congregation growing up would NEVER EVER EVER have believed that Daddy was an abuser. Even when I showed another sister the huge bloddy whelps on my legs, butt, and back from Dad's leather belt. She asked me what I did to deserve such a beating. I told her that I had been a smart aleck and mouthed off to him. Her response? "I guess you'll learn to keep your lip in check next time. At least he didn't hit your face." WTF???

2. Another reason why women stay in those situations is because when things are good, they are REALLY GOOD. Keep in mind most abusers are charming and manipulative. They use that towards the outsiders to hide their abuse and they use it towards their victims to keep them under control.

When my abusive boyfriends weren't abusing me, they were doing what I call the Peacock Dance. They were affectionate, they showered me with attention and gifts, love notes, post-it-notes on my car windows, flowers sent to my work. If it was romantic, it was done. I seriously thought that my actions and thoughts would keep them from hitting me. What I didn't know is that I had nothing to do with it. I couldn't control it. I really thought the guy was a good catch because 20% of the time he treated me like a queen. That was more than Dad did when I was at home!

So for some of you who've never been abused, it is VERY HARD to get out of the situation. And I'm not even talking about physically getting out of the situation. I'm talking about how you have to change your entire method of thinking to even realize this isn't good for you. For those that think that women are stupid for staying. I will argue that point. I was brainwashed, much like JW's brainwash their victims.

Forgiving but not forgetting,

Andi

dungbeetle

I'm so sorry for your experience. You are a lovely person.

((((((((((Billygoat)))))))

dungbeetle...roll, roll, roll that dung!

Tatiana

Bridgette, everything you said is so right on the mark! Andi, so many things you said are true. The pattern is so hard to break. You're already in a cult, and dependant on "men" to tell you what to do, then you have a husband at home that you're told to be in subjection to. He has to practically kill you to even be "considered" for dfshipping.
Mr. Moe, it is sick! I remember having to check with my husband before the meetings because he had to approve of what I wore. And I even had certain times I could go to the grocery store. He would check the mileage on the odometer when I left and when I got home.

One thing that hasn't been mentioned, and I don't know if I'm the only one who experienced this, is spousal rape. I never even believed it could happen until it happened to me. I tried to bring this up to the brothers at our little meeting. It was brushed off. I was already scared, embarrassed (today that seems so ignorant-as if I did something wrong!)and made to feel like one of the reasons he beat me was because I didn't give him his "due". Which he decided he wanted after hitting me a few times.

Today I get disgusted even thinking I put up with it for even one day. I feel sick when I remember what he put my kids and me through. And all with the blessings of Brother Sanders and Brother Thomas. Thanks, Mr. Moe, for posting this article. Looks like things have not changed at all. Sickening.....

April

"Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)

MrMoe

((((((((Tatiana/APRIL)))))))))) honey - yes spousal rape can be a very big ordeal and a tough case to prove. Anytime a man forces himself upon a woman in a fit of anger or as a power thing by force and without consent it is rape. Just because you are married to her does not mean you own her.

You should expose "Brother" Sanders and "Brother" Thomas.

Well - YOU KNOW - how do you defend this bull? Where are you Fred - how wonderful is this new article. Do you SEE all of the posts here with personal experiences? I do and it disgusts me. I would like your opinion on this. Will you defend the Governing Body on this one fellas?

LDH

Here are some brilliant links also attributed to the 'author' of the 'indicators'--one Richard J Geller
http://www.serve.com/zone/everyone/gelles.html

http://www.vix.com/men/battery/gelles/rateKY.html (in this article Mr. Geller proves that women are as violent as men [b>] )

There's tons more out there. I think I'm going to do what dungbeetle suggested and send copies of this article to every women's shelter and let them know how pathetic this organization is in its treatment of women and children.

Lisa

Tina

Hi Db,
Thank you for the kind thoughts,but I didn't share the abusive spouse experience. But for all who did or witneesed that pain((((((((((((((((((((group hugs)))))))))))luv,T

Carl Sagan on balancing openness to new ideas with skeptical scrutiny..."if you are open to the point of gullibility and have not an ounce of skeptical sense-you cannot distinguish useful ideas from worthless ones."

Bridgette

<<One thing that hasn't been mentioned, and I don't know if I'm the only one who experienced this, is spousal rape.>>
Wow, yes, April--it was so commonplace, that to this day, it doesn't seem all that abnormal. The only time I've thought of it recently, was when I was sleeping peacefully, and my NEW husband slipped into bed, and I thought, he never forces himself on me--like that's a treat! I guess brainwashing dies hard......Pathetic.
Well, at least my new husband "allows me to choose what kind of music I listen too"--VOMITOUS! It's called a backbone, once I grew one, it was ALL OVER!
I am so proud of my daughter. I am so glad, she will not face the dismal choices we all did.
Hey, I like the idea of alerting women's shelter about these sicko's "enlightened" views of women. '
AAAARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Bridgette

Pierced Angel

My god, the one thing that stands out in my mind is how wonderful the women of this forum really are. There are strong, courageous women with brilliant minds, beautiful faces and loving hearts and to think of any one of you having to have endured abuse like that breaks my heart.
There is simply no excuse for the Watchtower treating women the way they do. They think they've come so far, but they're still lacking soooo much when it comes to showing real love and compassion.

You women are so strong and so helpful by sharing your stories. I applaud you.

Anne

"When caught between two evils I generally pick the one I've never tried before." Mae West

Nov. 8 Awake - Wife Beaters-Sick

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