Did leaving the borg ruin your marriage

by Billzfan23 41 Replies latest jw friends

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  dmouse

  Did leaving the borg ruin your marriage

  Yes.

  Married for 20 years, quite happy for the first 18. As soon as I said I didn't believe the Jehovah's Witnesse religion anymore our relationship changed. To her, I was a dead man walking, she fell for the 'sleeping with a corpse' Society line and treated me accordingly. For the sake of our marriage I tried to keep the peace, not trying to pursuade her. There was a culture of silence (but this isn't healthy, a man and wife should be able to discuss anything).

  The thing that finally broke the stalemate was the children. One by one they left the borg too. And my wife blamed me. So now she viewed me as a child-murderer too.

  At that point she started to subject me to sustained and intense psychological abuse. Even though I had NEVER been unfaithful she would no longer allow me in the marital bed. For the last two years of our marriage I slept on an air-bed downstairs.

  In the end I realised I was becoming extremely ill with depression and stress - so I left before I would become a basket case and got a place on my own. I got the divorce papers from my ex's solicitor in less than a week! We've been divorced over two years now, but the sad thing is I never stopped loving her, and our wedding anniversary on December the 3rd made me feel quite down for the day. Of course, to her I'm the seed of Satan! Unfortunately, a Jehovah's Witness's love is often conditional, and you'll never know which it is until you test it.

  The good thing is, my kids saw what was happening and my ex's bad attitude and example proved to them what a harmful religion this was. So even though I was out of the house they would never again be snared. They are now immune from the org's brainwashing. And I see them nearly every day!
• 

  Gill

  It all depends on both of your characters and how much you love eachother.

  For us, my husband left first. I decided to carry on with going to meetings for about 6 months. In the end, I decided I would rather die with the person I loved more than anyone else in the world than stay at the KH where there was NO LOVE at all. I believed I was taking a suicidal step but still, decided to die with the one I love.

  It was months later that I discovered that the WTBTS was a crock of shit and I had been duped. It began a slow decline into depression and agoraphobia that lasted for a long time. Don't knock what might happen to your wife once she discovers, if she discovers that the WTBTS is a sham religion!

  For us, life and marriage got better and better every day after that. Everyone is different as I said at the beginning. But if you really love your wife and you want to keep her as your wife, you might try my husband's technique. He became more loving than ever before. He helped me to go to all the meetings though he insisted the kids had a choice. He always picked me up from the hall and had a cup of tea for me when we got back. We NEVER discussed the Watchtower org or anything religious. I decided i wanted him. And that was the end of that.

  I hope you can decide what you really want but stand your ground as from now as to no more meeting attendance or field service, at all. Then, become the best most loving husband in the world. You may be surprised at the results. And if you love her, I hope it all works out for you.

  In the end, the Jehovah's Witnesses have NO LOVE to give. You do. Make your decision, fight for her with love, and good luck!!

  Remember, if you make your decision, NO MEETINGS for you, no FIELD SERVICE for YOU and NO STUDYING for you, then she will have to respect you for your stance. If you keep messing about going to meetings etc, she'll think you're going back some day, and will see you as WEAK for not standing up for what you believe!!

  Stand up! Be a man!! Say NO to the WTBTS! You will earn her respect, if nothing else! Tell her you don't believe that you and your daughter (if you have one) are second class citizens and abhor how the WT treats women and take it from there.
• 

  LittleToe

  Yup. It directly affected the downfall of our marriage.
• 

  sspo

  avidbiblereader

  Read your posting and not shocked at all for what you went thru. The same scenario has been repeated over and over in JW's household.

  It seems wives use "spiritual endangerment" to get rid of their mate and then you find out all along they were screwing someone on the side.

  Hang in there
• 

  RR

  "ruined"? Nah .... We're still together, we left two years after we got married. My wife was raised in the borg. We're thankful we didn't raise our kids. Our kids are "post borg".

  RR
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  JAVA

  Yes--our marriage ended about the time I left. Also, it didn't take long before both children were back with me because they created problems by asking questions JWs don't encourage. Married for 22 years as JWs, and it lasted about 6 months when I saw the truth about the sect.
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  avidbiblereader

  If leaving the org ruins your marriage then like so many others, you never had a marriage. Too many witnesses marrying young, almost as children only to have sex so not to get DF'd, starts out wrong and finishes wrong. You can't save or have what you never had!!!! I remember when I was an elder of seeing 16 and 17 year olds marrying to men who were in their 20;s and 30's, this is nothing else but child molestation (yes they ended as you thought). I remember as an elder and doing the math, the witnesses in the 4 congr in our town had a higher divorce rate than the world they condemned and judged of not having God's blessing. Twisted to say the least!!!!! If a woman or man wants to leave, they have their man made rules and loop holes to get out, my ex did unscathed in man's eyes, it is almost as Jesus stated when he said at Matt 19: 3-8 3 Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” 4 “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female. 5 And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 6 Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” 7 “Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away? they asked. 8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. 9 And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.

  As Hebrews says the scriptures are sharper than a two edge sword and can examine anything. Glad I am not teaching this kind of teaching.You can't stop what isn't stoppable, focus on your relationship with God and let it at that.
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  jgnat

  Off topic here, but I bet your bible is all highlighted andunderlined,avidbiblereader.
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  avidbiblereader

  Nope not one line or highlight, I just love the Bible and reading it, so many don't read it and what a shame, many of those who do, don't get the sense of it as Jesus stated. Sad
• 

  Abandoned

  Nope not one line or highlight, I just love the Bible and reading it, so many don't read it and what a shame, many of those who do, don't get the sense of it as Jesus stated. Sad

  And so nice of you to look down on those of us who don't see things from your enlightened position.