this is a fairly long story, so bear with me...
twelve years ago i dated a jw man briefly in new york. we got along really well, but he stopped calling. at the time it wasn't a big deal because i was dating other men and was about to move back to minnesota. anyway, if you had asked me about my past i would not have remembered him.
eleven years later, he hunts me down on a yahoo people search. apparently he had thought about me off and on for the last eleven years and had decided to find me.
for a year we talked on the phone (i had a boyfriend and he was with someone also). we got along like best friends and talked for hours every other day. anyway, he had been broken up for some time with his girl and i was just going through a break-up. so he suggested that i go to dc to see him. i did.
so for the next four months every two weeks he would come here or i would go there. we spoke constantly throughout the day and i was really very happy.
it was like a little fairy tale. i never believed in this word, soul mate, but thought i had found mine. we are basically the same people, except for...
the last couple of months he started bringing up 'jehovah'. now the year that we were talking we never even had a conversation about jehovah. i assumed that he was no longer involved with the jws and didn't know much about them to ask anyway. i mean, if something is important to you, you bring it up, right? whether it is a friend, girlfriend, whatever...
he would talk about wanting a future together, things like...i daydream about us growing old together. but then he would say, but i also daydreamed about serving jehovah with my wife. i started to see that this was an issue for him that he seemed to be struggling with. i told him that he needed to figure out what he wanted. i mean everything that he loves about me (my independence, critical thinking, etc.) can't exist in this 'future' he is designing for himself.
i feel betrayed because the man finds me after 11 years, in the year we spoke he never mentioned his religion, he falls in love with me, begs me to love him and when i do he basically says that he can't reconcile these two things in his future -me and jehovah.
i am a believer of all things. i believe that we should be judged on the quality of our souls and our intentions, not what religious product we choose. he would say that he wants to spend his life serving jehovah and i would say that i want to spend my life serving the universe...doing good things for people, being a good person. at the end of the day we want the same things, but we call them by different names.
a little background...he is 33 and was born into this religion. his mother is a jw, his sister a missionary. he was disfellowshipped 6 years ago and is certainly not living the life of a jw. at this point, i am a better jw than he is. he is extremely stuck between who he is, which is beautiful, and who he thinks he 'should' be.
when he told me that he couldn't 'reconcile' these two things in his future, he wasn't breaking up with me. he was trying to be honest with me. i am the one who said...than what the hell are we doing together?
i know that he loves me and thinks i am fantastic...why can't he find a way for both, why did this man find me after all this time...i wasn't a jw then why would i be one now?
i haven't talked to him for three weeks now. i wrote a poem for him and he was pissed. what makes me so angry is that HE'S ANGRY. he thinks that i am not being empathetic to his feelings, that he is really hurt, and that he doesn't really have a choice. what about me? he found me, drove this entire relationship, and destroyed it.
thanks for listening.