Hi, I am Marion. Linda has kindly allowed me to reply to you all, as I do not have the facility to do so myself. I have been reading all your replies, in fact I have read them 2 or 3 times, and I thank you all, I can see why Linda is on this board so much. There is a genuine warmth here that is often difficult to detect amongst Jehovahs Witness meetings, particularly in recent times.
As you have read, I have been a Witness all my life, and was baptised in 1961 at the age of 14. My parents and Aunts and Uncles were Witnesses, most of my other close relatives are, though one sister never joined. I have experienced many things during my life in the Watchtower Society, some happy, some sad. My late husband, who died almost 5 years ago, was an Elder for many years, until ill health caused him to stand down, and I was a Regular Pioneer for 28 years, from 1967 until 1995, when my husbands problems began. I have helped many people into the Organisation, some of whom have become very dear friends, but I am left wondering if I really helped them at all now. One of my sons is a Witness, but the other is not, and I can well remember the anguisg both myself and my husband went through when he walked away from the Organisation. He was never baptised, so I have been able to remain in touch with him, but he broke my heart at the time.
I have seen many things happen in the Organisation that caused me to wonder, but never until recently, to question. I have just finished reading Raymond Franz's book Crisis Of Conscience. I remeber the apostasy allegations of the late 70's and early 80's well, but of course only heard one side of it, as we all did. Reading the other side of it in Ray's book was a real shock, that people who were supposedly looking after the spiritual welfare of millions of people could even think of behaving in such a mean, underhanded way has reduced me to tears more than once in the last few days.
There are so many policies in the Organisation that are open to question really, the blood policy, shunning, the difference in treatment of the Mexican and Malawi brothers, which I didn't know about until I read it recently, the Society's becoming secretly involved with the UN whilst publicly castigating the same Organisation, the generation change, which caused quite a stir amongst many, and the policy on child abuse. I just never thought to question them before, I had the truth as far as I was concerned, and that was enough for me. I just accepted the Societys viewpoint without the slightest thought that it might be flawed in any way.
Even last year, when Linda disassociated, I was still pretty firmly convinced it was the truth. I was so sorry to see such a good friend, who was so supportive of me when Ron (my late husband) died, and on many other occasions, lost to the truth. She was courteous enough to send me a personal copy of her letter, which I still have, and to a degree it was this that caused me to question things. It seems to be a policy in my congregation to tear people who leave to pieces through gossip, which I am sure stems from the elders, and this happened with Linda. I knew why she had left, but many others did not, and she was accused of many things, which I will not document here, and which I knew to be untrue. I did ask the Presiding Overseer about this, and he was most discourteous, dismissing my concerns about the untrue and at times malicious rumours that were circulating with the words "well, it's no more than she deserves, true or not. She has turned her back on Jehovah, so what does she expect anyway, praise?". I was speechless at his un Christian attitude, and I think that moment was the catalyst for what I am contemplating now.
I started to examine some of the teachings that I had so easily accepted over the years. As I do not have the Internet, this wasn't so easy, but I made use of the local library, and also started to study the Bible, without the use of Society publications, like never before. I began to see that Jesus words to the Pharisees in Matthew 15: "Why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition" and about them: "These people honour me with their lips, but there hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men" could well be applied to the Watchtower Society, as I could find no Scriptural basis for rules like shunning and the blood policy.
That is when I decided to contact Linda again, by sending her a note via her mother, a lovely lady who has never been a Witness. I had heard that she was now living with Trev, but knew that they had got together a few months after her disassociation, though one of the rumours suggested that she had only left because she wanted to commit fornication. Thankfully, she replied to my letter, and I started to visit her discreetly on non - meeting nights, which is when I started reading on here and other sites like Freeminds. I remember when the Panorama programme on child abuse came out, we were all told it was full of lies, and I accepted that at the time, although I never saw it. I have seen it now, and a few other programmes from other parts of the world, and I was horrified at some of the things I saw, the obvious attempts at covering up the extent of the problem in the Society. We had our own child abuse scandal here recently, and some of the actions taken then by the Elders are certainly open to question.
Since then, I have read COC, and I now know that I have spent my whole life following men, not God. To say this has been a shock would be an understatement, and I am at a loss as to how to proceed from here. I have not been to Meetings for a few weeks, and don't want to go again, I know the Society do not have the truth. I also know how the Elders will react to my continued absence: they will be knocking on my door before long, and I don't quite know how I am going to handle the pressure they are sure to exert. I have many questions for them, but I doubt I'll get satisfactory answers. Linda has warned me of what to expect, and I hope to be ready. Another consideration is the reaction of my family, most of whom are loyal Witnesses, and I know how upset I used to be when people left, so it will be no differrent for them, but these things have to be faced, and I suppose I will have to face them alone. I know that Trev and Linda will keep me in theor thoughts during the next few weeks, and will support me in any way they can, but it's going to be difficult.
I am so grateful to you all for your messages of support, they are most appreciated. I know Linda will keep you updated on my situation, and as soon as I get an Internet connection I will be joining this site, you can all be certain of that. I don't know what name I will use, Linda's would probably suit me at the moment more than it suits her, she has no doubts any more! It is wonderful to know that people in my situation have such support boards as this to come to, and I suspect that I am going to be very dependent on Linda, Trev and, when I get a pc, this Forum over the next few months. Once again, thankyou all so much.
love to you all
Marion