C.O. is in town, the harassment begins...

by PeachRose 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • PeachRose

    I haven't been to meetings in a long time (trying to fade). Ever so often I do run into a witness or 2 who are friendly, but reserved (after all I am considered in active). Anyway, my hubby & I are currently working on a letter to send to the society that will more then likely get us DF'd or disassociated (same thing I guess). Until then the witnesses think we are spiritually weak and have been leaving voice mail messages, notes on our door, etc. wanting to know where the hell we are. They have even contacted some of my family members (also in active) wanting to know our whereabouts.

    With that said, last week I found a note on my door from a "goody two shoes" elder and his wife informing me that our bookstudy has been changed and we are now in their book study. They also said that this week is the CO's visit (all hail the mighty JW pope is in town) and want us to come (like that's gonna resolve ALL issues).

    Obviously I have no plans to attend, but something tells me that we will receive a "sheparding call" some time over the weekend. Although we are eventually going to tell the elders our intentions of leaving, we are not yet ready to do so. I want to first tell my family members, and then write letters to some JW friends, etc. before the elders make their juicy announcement (I think they get off on this stuff I swear). I don't know what to do. Do I pretend I'm not home and don't answer the door bell this weekend? Do I answer the door bell and talk to them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated? Thanks!

  • fullofdoubtnow

    If they do call, thank them for their interest, but tell them it isn't convenient for them to come in. If they pressure you, then stand your ground. They are the visitors, and you are in control. They have no authority to force an unwanted visit on you, though they may think they have.

    Having said that, I hope they don't call on you.

  • SixofNine

    avoid. avoid. avoid.

    if that fails, avoid.

    and if that fails, then brush them off with something to the effect of "man, I sooo busy right now, not to mention that I'm dealing with illness and depression and money problems, it's just not a good time, and I really don't feel emotionally able to talk right now anyway".

    try not to smile.

  • Dismembered

    Greetings PeachRose,

    :Do I pretend I'm not home and don't answer the door bell this weekend?

    YES! They'll go away.


  • Smiles_Smiles

    I love your (jokes) especially the JW Pope one.

    I would say just don't answer the door if you want to do things in your own time and in your own way. Who cares if they know you are in the house or not. It's your house and you don't have to open it up if you don't want to. eff 'em.

    But that's just my 2 cents.

  • willyloman

    I'm sure you will get a lot of suggestions and you can pick and choose from among them and do what makes the most sense to you. In the meantime, here are the "danger zones" for the week ahead -- the times when you will most likely get a visit, if you get one.

    Weds, Thurs, Fri from 1 p.m. until about 4 p.m. That's when the CO is assigned to "go on studies" with dubs who are supposed to prearrange their bible studies for the CO visit. In most congos, the afternoon schedule is pretty spotty because most dubs can't, or won't, change their studies to mid-afternoon during the week. So the CO has time on his hands during these hours and will often draft an elder to take him around to visit "those who need encouragement." And in their book, that would be you.

    The other time zone you need to be aware of is Saturday morning. The CO will be working w a carload of elders that day and someone is liable to suggest they "drop by" your house to see if they can catch you at home and "encourage" you. This way they can show the CO they are good shepherds and at the same time let him do the work.

    It's possible the CO will want to make such calls one evening, but not likely; they have a full plate of meetings already including the elder's meeting that usually takes place on Friday night. It's at this meeting that your name will probably come up and the CO will either decide they will try to contact you the next morning or he will admonish the elders to make a concerted effort to shepherd you -- which the elders will translate as meaning sometime after he leaves.

    Good luck planning your strategy. Remember, to fade you need an exit "plan." The plan relies heavily on elder avoidance.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Sixofnine wrote:

    avoid. avoid. avoid.

    if that fails, avoid.

    This is a must. You cannot do things on your terms, if they find a crack in your armor. They will try to get you to say something to use against you. When you are ready to do things your way, do them. In the meantime, avoid talking at all to these brothers. Say something with the words "emergency" if they pin you down on accident.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff
    Do I pretend I'm not home and don't answer the door bell this weekend? Do I answer the door bell and talk to them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated? Thanks!

    Depends. If it is raining cats and dogs and they would have to stand in the rain, I would answer the door and keep them there for a long time. If the mosquitoes are biting really hard - same thing. If it is sunny and nice - nope.

    Mostly I would say it to your favor to just ignore them and they will leave. If you want to do things on your time schedule as far as making the exit official - then ignore them. They will get things sped up if you say anything out of line.


  • greendawn

    Since you firmly decided that you want to leave there is no point in talking with them about religion they always visit people when that somehow serves the interests of the borg. You will not be going back to selling their publications for no personal reward.

  • OnTheWayOut

    I am going to accept a visit from the CO and DO in about three weeks. That is because I am an active witness, who has just stepped down as an elder, by submitting a letter about my doubts. I am going to keep saying that I have doubts (really I no longer doubt that the GB is wrong) but I will discuss it no further. I feel that this is a necessary step in my fading away gracefully. If I were not an elder or appointed servant, I would suggest that people avoid the CO. I intend to do so on every visit after this initial one. The only way to face them and not get disfellowshipped, is to bite your tongue or lie. I will do some of both. Their own literature teaches us that we are not wrong to withold the truth from those not deserving of it. (They mean intrusive government officials, but it's the same thing) I will smile when these men make a "good point" and they will walk away hoping they did some good. If you cannot do that, then avoid, avoid, avoid.

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