THE JW MALE

Dansk

I honestly believe most JW males stay in the orgnisation because they are given control, i.e. married males have ultimate control over their wives and children. I know a woman who was married to an elder and who said that prior to becoming a JW she would never be submissive to her husband. She said she had to learn to be submissive.

This gives the male power! He knows his wife is less likely to step out of line for fear of being reproved. If she was brought up in the ~~truth~~ lie she may feel she has nowhere to go if she leaves her husband - so many stay put and tolerate all the abuse that comes their way. I believe many males can see through all the JW nonsense, but to leave would mean reliquishing control of their wives - they'd have to be treated as equals. Oh, yes! They just love having power over their spouses.

Ian

KW13

I think its the same for my stepdad, mum sometimes daren't speak around him about certain matters. He totally controls her, once we were at dinner discussing something and she came up with a perfectly valid and good point. He sniggered and kept doing it when he spoke, so i ended up shouting at him.

Other things like, when he goes to walk the dog mum goes to bed and then no one goes down (except me).

LittleToe

Good points.

I would further suggest that many JW women don't know what to do with equality. It throws them into a loop that leaves them either attempting to wrest control or being submissive.

I don't think I'm wrong, in speaking for my ex, when stating that it was easier for her to view me as dead when I DAed. It meant that the headship thing was easier to subvert in every area of life, rather than having a piecemeal approach where she had a head-but-not-in-things-spiritual

fullofdoubtnow

I think you are right Ian, it makes me glad I didn't marry a jw.

The ex jw I am with now, on the other hand, doesn't believe in the headship principle, or anything else in the bible for that matter, so he doesn't attempt to dominate me in any way (not that he'd succeed).

I sometimes wonder if having to accept this is a reason, maybe the main one, why so many jw marriages are unhappy.

Linda

carla

Alas, my poor jw has (and never will) experience such jw pleasures in his own home! Odd thing is that I was much more 'submissive' and probably more agreeable before he became a jw! Oh well, this unfortunate position of his probably garners much sympathy for him. "Poor Brother Brown Noser, he has an ubm!" 'No!' "Yes, and his kids too!" "Oh the poor dear".

freedomloverr

Ian - I love your threads!

LT said-

"I would further suggest that many JW women don't know what to do with equality. It throws them into a loop that leaves them either attempting to wrest control or being submissive."

I wholeheartedly agree. I was by no means a submissive wife, my husband would have hated that anyway, but as a JW woman you are always struggling with trying to fit into this mold of what a "good" wife, mother, *christian* woman is. It was like trying to fit a square peg into a circle for me. I feel free of all that now, but also struggling. My husband and I are trying to totally "re-write" our roles. We've only known one way for so long and it's very challenging to figure out what you want your roles to be now that YOU can CHOOSE them yourselves. As far as the equality thing I've had to learn that equality in our relationship means that I need to take more of my own responsiblility - like not leaving "spiritual" things to hubby, or financially I need to know I can support myself. I think most jw women I knew, myself included, tried to push blame on our jw men too much. I think we tried to push responsibility on them that was unfair. that's why, IMO, I keep seeing so many unhappy marriages in the org.

kerj2leev

I sometimes wonder if having to accept this is a reason, maybe the main one, why so many jw marriages are unhappy

Lets not get to carried away!!! I know some want to attack the Dub's, with good cause, but let's not make generalities with not much proof to back it up. This isn't just a problem in with JW's, there are unhappy marriages everywhere!

diamondblue1974

I honestly believe most JW males stay in the orgnisation because they are given control, i.e. married males have ultimate control over their wives and children. I know a woman who was married to an elder and who said that prior to becoming a JW she would never be submissive to her husband. She said she had to learn to be submissive.
This gives the male power! He knows his wife is less likely to step out of line for fear of being reproved. If she was brought up in the ~~truth~~ lie she may feel she has nowhere to go if she leaves her husband - so many stay put and tolerate all the abuse that comes their way. I believe many males can see through all the JW nonsense, but to leave would mean reliquishing control of their wives - they'd have to be treated as equals. Oh, yes! They just love having power over their spouses.

Agreed Ian. Its the old sociological theory that religion in general gives power to those that normally wouldnt be given such power or control; I mean lets be honest, since when would a janitor be placed in charge of a group of upto 100 people?

Jehovahs Witnesses have no place for the liberal woman and in the converse sense put genuine men who love and respect their wives in the impossible position of being something they are not for fear of being reproved.

Gary

purplesofa

This isn't just a problem in with JW's, there are unhappy marriages everywhere!

This is true, BUT, the JW's profess to be the happiest people on the planet, and that if we lived by the counsel they give it would lead to happy marriages and that are the only religion on earth that still adheres to bible principal.......and the whole world is looking to them....all eyes are on them........and they are a chosen people......and an example to all others.

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Having adultry as the only grounds for divorce.......its very easy to abuse headship.

My mothers marriage was not a JW marriage. She said that they discussed everything before making decisions....he respected her. When it came to needing to make a decision...her husband took the lead and she respected and supported him. She said that only happened two times in 17 years of marriage. And I can't remember the circumstances.

When I learned the truth and then got my scriptual divorce, I said and have kept to it......that I would never marry out of the truth.

I CANNOT express enough how glad Iam I never married a JW MALE!!!

It's not all their fault, the society breeds them that way.

purps

Amazing

Hi Dansk,

While some JW men may stay in for reasons of power, I believe that the vast majority of men stay in because they either believe the religion, or are not sure what else to do, or where else to go. Many JW men who stay in are often subjective to their wives in practice. These men stay in the Organization because they are afraid of screwing up their families. Some stay in out of shear laziness. In my own case, after I read Crisis of Consicence, my faith in the Organization was greatly shaken. I was not sure where else to go, so I stayed and continued to serve my appointment. Nonetheless, I started urging my daughters to become more independent, get an education, and not be at the mercy of men. I likewise encouraged my wife to do the same. I relenquished power, and urged equality. Three years later I took serious steps to leave the Organization, and helped my family to think for themselves. They ran past me to leave the Organization. I was still struggling with it long after they were out. Again, while your point may has merit in some cases, I am not sure it can be applied in a broad-brush fashion to a majority, or even a large number of cases. There are just too many variables in human behavior involved.

Jim Whitney

THE JW MALE

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