Did anyone just get tired?

by woodmonkey 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • woodmonkey

    During my days as a witness, which was only about 10 years ending circa 1981, most of my memories revolve around how totally exhausted I always felt. Toward the last, I was dragging my family out to the five meetings a week and working fulltime and getting my quota of publisher hours on the little sheet every month, even doing the temporary pioneering bit now and again. When I had the ministry school, I even worked a four day week to be able to give every talk on the program in case someone did not show up, which frequently happened in our little congregation west of Fort Worth, TX. I then moved further west to the Wichita Falls area, where the need (and demands on my time) were even greater. At the urging of the circuit overseer, I began attending meetings at a very small congregation in Vernon, TX, where I recall there were only a couple of elders, and I was kind of a floating "utility" elder, wearing lots of hats, not to mention driving about 40 miles one way to meetings. After what seemed like an eternity of this, (a couple of years), I just couldn't do it anymore. The first opportunity I got, I accepted a job out of state in Alabama. While I was waiting to move my family out, I did not attend meetings, and it felt soooo good! I determined that I had to get out, so after years of not having a cigarette, I started smoking again so I would be disfellowshipped...that worked. I know how stupid that sounds, but you would have had to be in my skin to understand. I stopped smoking again about a year after I escaped. I have had lots of rough patches since then, recovering from alcoholism and losing my family (my ex is still a practicing JW). That being said, I have not looked back. My daughter once asked me if I was concerned about not living forever. My reply was "honey, I am so tired, I will welcome the rest". Even today it makes me mentally tired to think about how I ran myself and my family into the ground back those many years ago. Anyone else had that experience? Or was I just a wimp?

    Monkey Man

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    That life style was so exhausting . I looked around at how unhealthy and worn out the pioneers always were and I knew I would never do that myself. The Elders had it bad , so many parts . The pressure keeps them from truly sheparding the flock with love .

  • moomanchu
    Even today it makes me mentally tired to think about how I ran myself and my family into the ground back those many years ago. Anyone else had that experience? Or was I just a wimp?

    Not exactly but I'm glad I don't have to do all that BS anymore.

    I remember using vacation days to prepare talks how ridiculous.

    wimp? no, they tie up heavy burdens and lay them on mens shoulders. Matt. 23

  • Twitch

    Welcome woodmonkey

    Can't say I ever felt as you did; I left as soon as I could at 18.

    btw, curious about the username. chinese astrology? I'm an earth monkey

  • Arthur
    I ran myself and my family into the ground back those many years ago. Anyone else had that experience? Or was I just a wimp?

    No, you're not a wimp ! Your experience was very similar to so many people on this site. To say that I got "tired" would be a gross understatement. I actually came dangerously close to committing suicide. When I would read about how Jesus talked about how "his yoke is kindly, and his load is light", I was reminded of the Jews in the first century who where burdened down by the countless burdensome rules of the religious leaders. I soon realized on my own that the WTS was merely a patchwork of first century Judaism, pseudo-Christianity, and cultism. I knew that I would die if I tried to continue to play their games. I only wish I would have left sooner.

  • Warlock

    I got tired just being an MS, let alone an elder. I was even tired just being a publisher. THERE IS NOTHING WIMPY ABOUT TRYING TO LIVE UP TO THE STANDARDS IMPOSED BY THE WTS.


  • purplesofa

    I got tired too......I was sick alot. I remember the first few months of staying home......I felt FANTASTIC!!!

    Just the thought of going back and living like that ...GO GO GO......makes me tired.

    It's not normal, it was not a balanced life.


  • CD

    Hi 2 all, this is my 1st Post.....

    Woodmonkey, I felt extremely tired & never was an elder. The WBTS puts sooo much pressure on ppl, especially men, to do more & more. They make you feel guilty for not doing enough. It is a vicious cycle & families suffer for it. Do not feel bad or think of yourself as a wimp. You are actually the smart one for realizing this & getting out.


  • Satanus

    After many yrs of doing my best to reach all the goals and stuff, i got tired, not physically, but mentally. All that happiness and joy that was supposed to be the result wasn't happening. It had something to do w me being willing to check things out a bit more, so that i found out it wasn't truth.


  • fullofdoubtnow

    I was tired all the time while I was pioneering, but not as bad after I came off the list.

    I think I got more tired towards the end because of trying to ignore the doubts I was having, and never feeling worthy enough of being a jw.

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