by Outaservice 40 Replies latest jw friends
Im divorced. Married a witless too young.
Out of 10 friends I grew up with in the truth 6 are divorced, 3 left before they got married and so were able to go through several relationships without getting married. One is still married I think and still a dub.
Some sad stories on this thread I see.
Mine is similar.
When I was growing up it seemed that all my friends were getting married. There was only one girl who I was even remotely interested in but in hindsight it was a disaster waiting to happen. I wouldn't say I'm the brightest person aroung and I certainly didn't act like it then, but she seriously had something missing 'upstairs'. I couldn't see it or rather could but chose to ignore it.
We got married when I was 21, she was 20. I remember my mother saying to me before the wedding am I sure that she is the right one for me - oh yes I said.
Well, she didn't cook, didn't keep the house clean, didn't get a job of any description and spiritually speaking was worse than useless. Never came on field service, never prepared for meetings, never answered up, never helped the children with a bible study, wouldn't let our house be used for field service or for book study.
Must say though that my children through her are wonderful and I always must be grateful to her for them.
After a short while I realised that what we had together was not true love at all. We drifted apart, we avoided going out together for meals and the like because we had nothing in common to talk to each other about. We went years without having sex. Eventually I became more and more friendly with a sister in the cong and we realised that we really are soul mates in every way.
To do things 'right' we did not commit adultery but we did get caught out and were finally df'd for 'loose conduct'.
After 19 years of painful marriage I finally got divorced and so did the person I was seeing. We moved in together and in 2004 got married.
I can honestly say that she really is my soul mate and we have had many wonderful times together already.
Any regrets about my life?
Yes, I wish I'd met my second wife (Bubble) before I got married for the first time. Having said that I love my kids to bits and they have come through the whole (very messy) divorce extremely well, better than some of the adults invlolved.
Being a Witless with Witless parents and knowing the rules about sex before marriage definitely led me into a completely wrong choice first time round, but there really is life after divorce.
I've thoroughly enjoyed reading all the stories here, sad that they are, because it's opened my eyes to things I didn't know went on in congs.
sspo:
Yes, my wife just left me for "spiritual endangermnt" or apostasy after 27 years of marriage because i started speaking about things i learned from you guys.
I should have kept my mouth shut and done it differently.
This is one of the major problems, I think, with forums like JWD. I love this place, but I don't think anyone here is a professional counsellor (Lady Lee could be - she's certainly helped me [mind your own business]). I'm concerned that much of the advice given, albeit with good intention, could be detrimental. While I think one will certainly get sound advice here regarding JW matters, because there are many experts here when it comes to the cult, I would always advise caution when it comes to relationship matters. By all means consider the advice given, but if you value your wife/husband/partner seek professional counselling!
Ian
I haven't been married, though I will be next year, but my bf has, albeit before he was a jw. I have seen several marriages break up in jw land though. there seemed to be a recurring problem that no one appeared capable of learning from - kids getting married far too young, in their teens and early 20's, before they were really ready for that kind of responsibility, and once the initial euphoria had worn off, finding they really didn't know each other that well.
kids getting married far too young, in their teens and early 20's, before they were really ready for that kind of responsibility
Too true. Its a huge problem.
I can only speak for myself, but I think it partly springs from the fact that you cant go to college, and you have to do SOMETHING with your life, and partly from the overwhelming urge to have sex, which can only be legitimately satisfied with marriage.
For me the urge was so strong it made me mistake a common crush for real love. If I had even had the option to have sex I might not have done it, but I wouldnt have felt as compelled towards the only available option - marriage.
Im not saying its all about sex, but it skews and distorts everything and bum rushes you into making hasty decisions.
Not to change the subject, but am I the only one curious about what Openfireglass can do with 4 cheap ties?
Cog
I agree with Dansk. So many people on here want to see their JW-revenge taken out via other people on this board and I am not sure this is wise.
Time and time again I have seen people write big long letters about their reasons for leaving the JWs and then they send it to all their friends after everyone on this board says, "Yeah! That's great. You really stuck it to them there! Lets see how they deal with THAT!"
Yet I have rarely (if ever) seen any of those letters actually DO any good. They just don't work.
They're great for sitting around this forum and whipping ourselves up into a frenzy, but they just don't work - except to make our JW friend's shields go up and then they cut us off.
Anyways, yeah. There's a lot of great stuff on the web that is anti-JW. But carefull research what has worked over and over again. Don't listen to a prominent "apostate" just because they are "apostate". It's really easy to sound authoritative and knowledgeable and wise when your only communication with each other is this board and you can proof what you say before you send it out there into cyberspace.
Sorry it didn't work for you SSPO.
-ithinkisee
No, not yet. I do know it will happen, though. (not sad about this, but happy at the thought)
I married when I did so I wouldn't be a fornicator. Truly, this relationship had "Disaster for you" written all over it before the wedding day.
No I don't wear them... but let me tell ya what I could do with 4 cheap ties... if ya really wanna know...
OpenFireGlass... I know!!! I know!!!! A jump rope?
Earthtone... my add is something about "Need a rabbi?" Google will search emails and add ads for keywords found in the email, maybe it is something like that.
Outaservice (who is very happy with his present ex-Special Pioneer, ex-JW wife)
Such sad stories. My heart aches for so many of you.... As for you outaservice I should think so I know her she is a darling(((HUG))
