Have You Been Divorced, Or Getting A Divorce?

by Outaservice 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • earthtone

    The admonition that you can only be free to remarry if there is a death of a marriage mate or adultery, raises the adultery rate, some people feel trapped and feel adultery is their only way out of a bad marriage

    Our marriage was dead and he was still holding out. His mother called me and asked me why did I want a divorce and I said , " I don't love him" and she said Jehovah hates a divorcing try to work it out, you don't have a scriptural reason and he won't be able to get married. So I gave him one. He knew and finally accepted I didn't want to be with him anymore. It was horrible of me to do, but I felt like he was not getting it


  • okie46

    I understand Earthtone, and I don't think it is fair for the society to make someone feel they have no choice other than to do something they know is wrong. But if you don't get free, then you never have the chance to start a new life. I don't think Jesus admonition that only death breaks marriage bonds is practical nor applicable today. In the old testament, men could divorce their wives for no reason at all.

  • hambeak

    Yes I'm divorced! The problem is You are not allowed to date because if you do you are expected to marry the one you are dating. At least that was the way it was in the 70's. Everyone I knew married very young and had no education or life experience. I believe this leads to unhappiness and children and poverty and lots of problems.

  • wonderwoman

    I have been married /divorced twice.
    1st ex hubby was a jw, we were young- 19& 22 - fooled around a lot had sex, married in 9 months. We split up 4 months later, elders came over to 'counsel' us and found out about the fornication part (his big mouth, I was fine keeping our secret) we were dfd. He is the father of my son. We did ok for a while, then fell aprt all over again with cheating on both sides. We divorced after a total of 2 years of marraige.
    I definitely blame th WBTS for these young marraiges. You meet someone, maybe fall in love or don't, but it's a natural part of life to be a sexual being, and they make it out to be so evil and disgusting.
    I can say I truly loved this man. He was never abusive, never domineering, just loved me plain and simple. We were way way too young to even think about settling down.
    2nd ex hubby was just a big bad mistake. Never a wittness. But was alcoholic, controlling and emotionally abusive. The only good thing I can say about this one is I have a beautiful daughter because of him.
    I wish sometimes I could start over like a 'normal'person, but I feel even through all this crap I am a better person for it. And I have fantastic kids that have made me grow up and deal with the crap.

  • earthtone

    okay am I the only one seeing the divorce ad at the bottom. lol

  • wonderwoman

    I only see an add for 100% silk ties for 4$4.99. Hey, toobad none of the boys around here need cheap ties anymore.

  • OpenFireGlass
    Hey, toobad none of the boys around here need cheap ties anymore.

    No I don't wear them... but let me tell ya what I could do with 4 cheap ties... if ya really wanna know...

  • thinkingbloke

    Yes divorced, after 17 years. Definitely married too young, and I think the concept that people should stay together no matter what (not unique to society) just encourages laziness. I know I didn't try as hard as should have to be a good husband because of this, and assumed that I cold be slack and that my wife had no choice but to stay. I am remarried and try a lot harder now to be a good partner becasue I know my beautiful wife has plenty of other options if I take her for granted. I think this is a much more healthy approach to marriage.

    I alos think the society's prudish approach to human sexuality is very harmful to many witness marriages, as was weel explained in Raymond Franz's book Crisis of Conscience. Spouses and lovers should feel free to be open and honest with each other about there desires and fantasies, without fear of seeming "unchristian" worldly or deviant, and maybe running the risk of the spouse running off to the elders for "help".

    And very importantly, when couples get in trouble with their relationship, the last place they should go to for help is elders. Most elders are just not well suited to providing good advice, they will just parrot what the society says. Couples are much better off talking to good friends that have broad experience and open minds, or professionals in that area.

    Perhaps a better question to ask is not how many divorce, but how many are still togehter but are not happy? How many have good open communication, helthy sexual relationships, real trust and genuine love? How many are just staying together becasue of the condemnation and shame that would come from the congregation if they split?

  • earthtone

    How funny, I see David Seigel attornery at Law for divorces.

    Last week there was a thread about picking oranges in florida for bethel and there were ad's for orange juice. I thought everyone had the same ad's That funny.

  • raylo

    Perhaps I'll be the lone person on this thread to say this..but no I haven't been married or divorced. I'm perfectly happy with long term relationships without marriage. Why? Because after I moved to my last cong in a small town in MS (where apparently hardly any new people came into the hall) at the age of 18, I was inundated with a couple of sisters forcing their sons in my face say that they wanted me to marry them. (One sister's son was 27, the other sister's son was like 15 or something). After those sisters...it seems they all started rolling in on me. One sister walked around introducing me at assemblies by saying "This is my futre daughter-in-law if my son plays his cards right.". One sister called me over to her home (using a lie) then proceeded to lock me in and have her son perform dance and song numbers for me. (WTF?!) Another sister, at a gathering, pulled some other young lad by the arm to introduce him to me and his mother..prompting another sister to get jealous and say " I saw you talking to so and so..that's not doing anything for MY son!" Another sister quizzed me 20 questions at an assembly, then once her son and I happened to be walking near each other going to the parking lot, shouted out an introduction of her son and offered for us to get together for dinner. Still another sister yelled at me because I would not come over when some guy was visiting and she wanted to introduce us. One sister just flatly said after a meeting, " I want you to marry my son" (I had never even spoken to her son and never really did until AFTER he did finally get married years later..which btw he HAD to since he got his gf, an unbaptized publisher, pregnant in some public park.) I could go on for days about the sisters trying to force someone upon me. If I even spoke to a man who was single for more than 3 mintues, people would ask "So when are you getting married?" When I'd say "I'm not", they'd respond with "So why are you dating him then?" *sigh* So i guess I simply can't have a conversation with any single men, eh? I NEVER liked anyone in ANY hall I've ever been in....The guys were kinda UGH..and I'm a woman who will not lie and say looks aren't important because to me they are..lol. I simply tend to have male platonic friends, so I can carry on lengthy conversation with them......but at a hall...I can hear whispers of people setting aside dates so that they can attend 'our wedding'. Too bad I never wanted to even THINK of getting married in my 20s (I'm 29 now), and I'm capable of meeting my own partners without having them paraded in front of my face. Ah and well they would have also been disappointed because I do not like large weddings, I prefer private settings...so no one would have been invited anyways..lol. But all in all my mother saw nothing wrong with the sisters throwing people in my face for marriage.... the problem I told my mother was " No one ASKED if I WANTED to be married".

    I feel too many get married too young. They've not spent most of their lives knowing THEMSELVES, yet they are expected to spend the majority of their lives knowing someone else??? It's a bit cruel to tell young men who are at, or are nearing sexual peaks that they must miss their peak...ignore a natural peak of sexuality... unless they rush into marriage to relieve themselves. An ex-bf (wonderful guy perhaps because he didn't get baptised until his 30s) after his brother gave some sort of marriage talk said to me " Why are there only provisions for married people and NONE for singles?" We had no idea since we apparently lived as a 'biblical' couple anyways..lol. Ironically by the time the sisters tried to force this brother on me, they had no idea that we had been already dating for months. We never let on that we were dating and to this day those ppl don't know. It was none of their damn business especially since neither of us wanted to get married and were never in the mood to hear someone's forced opinion.... So no, thankfully I've not had to go through a divorce....but now if I ever do, it won't be because some organization tried to guilt me into a union that should never be... I do know of plenty of witnesses who WISH they were divorced though...


Share this