This elder did not go out of his way to see you- you passed by his house. How was this showing sincere interest in you? And since he never asked about you when you were very ill, it sounds like he just reacted when he saw you. He probably went back inside thinking he shouldn't have spoken to the apostate, how Christian he was, and how sad and lonely you must be without his friendship. Glad you had a pleasant walk, and you were the one who was nice enough not to tell him what you really thought of him.
AN ELDER SPOKE TO ME TODAY
I would agree with your initial feelings that it's always better to be respectful to all people. He asked "how you were doing", nothing more. But like you said, your reaction was more involuntary than chosen or preferred. Perhaps going back over to see him, and apologizing for your reaction and instead having a serious discussion about how you really feel would be more helpful for both of you. Even though I am shunned for simply disagreeing with current WT policy and being forced to disassociate (nothing more than that), I still try to remember that most JW's are actually victims themselves. They sincerely THINK that what tthey are doing and what they believe is the right thing. I try to avoid the bitterness that so many end up carrying with them which only hurts US, in the long run. Is not easy, but it has really helped me to move forward. Just my opinion though. Thanks for your honesty here. We all have erasers on our pencils for a reason. Best, Vinny
I think it was a perfect response, Dansk. I have trouble being "mean" to people too, but sometimes its absolutely appropriate.
Please read this: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/47295/1.ashx
It's my story. The elder this thread is about is the SAME elder in my story. On reflection, I really don't think he is worth speaking to at this time. If he would show some humility and sincerity then, of course, I would gladly converse with him.
As I turned the corner I thought I should have handled it better.
Actually, I think you handled it quite well. I've given similar responses to elders and others even when I was a believing dub. I have no objections to exchanging pleasantries with people, but we know his words were probably a prelude to more nosiness. If there's one thing that burns me up it's someone who feigns personal interest when I know damn well he hates every breath I take.
Being respectful to people who treat you badly only serves to reinforce their bad behaviour.
Don't feel guilty. He's the one who should feel guilty, but I bet he doesn't. Don't waste your emotions on someone who doesn't care. Maybe HE should have handled things better, not you.
G'day and welcome to the board! We hope you enjoy your time here and find it's a great comfort and benefit to you.
I read through your post:
I would agree with your initial feelings that it's always better to be respectful to all people. He asked "how you were doing", nothing more. But like you said, your reaction was more involuntary than chosen or preferred. Perhaps going back over to see him, and apologizing for your reaction and instead having a serious discussion about how you really feel would be more helpful for both of you.
At first I thought that you were probably right, but then i got to thinking about what our friend ian has lived through and I'm not so sure that what you say isn't idealistic. For myself, I certainly try to be respectful to any of them that I meet (which these days is seldom) even though I know they were utter bastards and did the most heinous things to Mrs Ozzie - all in the name of Jehovah™, of course!
There is another aspect to this situation though and that is that, from my experience, the mindset of elders is that they view themselves as operating above the law and irrespective of what is told them, they will plough on in their pre-determined course anyway. Put another way, they kinda feel they have a hold over you even though they may have kicked you out! Bizarre, isn't it!
This dude that Ian came across probably sees himself that way - taken that way, Ian's response was appropriate.
Seems as though the few words you said were very fitting. I am sure he will be thinking about "why" he was responded to in such a manner. Who knows, maybe he will spend the rest of the day thinking about the pain he has caused you!
I am sorry you haver been through so much! Hang in there!!
Hi i think you gave him the perfect response personally, he's obviously two faced and needs to be brought down a peg or two.I don't ever speak out or be rude either but sometimes we have to and i think under the circumstances you were quite mild, sometimes people like that need a little shock to think about their actions.
Actually, the more I read your comments and think about it the more I think I wasn't too bad!
After all, didn't Jesus call the Pharisees "Offspring of vipers" and "hypocritses"?! Considering elders are modern-day Pharisees I think I could have said a lot worse - and nearly did!
Gary, you always say it as it is! I love honesty!!
Ozzie, yes, so many of us have been deeply hurt. Love to you and Mrs. Ozzie!