thinkin of goin back

by searching4truth 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • fullofdoubtnow

    Hi S4T, and welcome to the board.

    I agree with blondie on this one. Keep your thoughts of going back as just that - thoughts.

    I have seen how reinstated ones are treated many times. Yes, they may be officially back in the org, but they aren't back in the congregation. There is always a certain element of mistrust towards them from the elders, and this tends to be copied by most of the rank and file.

    There is no guarantee, if you do go for reinstatement, that it will happen quickly, it may take years. Do you really want that - to have to sit at the back of the hall, with the majority of the congregation shunning you - for heaven knows how long? It's not something I'd want, and my advice would be that you think long and hard before you take this step.

    Whatever you do, I wish you well.


  • Crumpet
    and i don't intend on DA at this point just fading but if or when it comes to it i want my reasons to be known

    Do you really have that much time on your hands? It will take you the best part of a year with 100% meeting attendance to get reinstated and then you will be watched like a hawk for any signs of behaviour that you can be dfed for. You'll need to be regular for at least 18 months and active in field service for them to relax their watch on you and then if you fade and do anything you will be dfed again. They have hunted down ones who faded 10 years ago and who never got dfed - such as Seeker4, so what makes you think you stand a better chance when they will be expectign you to slip up anyway.

    As for the DF part - the announcement will probably have been the new one which says the same for DFs and DAs which is "@@@@ is no longer one of JWs" - that way no one necessarily knows whether you dumped them or they dumped you in any case.

  • coolhandluke

    i'm the life long friend. let me explain for my typing challenged friend here. Here is the deal. His ENTIRE family is in. I'm talking grandmother, grandfather, aunts, uncles, cousins. He is the all knowing all seeing all healing, put all of the future hopes and aspirations into this one person, prince of this family. For him to be out is a blow and a huge tarnish to an otherwise nearly blemish free family. In the small town that we grew up in everyone knew us. Never were we singular in mention. It was always Luke and S4. We were good boys and everyone respected us for being so spiritual. Who gives the best talks in this town? Well one part of the city would say him, the other would say me. We were constantly in field service, streetwork, etc. He even went to Bethel. The mark attached to his current existence is one of failure and it points back to his aging grandmother and grandfather. They are of the last few pillars of our entire area. I think he wants to go back to remove some of that tarnish and to get those that would listen to him out. I disagree with the idea but understand it. No one is going to hear him with that flashing red sign above his head reading "DF'd". Without that stigma, perhaps they'd hear him, even just a little bit. Just my .02.

  • Crumpet

    Coolhandluke wrote:

    i'm the life long friend

    Jeez that explains everything - no wonder he wants to go back!

    (PS in my post I was referring to teh other Seeker on here who used to be an elder and faded over a decade ago over the generational change)

  • coolhandluke

    Crumpet wrote:

    Jeez that explains everything - no wonder he wants to go back!

    ohhhhh! beatings Crumpet, beatings! But then you'd enjoy that. Need some time for a suitable punishment for you.

  • Crumpet

    deprivation and depravation are the only punishments I understand luke! Bring It On Baby!

  • lowden


    Integrity to oneself is much more important than getting others to see why you've followed the course you have, s4t.

    Who are you living for? Whose life is it?

    I appreciate and understand CoolHand's explanation for the return but really......this is a test of your love and self respect for yourself. You need prove or explain nothing to no-one.

    Going back also means living a lie. Your life will be a LIE my friend.

    That said, i can see how tough this is for you.

    Which pill will you take??

    Peace and love to ya


  • LovesDubs

    My mother in law was in for 25 years and raised her kids in it. She had 6 kids and three were baptized. Her husband left her for someone else non JW as he was never one, and she remarried a well loved elder about 15 years ago. 1999 she DAd after much debate and study. This is a woman who wouldnt change toilet paper brands without consulting the bound volumes and Jehovahs "thoughts" on the matter. She was hard core JW. She was out for about 3 years and while taking care of me for two weeks following a hysterectomy, we were going over photo albums sitting on the bed and all of them were from our own history together in the Dubs...all pictures of the "friends" at picnics, at our wedding, at HER wedding, at my baby showers, at HER baby shower...and she broke down and wept. She reinstated herself a couple months least she began the process then...she stopped talking to me cold and began the long long long climb back to acceptance by the Borg. And when she finally was reinstated after a YEAR of groveling....she saw a totally different place and totally different faces than those she thought she loved so much that she fought so hard to get back to. They didnt accept her back to the same relationships she had before. She was wearing the scarlet "A". What she heard in the talks, what she saw in the magazines, the behavior of the friends, the lack of love....grated on her soul day and night. She knew too much. She had her family "back"...but lost herself. She wasnt being true to God or to Jesus which was her aim, as she loves the Bible...and so couldnt continue to live the hypocrisy in what she knew was not the Truth but the Lie. She could not be a follower nor a pleaser of MEN.

    She layed low for a couple years trying to avoid being DAd....but once the direct questions were asked, she answered them honestly and she is once again DAd. But this time she sees clearly the hold the Society has, the terror it puts into the hearts of its members to make them stay. She isnt under their power any more. She's free. And hopefully some day her JW kids will follow suit. She and you have to live with yourselves daily. And so do the ones who judge you have to live with what they are doing. Its not your job to make THEM look better. Many a child has come home a hero from serving in BETHEL to be disfellowshipped, bringing the ultimate shame on their JW families. Each person is personally responsible for their relationship with God...they cant ride the tail of your ability to do good talks into the New System.

    If you go back you are PROVING they have power over you are playing the game. Its all a game...all it will do is make your position worse. They will add that you now MOCK Jehovah, that you are a HYPOCRITE and that you are a DECEIVER to your already long list of evils.

    Dont take those long steps backwards. Dont.

  • Warlock


    I'm a fader and have been to a meeting here and there, plus I go to the memorial every year. I know how you feel, because I also think about going back sometimes.

    I have a friend who was d.f.'d over 20 years ago and is trying to get reinstated. The first time he went to the local k.h. one of the elders treated him like shit. He has been doing the "ritual" for a few months, but they told him the time frame was about 6 months so he has a few more to go. Why he wants to go back, I don't know, but I do know they are making it very difficult for him.

    How many times does he have to pay for the same sin(s)?

    His conscience has tortured him all those years, so why should he be tortured by the process of trying to be reinstated?

    Obviously, he is repentant or he wouldn't have asked to be reinstated in the first place, right?

    Do you really want to go through a process like that?


  • saki2fifty
    Who are you living for? Whose life is it?

    We live for ourselves, we do what makes us happy.

    Am I right guys?

    Now of course making Jehovah God happy is a different story. If you decide to, then I support you.

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