Wow, Merry M. I'm soooo sorry.
My Mom is 83, and the only Witness on my side of the family. She has two DFed kids, myself and a sister, and none of my other siblings ever were baptized, though two of them attended meetings.
Your experience has helped me think of a few things I need to do.
First, talk to my siblings about the importance of not having her funeral in a Kingdom Hall.
Second, to prepare them for a Witness funeral. And to make sure that we demand that we have our say at the funeral.
Third, if an elder (and I know a few prick elders in my Mom's congregation that might just do what that PO did to you) were to ever do that to me, to be prepared to ask him to repeat that to all of my mother's non-Witness relatives right then and there, in front of everyone. I would make such a scene at that moment, and would so verbally kick his ass all over the planet.... God. I apologize to you for such treatement. No one should have to endure that.
S4 - who would like to have the e-mail or snail-mail address of the brother who told you not to attend the reception of your own mother's funeral. I have a couple of things I want to say to him.