Dear Kotex....

by Scully 49 Replies latest social humour

  • Scully

    (I get the distinct impression that our dear friend Mary is responsible for this rant....)

    Dear Kotex

    I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:

    1. Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
    2. Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
    3. Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
    4. Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...

    Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh.

    Like we need more fluid inside our bloated bodies from hell...but go ahead.

    See what happens and report back. I'll wait.

    While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated. This advice was some brain function of a male.... right???

    Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what, the only activity that interests me is eating...and oh...does ripping someone's head off count as a friggin activity?????

    Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes or survival, many containing alcohol.

    Printing out shit advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand. Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products.

    It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging.

    Put the shit in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why don't ya just add an in store microphone to the damn package & announce that...helloooo, another female is on her damn period!!!!!

    So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & the smiley faces that need to be smacked hard, and shove them right up your ass.

    Ovarily Yours,

    Miss PMS

  • Effervescent

    Holy cow, that's friggin' halarious!

    No caffeine??? What about the cramps and headaches I get when I DON'T drink my three cups of coffee in the morning???

  • Legolas


  • outnfree

    Good one, Scully! -- Sure sounds like Mary!

    But then again -- it sounds like what many, many women I know might sputter out indignantly!

  • codeblue

    lol.........I hate buying that stuff. The brown packaging sounds WONDERFUL!!!

  • jgnat

    TELL ME the stupid company didn't start printing helpful advice on the tearaway strips. I say, fire all the men in the promotions department, TODAY. Where's the e-mail address to the company? Get me a double-double chocolate cookie, pronto! Here's some happy faces for you, , and this is where you can PUT them.

    Ohh, CRAP. It gets worse. They got stupid pop-ups all over their site and a DISCUSSION BOARD. Where's the CONTACT US link? And a MONTHLY POLL. I'll show them where to poll it...

    I had to go to their SITE NAVIGATOR. I CAN'T BELIEVE how much fluff is on here. Horoscopes...girl talk...desktop downloads....I'm going to throw up. Send the President to a feminine sensitivity class!

    GRRRRRR ANOTHER pop-up for their stupid survey...just for the PRIVELEDGE of registering my complaint..To save you gals the frustration, here it is:

    Phone: 1-888-525-8388 (US and Canada Only)
    Call us toll-free Monday through Friday
    8:00 am - 4:00 pm Central Time
    Mail: Kimberly-Clark Inc.
    Dept. INT
    50 Burnhamthorpe Road West
    Mississauga, Ontario L5B 3Y5

    I KNEW it. The chairMAN is a MAN.

    Thomas J. Falk
    Chairman of the Board and Chief Executive Officer,
    Kimberly-Clark Corporation

    Jgnat of the ovulating class...where's the #$%^ menopause when you need it? I'm FLASHING already.

  • wednesday

    you should see the disgusting google ads coming up now.

    "fishy vaginal odor" (hope not) "badder control" (not that)

  • Virgochik

    Hahaha, SO glad I had the hysty! Best thing I ever did, month after month without all that fun, and I just laugh my fool butt off in the grocery store aisle when I DON'T buy Kotex!

  • BlackSwan of Memphis
    BlackSwan of Memphis

    that was priceless.


  • LovesDubs

    Oh my god I hope you SENT that to them!!!! OMFG that was hysterical!!

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