We've been given our orders!

by Cabin in the woods 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • crazyblondeb

    You can come visit me anytime in Missouri. We'll find trouble something to do, I'm sure!!


  • Virgochik

    Cab, that's a horrible situation, him almost acting married to that witchy sister and not to you! How can he disrespect his wife like that? Like many posters advised me awhile back, tell him, if he won't travel with you, you'll go without him! Worked wonders on my husband, when he saw the determined set of my jaw. We are booking our flight to Scotland for September!

    But a short roadtrip won't really fix what's wrong. You're still a spring chicken. Do you want to grow old and bitter with this man and his sidekick, Lori? Could you make it on your own?

  • MsMcDucket
    I wasn't as pretty as his other girfriends and not as slender and he did not think that I was worthy of being taken away from home for a few days. This has been an ongoing hurt for the full time of our marriage.

    Oh honey! Don't let him get away with that mental abuse! You are beautiful. Being slender doesn't make a person beautiful. When you wrote that, it just broke my heart. Keep your chin up. You need to be more assertive and start going out with some other friends or even by yourself. Let him sit at home!

  • wednesday


    this is something i'm sure you have been told before, but I will say it again. You must respect yoursefl and see yourself as a person worthy of good things. If you do not, NO ONE else will either. People pick up these cues about how to trreat you fromy you, . Walk in a room with pride and self respect and expect to be treated the same as anyone esle. It may take a while but it can work. if it does not, you might want to reconsider your living arrangements.


  • unique1

    It seems you have been given really good advice here to make time for yourself and take your own vacation/road trip. I think Quandry's idea to put all the blame back on Lori by being super kind is GREAT. May I also suggest you see a therapist to help you through this? Therapists have years of experience in dealing with and helping others deal with difficult people.


  • Cabin in the woods
    Cabin in the woods

    Oh my gosh!! I have read your responses so darn many times!! Each one of you bring something true to the conversation and something more that I have to contemplate and put into place in my life.

    Crazyblondedeb, be careful... as I get my courage up I just might make it that far some day . I bet that we could have a lot of fun!

    James you hit a lot of it right on the head. Tyranny runs in the family and that is why grandpa has to change care homes! It is so obvious but I did not see it for what it is. My sil was treated cruelly and brutally as a child and when she graducated she ran away and joined the army. So yes, I believe that it is in her blood and heart and being a JW does not alter that. I do find that it does help her to behave in a more refined manner when using the bible as her body armour. I have no doubt that this would be the same in any religion that advocates a better than thou art outlook.

    I had a few responses that just plain asked why the heck did I not run. This was my second marriage and I did not want my young boys at the time to think that when things get tough or someone gets their feelings hurt that it is ok to run.

    Or as I tell Frank now... I only stayed to get even with you for all the meaness.

    Do I still want to leave him.. HELL yeah!!!! But one day while I was ranting and raving about how much better my life would be if I were alone and/or there are better fish in the sea , ya da, ya da, he slowly looked up at me and said... you would not last a month without my insurance Mary. You know that new insurances do not like to take people with pre existing conditions.

    As I thought about it I realized that he is right. My prescriptions alone are over $2000.00 a month. Thankfully his insurance covers 80% to 100%. This is the amount normally if nothing goes wrong and I do not have to take something extra for a short time. sigh.. I am trapped. WIthout these meds life would be pretty hard. Guess it is a lesser of the evils. I am going to call the insurance office and ask if the courts orders Frank to keep me insured after a divorce is that something that can be done through their company.

    Now to something a bit more positive... Yesterday I got a PM from a friend here who lives in a nearby N.E. state and asked if I would like to join her the middle of next month for a couple of days of fun!!!!! I am sooo looking forward to going !!! Frank has been informed and knows that if he has even one living brain cell he will not stand behind my car when I am leaving!!

    She is taking off a couple of days from work to do this!! My life is so much better since I joined this list and met all of you.

    hugs to all


  • TheListener

    I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this Cab. It is wrong and unloving of them to treat you this way.

    I'm not in the exact same boat you are but we do have some similarities. I'll let my jw spouse do and say whatever she wants. There are times when it is pretty mean. I take it. I continue to take it. Why? I don't know but I think it has to do with fear of conflict.

    There may be good reasons to stay with your husband but there may also be alternatives. You should talk to a professional and ask advice. You never know what insurances will and will not cover until you check it out. Some health factors aren't excluded as pre-exisitng conditions and some are.

    As far as money goes it seems to me he would be required to help support you; for awhile anyway.

    I'm not saying leave but I am saying you need to find the courage to stick up for yourself and realize that regardless of how he and others view you they're not right. Everyone deserves time away and everyone deserves love and tenderness. Everyone deserves a mate that allows them to dream and follow their dreams.

    Good luck Mary.

  • sass_my_frass

    Shaysus H Cricket!! Put the email down for two days and look what happens! :D Wow I had no idea what's going on, what a mess. Man the US health system is appalling if it can put that kind of control on you. I get the impression that your country is run by pharmaceutical and oil companies.

    How can anybody think that prettiness is a factor in deciding whether you're going to take a vacation? how can anybody even be that cruel about prettiness? My blood is boiling here.

    I hope that one day I can get to the US and take you on a terrific holiday. There might be a lot of you sitting in the lodge while I ski, so you'll need a few books, but we'll work something out.

    Hang in there new mum! x

  • wednesday

    Regarding having to take all those meds: I too have similar situation and I do know that many drug companies will give you your meds for free if you qualify. without his income; or insurance (that is the main thing) you would qualify) I would talk to my doc about this.. also look and see who is the manufactor of of your drugs. Primarily the most expensive ones. Check and see if they have a web page (most do) and usaully they willl have something on it about how to get help from the company if you do to have insurance etc. My cousin has been own her own for years, is on disability and is able to get her drugs through a program. many states have these ( i know you are not on disability-yo don't have to be to qualify). Google free medicine, and many things will come up, be selective about whcih ones you choose. There are some good people out there, most if you get in touch with the actual drug company.

    i will check into this late today and try and post or pm you a link to a reputable place. take care


  • Honesty

    Get a good attorney and find out the facts about his insurance. I know a divorced couple and the courts decided the husband's insurance had to continue covering her unless she remarries. The government does not like being the insurance carrier when a divorce is involved.

    There are too many good men out there that look more at what's inside of a woman than what's outside. Just remember that when 1/8 inch of skin is removed women all look alike.

    Is Loser Frank a JW?

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