We've been given our orders!

by Cabin in the woods 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • Cabin in the woods
    Cabin in the woods

    Ah the joys of having a hubby that is in complete subjection to his witness sister!!!!

    I love living my life according to the book of Lori! She and Frank are supposed to find a new care home for their father so today they made arrangements to go together and look for one. Well, she could not do anything until at least 12:30 as she has service this am. So first thing this am Frank calls around and finds a place with an opening, mind you this time scheduling totally ruins my days plans and that of our clients but that is not important.

    We argued. OUr client finally got so upset that he started to have a seizure (that shut us both up fast) and finally it is time for him to leave to meet Lori and pick up his dad to go to the new place to fill out form.

    She just calls and says she is changing plans... she does not want to go. Call came in from the K.H. so she is probably doing more service.

    If this were the only problem it would not be any problem at all. I know that this is petty and there is a 91 year old man involved-- who is getting kicked out of his current care home for being bossy to everyone and being unreasonable !!!---- but their controlling behavior is in everything. When grandpa went to this home 9 years ago Lori and her hubby Mike had themselves put as the only people to call in case of emergency. That would be aggravating but ok if they told us when they heard about problems but they did NOT!

    I finallly called the place up and told them that we had to be called for everything as well. They now do. We have to go through this again at a new place.

    I could just throttle her!!! If there is a funeral in the family she insists that Frank rides WITH her (she drives) and oh yeah if I want to come I can sit in the back like a blooming idiot!

    Whydo people have to be controlling and mean. She and her husband have so very much. They come here w/o notifying us , sit in the living room and tell me about their little vacations... this is contentious because she knows that Frank stated clearly when we first got married that I was not going to be taken on any vacation...period...ever. I wasn't as pretty as his other girfriends and not as slender and he did not think that I was worthy of being taken away from home for a few days. This has been an ongoing hurt for the full time of our marriage.

    She knows this and every year stops in a week or so after they go to Maine or after their many road trips and tells me what fun they had and the places that they went for shopping etc.

    One year I mentioned that I wanted to go to NH someday and do the discount malls that they have in the southern part of the state. I have never gotten there... well you guessed it... she went and told me all about the many great deals that she found. Grinned like a cheshire cat the whole time she talked about it.

    She has done so, so much more (and continues to do) but I will shut up now. Nobody needs to hear me rant any longer but this has been broiling my insides for years. I know that hating is very unhealthy for us but that is one woman that just makes nuts.

    Thank you for letting me fume yet once again. As stated earlier my client is here now and will be for a few more days so I can not just lay down and have a good cry or storm or do anything to give myself the ability to cope better. So glad that you are all here. I think that I might implode if I did not have you.

    cab.

  • unique1
    unique1

    So is Frank your husband? And if so is it he that says you aren't pretty? I am so confused.

  • candidlynuts
    candidlynuts

    it sucks when it seems like our life is out of our control.

    maybe you could take some time to think aobut things and find that YOU can control some of the things you mention above.

    your an adult. your rights are as important as any of the others in your family. but you have to stand up for them.

    i'm sorry your having such a bad day! hugs

  • Cabin in the woods
    Cabin in the woods

    Frank is indeed my husband. Back then I really was not bad looking. Now I could understand but back then it made no sense to me.

    Oh well.

    cab

  • unique1
    unique1

    I am sorry that your sis in law is being such a bitty to deal with. She seems very unloving by her actions. I hope you will be able to reach a decision that works for both families in the case of your Father In law.

    I am more taken aback that your hubby won't take you on a vacation because he doesn't think you are pretty enough? What does looks have to do with taking a vacation and why would he marry you if he didn't find you attractive. If any man had ever said that to me I would have turned heel and ran.

  • AuldSoul
    AuldSoul

    We can't do anything about Lori, (((Cabin in the Woods))). But you can. Be assertive. Make your boundaries, draw your lines in the sand. If you do not explain exactly where the lines are to people who have no sense of propriety, you can expect that they will never come close to propriety.

    When she wants your husband to ride with her, you could say, "No thank you, Lori. My family and I will stay together. But thanks just the same. You might not know this, but he left his father and mother to stick with ME."

    Or you might replace any part of that with, "I really feel a need to be close to my husband right now."

    Just a suggestion.

    Respectfully,
    AuldSoul

  • katiekitten
    katiekitten

    Cabin, good on you for venting, she sounds like a class A bitch.

    I just love your expressions though. Forgive me for smiling. I thought these were particularly British phrases:

    I could just throttle her!!!

    and

    like a blooming idiot!

    What a cow.

    She knows this and every year stops in a week or so after they go to Maine or after their many road trips and tells me what fun they had and the places that they went for shopping etc.

    One year I mentioned that I wanted to go to NH someday and do the discount malls

    Could you possibly book yourself that vacation on your own? Or would it cause too many problems with you and your partner who sees no need to take you on vacation? Its worth thinking about. Go on your own hunny, if you dare. It would be great.

  • carla
    carla

    This is your husband you are talking about?! If there are no children to worry about I would take a vacation immediately! Even if it was just at a lousy motel or friends house! What is keeping you there? Start stashing some money aside for your own little get away or exit if need be. Why don't you just tell the woman how rude she is or that you unfortunately have a bozo for husband so you are unable to do the things she does?

    Why does Frank put up with this behavior?

    Stand up for yourself, after all, how much more unpleasant can get anyway? Start with baby steps just to boost your confidence.

  • misanthropic
    misanthropic
    I am more taken aback that your hubby won't take you on a vacation because he doesn't think you are pretty enough? What does looks have to do with taking a vacation and why would he marry you if he didn't find you attractive. If any man had ever said that to me I would have turned heel and ran.

    I have to agree with this. That is just awful.

  • Cabin in the woods
    Cabin in the woods

    I am not a shy person but how do you stand up for yourself when you there is no one listening. I wished that there was someone out there to speak to . My husband literally becomes deaf. I no longer go anywhere with them together.

    You know how when you talk to witnesses about the real truth their eyes glaze over and they do not hear a word that you say??!! That is what he does. Stoned deaf. NOt even on the same planet.

    Mary

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