We've been given our orders!

by Cabin in the woods 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • carla

    The whole insurance thing really sucks. But good for you for getting away for short get away of your own!! Have fun.

  • james_woods

    Looks like a lot of people here have exactly the same idea on this situation. Also, the previous 3 or 4 posts have some really good practical values...

    You have a PM -


  • itsallgoodnow
    ... this is contentious because she knows that Frank stated clearly when we first got married that I was not going to be taken on any vacation...period...ever. I wasn't as pretty as his other girfriends and not as slender and he did not think that I was worthy of being taken away from home for a few days. This has been an ongoing hurt for the full time of our marriage.

    This is disturbing. It really did a number on your self esteem, as you seem to think his attitude is valid now. I can only say that's a really weak reason for him to not want to take you on trips. Does he travel by himself, or does he really not like to travel, but found a way to hold you accountable for the reason you do not travel together? I'm sorry you are having to deal with that sort of thing. I think there are steps you can take to build up your own self esteem and deal with this sort of treatment.

    From what you say about the controlling people in his family, it's possible he acts this way because that is all he has ever known, and he has never seen the need to change that part of his behavior. I think it's harder for males that grow up in this environment to change. They usually didn't bear the brunt of the controlling behavior, they just watched what their fathers did and figured because they had a penis they could bully others, too. They were probably socialized to do this, and never realized how off-putting it is and how all of their relationships are strained as a result of it.

    Girls, on the other hand, can go either way. In my family, the girls range from completely controlling to so passive they always get walked all over. If they manage to break out of that mold and find a way to deal with controlling people without being controlling themselves, they find themselves to be hated bitterly by all. From what I can tell about the sister, she may be controlling, but it seems like it's coming from a very weak position. Sneaky, petty little things like withholding and controlling information and talking about subject she knows will upset you, rubbing your face in things. My advice is to find a way to change the way you respond to these people. Odds are you are an open book and they get a little thrill every time they upset you.

    If something like what the sister did upsets you this much, either you are getting upset too easily, or you are just so stressed out about everything overall that you really need to find a way to deal with these situations and de-stress. You will be happier, calmer and enjoy your life. Sometimes we can't change our problems, but we can change the way they affect us.

    Good luck to you!

  • AudeSapere
    You know that new insurances do not like to take people with pre existing conditions.

    Not necessarily true.

    Explore your options.

    You might even consider 'Legal Separation'. I think you still maintain insurance this way.

    Find a job with a large company that has benefits. No problem with insurance that way.

    Rent a room.

    Heck, it seems that you have experience as a caregiver (if I'm reading your posts right - or from what we've heard about your husband, you are probably an expert). Oftentimes there are elderly people who just need someone in the house with them at night and will offer free room and board in exchange for having a quiet, responsible, capable person to help them during the night and keep them company a few evenings a week. You could have a full-time job, a place to stay, food to eat and start saving for retirement. You could even take vacations with people who want to be with you.

    Like I said, explore your options. You seem to have so much fun inside of you and the people around you just keep punching it back inside. There's no excuse for that sort of inhumanity.

    -Denise aka Aude (Dare to Know.)

    PS: About the drug situation. I have friends at a few different drug companies. They've all told me that programs are in place to provide continued medication to people with financial hardships. This is especially true if they have already been using the drug successfully. You can do a little research by finding out who the manufacturers are and contacting them. It can be done. It's done everyday.

  • Cabin in the woods
    Cabin in the woods

    I am back. Spent the day with a client and doing a bit of strawberry picking... a super place to sit and think.

    I have come to this site so many times today and read and reread the posts. Itsallgoodnow your words are true. My sil called today and talk with my dh. He tried to explain what her purpose was and I went off like a rocket. After my snit he said that although hehas to work Saturday so he can not help she and her hubby have offered to go ahead and do all the moving of her dad . A great burden being removed from my DHs shoulders. ouch

    Time for some self reflection and perhaps a good therapist. Good suggests on that one as well guys. Think that I will follow through on it.


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