I do feel that her approach throughout all of this has been manipulative and demeaning; shes reinforcing a message which suggests that if you do what she wants you to do then all will be well but if you dont toe the line then all hell will be let loose. What makes this even more sinister is that shes cloaked this with what she would describe as love when in reality (as it seems to me) its far from that; your relationship in my view is one not of love but about control.
I agree wholeheartedly.
However, you did buy yourself some time by "chickening out" when talking to the PO.
Take that time to plan your exit from your marriage, so that you can ensure that you have a relationship with the kids when you are out, because if you don't ensure that now, the JWs will stop at nothing in their attempts to keep the kids from you.
And if somewhere along the way, your wife opens her eyes to her manipulative nature and accepts you for you as opposed to what she's doing now, then accept her back into your life.
You're not in an easy situation, but if you don't stnd up for what's right, it could get a LOT worse. Protect yourself now.