This Past Sunday My Wife Took Me To The Elders- Part 2

by enlightenedcynic 78 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Finally-Free

    You mean that nothing was said about theocratic subjection™? That it is not your wife's place to police your spirituality?

    I'm sorry to say it, but your wife sounds like she could be a clone of my ex. I hope things work out better for you than they did for me.


  • jgnat

    I hate the invasion of personal space. That body language is baaaaad. Takes away some of your personhood, somehow.

    It looks like you are going to have to go farther underground. A very rough go.

    THOUGH, some of the guys here have developed VERY GOOD bible studies, to help your little family along the way of INDEPENDENT THINKING.


  • freedomlover


    grrr....yes - we totally understand the frustration. I don't think anyone here will think any less of you for your answer to the PO. I don't think you "chickened out." you do - what you have to do, when you have to do it.

    maybe I can give you a woman's perspective. your wife sounds like she really does love you. Don't you remember what it was like to think that anyone who has apostate ideas is being over reached by Satan and you have to help them!? I think we forget sometimes that we ALL used to think this was part of the mind control. She has been feeling like you and she were total strangers. She probably is panicked that she will lose you and your kids would lose their father. She probably feels like you and she have connected again and you are back on the same path. When women are emotionally disconnected from their partners they draw away emotionally AND sexually. it sounds like she feels you are back on track.

    even when my husband broke the news to me about his apostate ideas and I decided to hear him out before I went to any elders - I had a really hard time trying to justify in my own head that being nice to him didn't mean I was being disloyal to god. it was this weird mind trip game I had to deal with. I felt GUILTY for just being nice to him the first few days and weeks after he broke the news.

    it's sounds like you've bought yourself some time with your family. perhaps you can go about things from a different angel with your wife.

    let us know how things go.

  • NYCkid


    My thoughts go out to you. Your description of your meeting with the P.O. had me on pins and needles, you did well. From my perspective however, the most important and unfortunate aspect of the scenario is when your wife made it clear to you that the first man in her life is Jehovah (my mother recently expressed similar sentiments). I've found that once it becomes clear where our family stands (in this case your wife), we can then better grasp the situation and put ourselves back in control.

    What I mean by this is that knowing where your wife stands and what she's capable of (for example ratting you out), you can learn how to manage the relationship. Unfortunately this will take alot of energy on your part and I don't see any other way of dealing with the situation other than in playing the part (you're still in control because you know what you have to do)...or I'm sad to say, eventually you may need to reassess your relationship.

    Its excruciatingly infuriating but we are dealing with robotic clones and it takes some careful maneuvering.

    Best to you,


  • diamondblue1974

    I am sorry if I am going to step over the mark here and I dont mean any disrespect to any of you; I feel equally as sorry for you as I do your wife given how conflicted you must feel and how misled she is.

    I do feel that her approach throughout all of this has been manipulative and demeaning; shes reinforcing a message which suggests that if you do what she wants you to do then all will be well but if you dont toe the line then all hell will be let loose. What makes this even more sinister is that shes cloaked this with what she would describe as love when in reality (as it seems to me) its far from that; your relationship in my view is one not of love but about control.

    The scratches on your back afterward nearly made me puke; I have been where you are and see some stark similarities from my history.

    You obviously love your wife and I am sorry if this angers you but I speak as I see it.


  • No Apologies
    No Apologies

    Ok what happened to her "complaints" about the oral sex??? Somehow that didn't get brought up?

    It looks like you are in a tough spot IF you want to save your marriage. Like others have pointed out, you will need to go deep undercover, and if you really want your wife to see the light, you will need to work at it very very carefully, maybe over more than a year or two, to bring her around.

    But the way she is treating you, invading your privacy, snitching on you to the elders, blatant use of sex to try to control you... you might want to think about Plan B...

    I left my marriage because of similar issues, but in our case there weren't kids involved...

    I wish you lots of luck, whatever you do....

    No Apologies

    (ps. when she scratches your back, tell her you have a headache)

  • minimus

    Well, I hope you at least got a little sumethin' somethin'. And I would make sure that I didn't violate my wife's conscience regarding giving her the pleasure of deviant sex. I guess you'll just have to see how long you can be playing both sides. Good luck!

  • Dismembered

    I'll give my 2 cents later due to time constraints, but I must concur with NA 100%. He's on the $$$. You need to give what he's said some serious thought.


  • enlightenedcynic

    NA....nope, not one mention of the "deviant" sex acts. She was probably too embarrassed to admit that she loves it. Like I said, it is only afterwards when she gets a guilt trip, "the society says this is wrong so I can't enjoy it." And no Minimus, I didn't get a little sumthin', because I refused that night, told her that after the early morning talk with her and the meeting with the p.o. I was just too tired. She wasn't too happy and neither was I because I really wanted some,but a guy has to have some self control/respect.


  • Finally-Free
    And no Minimus, I didn't get a little sumthin', because I refused that night, told her that after the early morning talk with her and the meeting with the p.o. I was just too tired. She wasn't too happy and neither was I because I really wanted some,but a guy has to have some self control/respect.

    Maybe it's just me, but I don't think there's any bigger turn-off than a woman who acts like she's doing me a favour by having sex with me, or using sex as a "reward", much like tossing a bone to a dog that rolls over when told to. But from this point on I'd definitely suggest respecting her bible trained conscience™ and refrain from "deviant" sexual practices.

    And since she's so intent on bringing the organization into the bedroom, perhaps it should work both ways. Maybe you should withhold sex until she obeys the organization by showing proper wifely subjection™.


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