This Past Sunday My Wife Took Me To The Elders- Part 2 (page 3)

TheListener

Whatever you do, remember that you have a right to be happy. Sometimes our long-term happiness comes with short-term sadness and sometimes not. Don't give your life away to please others.

I understand the situation you're in. My wife didn't run to the elders but my marriage isn't what it used to be. I faded for over 3 years before I stopped going to meetings. I've been called every name in the book and treated with complete disrespect by my family. I continued to state "who has the Christ-like personality again?"

In the end it worked out, but only because my wife allowed it to. You must know your wife and whether or not she'll every allow you to have your own happiness while remaining happily married to her. Some mates refuse this. I hate to see your marriage end when it could be saved but I also hate to see you put years and years into a relationship that will never allow you to be yourself.

Feel free to pm me.

minimus

Now now. You must give each other the "due".

Jim_TX

EC,

Your wife sounds a lot like my ex. I had quit going to the KH, etc - many years ago (in the early '80's).

We have a daughter who was over 18 when I decided I had had enough. I was the one to bring up the seperation/divorce.

She was the 'good lil' JW'. Went to her meetings, did the door-knocking, etc. Towards the end, I noticed an almost hostile attitude towards me which I was not too keen on, and she didn't seem to respect my 'headship'... or whatever it's called.

She had our daughter violate my privacy by snooping on my computer and capturing some e-mails, and for all I know - other information - that was none of their business.

Anyway... that was over 4-1/2 years ago. I got divorced from her, and have been doing very well.

Since she never worked during our marriage, she has had to hustle just to make ends meet... although I _had_ paid off the house, so she didn't have _that_ bill.

Like your wife, my ex liked the oral sex performed on her - although she didn't return the 'favor', and... was usually remorseful afterwards (guilty conscience?).

Anyway... if you are trying to save your marriage... you have a lot of work ahead of you.

Good Luck.

Regards,

Jim TX

nelly136

i think highlanders right it would definately pay you to get legal advice, even if you dont get round to taking up on it will give you an idea of what you might need to do to cover your bum as far as kids are concerned.

as the oral sex didnt come up shes either thought better of it or is holding that back for the next round. that could give you a bit of leverage if she doesnt want that minor detail talked about.

Hecklerboy

I have doubts and questions..we all do, but see this thing right here(pointing at his head/brain) it is a blessing and a curse. Information is powerful, too much information can kill you! Spiritually that is".

WOW!!! He is actually telling not to think. Just follow along and be happy.

Any knowledge, good or bad is a great thing. It's how we make decisions in our life. It's what make us who we are.

mkr32208

...Start a file when the shit hits the fan you want to end up with the kids! That is how I did it I had a file on my wife we both knew that if she left I would get the kids that kept her there when things got rough she would say the EXACT same thing "no choice between you and jehogie" I let her go to meetings without me (with the kids) it didn't take long for her to see the "love" and now shes out to! However if there was anyway she could have left me and taken the kids I really think she would have!

Tough situation...

mkr32208

Thought about this for a few minutes then had some more thoughts on it... Do you think she really loves you? If no then can the bitch if yes read on...

It might be that she really wants you to come back and is afraid that your doing YOURSELF harm! Some one who really loves you will have those concerns! Then once those concerns are sated she can get back to the "lovein" part!

Now about the looks she was giving you during the meeting are you SURE those were hatefull looks? You know this woman and I do not but this could be an either way thing!

wednesday

well based on what you said happened, it sounds like she is throughly brainwashed as a good jws, and expects you to be too. If she has been a jws all her life, she probably can't imagine any other lifestyle so you are scaring her a lot.

She is is happy now that you talked with po, said you had been bad and will not do it again. allis ok in her world again.. Women do want to feel safe.

this is really not all that unusual for the state of a lot of jws marriages. the wife often uses the elders to keep hubby in line.

I wonder if there are any stats on who is the one to usually start thinking for themself and researching the wts. I would bet it is the males. jws women are used to being submissive and it takes a lot ot turn one of them away from the org, esp the older sisters. jws are also used to the men doing the thinking for them.

for her to not rat you out again, she must trust you and feel safe with you.

weds

sixsixsixtynine

But why do you need to snoop around online about the society, all the info we need is right there(he points to the library) and if you insist on using a computer, all you need is the CD", the p.o. says to me. He then says the words that I know mark the turning part of this conversation..."You do know that what you have done is wrong?". At this point my wife is glaring at me and so is he, waiting for the wrong answer to come out of my mouth. I chickened out and said, "In retrospect I realize that I should not have accessed this info online, I could have really stumbled across some faith damaging stuff". The p.o. sits back in his chair and unclenches his hands. "Good...good...good, he's gonna be just fine", he says to my wife.

Yeah, I'd say that's chickening out.

Whatever course you decide to take from here on out, you'll need to show more backbone than that.

How can you get your wife's trust and respect if you cave in like that?

TD

So sorry about your situation. I feel for you! (My wife is JW)

From a purely analytical standpoint, I think the Elder is mistaken and his line of reasoning below could easily be brought down in two steps.

"But why do you need to snoop around online about the society, all the info we need is right there(he points to the library) and if you insist on using a computer, all you need is the CD", the p.o. says to me. He then says the words that I know mark the turning part of this conversation..."You do know that what you have done is wrong?".

Step 1: Consider the following books....

Facing The Lion: Memoirs of a Young Girl in Nazi Europe - Simone Arnold Liebster
Crucible Of Terror: A Story of Survival Through the Nazi Storm: Max Liebster
Judging Jehovah's Witnesses: Religious Persecution and the Dawn of the Civil Rights Revolution: -Shawn Francis Peters
Persecution and Resistance of Jehovah's Witnesses During the Nazi Regime: 1933 - 1945 -Hans Hesse

None of these books are published by the JW parent organization. Peters and Hesse are not even JW's. (Although both of the Liebsters are) . Any Elder that forbade the reading of these books is not only out of his mind, he could easily be called on the carpet. One letter is all it would take. The Liebsters had the permission and support of the JW leaders and policy makers in the writing of their respective books.

This establishes that the notion that your choice of JW related reading material is restricted to publications published by the WTB&TS is hogwash

Step 2: There is no approved list of JW related reading material (At least not yet.) The only criterion is whether or not the author is an "Apostate" or a known "Opposer" Other than that your choice of reading material is strictly a matter of conscience and you have to exercise your own discretion.

The information on the U.N. affliation for example can be had from purely neutral sources that can be found in any large library.

This Past Sunday My Wife Took Me To The Elders- Part 2

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