This Past Sunday My Wife Took Me To The Elders- Part 2

by enlightenedcynic 78 Replies latest jw experiences

  • enlightenedcynic

    Hello everyone,

    Thanks for all of the kind words and advice, I appreciate it greatly and will look to use some of it. A special thank you to both Cal and Vitty for their pm's which gave me a different perspective to look from.

    So the p.o. meets with us in one of the back rooms and my wife starts to speak. She says that she can't see herself being with me anymore because she feels unsafe. Unsafe?? "Why do you feel that way?", I ask. She proceeds to run down a list of things that I am doing wrong.

    1. We don't work in field service as a couple

    2. Family study is not held frequently

    3. She rarely sees me reading my WT's or other literarture or preparing for meetings

    4. (Drumroll please.............................She found this apostate literature on the computer, how can she feel safe or think that her children are safe with me beacause(her exact words), "Anyone who doubts Jehovah's organization is capable of anything".

    The p.o. lets her words hang in the air and then says to me, "So what do you have to say in response?" I answer,

    1. It is very difficult to bring myself, the wife and two kids(ages 6 & 8) out in door to door. I thought that by us taking turns in going out(each of us takes a child when we go out) that we were doing good. It is better than not going out at all! Besides, in order for us to work alone as a couple, we would need a babysitter and the only ones who babysit for us are the ones whom I pay to do it.

    2. I agree, family study is hit and miss sometimes ,and I will do better.

    3. I also agree, I rarely read WT's and other literature at home because when I get home from work, I usually have to cook a meal, wash dishes and tidy up(we both work and I get home first with the kids that I pick up from afterschool). I will try to do better.

    The p.o. nods his head and says that it just sounds like we are overwhelmed and exhausted like so many other families "in the truth". He says that we need a break from our regular routine, why don't we send the kids away and take a vacation alone. Great idea, but my parents are deceased, and my other relatives are not "in the truth", so the kids don't get to see their uncles and aunt very often. My wife's mom is in the south, she is old and sickly so she can't manage the kids. Now what? The p.o. says that we have a difficult situation, but that Jehovah will help us. Don't give up and try to work this out since the congregation loves and needs us. Yeah, I can just feel all the love when friends pass me by and barely open their mouth beacuse I am not an elder or a ms.

    The tone of the conversation and his voice now changes and the p.o. now says to me, "So whats this about apostate literature?" I answered that I don't have any apostate literature. I said that what my wife printed out was info about JW's that is freely available online. He then says, "Where did you get the old WT articles and the UN letter thing, certainly not from the slave's website?". I answered, "No, I didn't get it from the official WT site, but again, the information can be found freely online. Newspapers have archives online that you can access and Google is a very powerful search engine!". "But why do you need to snoop around online about the society, all the info we need is right there(he points to the library) and if you insist on using a computer, all you need is the CD", the p.o. says to me. He then says the words that I know mark the turning part of this conversation..."You do know that what you have done is wrong?". At this point my wife is glaring at me and so is he, waiting for the wrong answer to come out of my mouth. I chickened out and said, "In retrospect I realize that I should not have accessed this info online, I could have really stumbled across some faith damaging stuff". The p.o. sits back in his chair and unclenches his hands. "Good...good...good, he's gonna be just fine", he says to my wife. He says that I should pay close attention this weekend to the parts at the DC on the dangers of the internet and apostasy. He proceeds to offer a few more words of "encouragement" and then wife reaches over and holds my hand.

    As we leave the hall and walk down the street(my wife is walking up ahead with the p.o.'s wife who waited alone in the auditorium for him)the p.o. says to me, " You know, I was were you are right now. I have doubts and questions..we all do, but see this thing right here(pointing at his head/brain) it is a blessing and a curse. Information is powerful, too much information can kill you! Spiritually that is". He then slaps me on the back and rubs the nape of my neck.....I wanted to scream.

    We reach the corner and bid our farewells to the p.o. and his wife. As we are walking towards home, my wife says that she loves me and doesn't want to lose me and that my children need me very much, but if it ever comes down to Jah or me...there is no choice! She then does something that makes my blood boil...she puts her hand under my jacket and playfully scratches my back(her sign to me when she wants sex)..."Maybe we can do something tonight", she says.

    Can you say trapped for the foreseeable future?


  • luna2

    Geeze...I'd be spitting nails. She's that upset about a little non-official WTS information that she was willing to destroy your marriage and kick you to the curb? She's that devout a JW? And since you (apparently) knuckled under to the cult pressure not to use your brain and look at anything disapproved by her and the WTS, now she'll have sex with you? Sorry, but that just makes me ill.

    The only good thing about this at all is that it gives you some breathing room to decide what you want to do.

  • candidlynuts

    oh my !

    sounds to me from your post she is happy now cuz she showed you who's boss.

  • dinah


    So she was all ready to jump back into bed when she thought you were going to be obedient to the "slave"? Scary.

    Also, she should correct her statement to you. She should have said "If it ever comes down between you and the GB, Society--I would choose the Society." IMHO being faithful to Jehovah doesn't equal being faithful to the Oorganization.

    Come back and tell us about the warnings about apostates on the internet at the DC. It would be a laugh riot, I'm sure.

  • Highlander

    You're right Luna, it gives him breathing room and time to figure out what he wants to do.

    Personally, I'd have an attorney to secure my rights to my children and assets and I'd get the hell out. In the meantime,, don't give her any sex. You shouldn't put out

    for a bitch that is more loyal to a man-made organization than to your marriage.



    I am totally speechless. I am so sorry you had to go through this.

  • daniel-p

    Man, they've got you by the balls. I couldn't imagine a worse scenario. You wife seems like an extremely selfish person, and your PO sounds like an asshole. And about the sex issue, there are plenty of WT articles you can use against her when it comes to witholding sex in order to get what you want. Print them out and leave them around the house >: And that's right - don't give it to her - let her beg for it before you. You've got to turn the tables, man. Be strong.

  • LDH


    This was just horrible to read. All of it. ESPECIALLY the part where she's insinuating that you will 'get sex' now that you've been a good boy.

    if you insist on using a computer, all you need is the CD",

    Of course, the Bereans researched using scrolls and not just the teachings of the Apostles. But you are different. You are under man's law courtesy of the JWs.

    Oh my god, I'm so sorry your kids are trapped in this.


  • luna2

    No kidding, candidly. Reminds me a bit of how my ex used to manipulate me. Reading that brought back a lot of bad emotions. In the end, he didn't love me and once he got tired of jerking me around and seeing how fast he could make me dance, he left ...and took my self-respect with him.

    Not saying your wife is playing you the same way, enlightened, but I truly don't understand her. All of that stuff she brought up in your meeting was petty.

  • drew sagan
    drew sagan

    The first thing you need to do is slow down, way down. If you want to save your marriage and everything you have then I would take a deep breath and realize that this is going to take some time.
    I have been at this for over a year. It has been a long and hard road, but well worth it.
    Please don't forget this point: Watchtower beliefs need to be replaced with something better. How do you feel about the Bible? Do you still wish to be Christian? These are important questions to ask.
    I can't imagine ever leaving while saving your family outside of wanting to be a BETTER Christian, or letting family members see how the WTS distorts the Christian message. Many on this board who take the atheist route end up pushing family members away instead of drawing them closer.
    Since I decided to leave I have actually focued on the Bible more than ever, especially in my discussions with my wife. Over the course of the past 6 months she has been able to see by MY ACTIONS that I want to do the right thing.
    The fact she went to the Elders tells me you need to slow down. I know it sounds terrible, but I really think it's your only way to win over your wife. She needs to see you doing this with the right motives. Get your family into those terrible routines, make her feel safer and rethink the way you go about doing this. If not your going to end up being the bad guy.
    You need to make sacrifices in order to do this right. I have so much advice to give you since I just went through this, send me a message, mabye we can talk on the phone or something.
    Your wife is scared, she has been told by this cult for years that what you are doing is from Satan. Realize this for what it is, your family is stuck in a situtation where they have been brainwashed. Throw all the rules out, you need to do this the right way. It took me 2 years to get this far and I'm still far off from completion, but it will be over someday. You'll get there don't worry.

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