If anybody tries to use it against you, they should immediatly be sanctioned and rated.
You definitely have to be careful who you trust with this information. I have never told anyone about this aspect of my life except a couple of trusted therapists who were experts in sexual abuse counselling. My parents don't even know. I never did it for attention, just self-numbing. I wouldn't want to portray myself to the outside world as a damaged victim. I know a woman who proudly shows everyone her cutting scars. Everyone thinks she is a wacky, nutcase. This is info you should in most cases keep to yourself for your own self-protection. I only told my story anonymously on this forum because I am sensing how common this behaviour is, and if some young woman or girl knows she is not alone with this... well, that would have been very helpful for me when I was younger. I felt very isolated and alone. I didn't know other people did this and there was help out there.
For the one who said if it was a mimiced behavior, I started trying to throw my food up before I ever heard the word bulimia or anorexia.As a JW we are NEVER good enough. This causes us to hate ourselves and repress feelings because feelings are not allowed.
Yes, Kate, you have got to the heart of the matter. All self-destructive behaviours are just different manifestations of self-hate. Cutting is no better or worse than others, it just gets more attention for some reason. Interestingly, enough, it wasn't the physical and sexual abuse that triggered me to cut myself. It was all the JW conditioning (verbal abuse and criticism) from my parents that I would never be good enough to be a worthwhile person worthy of love and praise. I swear this is more insidious and destructive to a child's self-esteem than outright abuse because it is abuse disguised as helping you to be a better person. At least with outright physical abuse and sexual abuse you know who the enemy is.
I love the way Dr Phil helps those with some problems. He talks about that record that plays in our heads. The one that says, you are ugly, stupid, loser, etc, etc. Fix that record and reply it; I am beautiful, I am worthy of love, I am a child of God made in His image, life is beautiful.
This is exactly the type of thought stopping techniques my therapist taught me to pull me out of the spiral of self-hate and shame. The voices in your head calling you names are not your own. They are the voices of your abusers disguised as your own. You need to yell back at them just like you would if you saw an adult verbally abusing a child. Everytime you hear the abusers voice, you have to substitue a loving positive message for the hateful, hurtful one. I know this sounds absurdly simple, but it is very powerful and it works! Try it all you soon to be ex-cutters out there.
Cog