Anyone know about 'cutting'? (page 2)

lovelylil

Kate,

That was the show. Wasn't that horrible? The parents just did not get the fact that their daughter has ADD and cannot be organized no matter what. They were trying to get her to change what she could not! My son has some slight problems with organization. He is just like that girl who kept loosing her work. He will do his H.W. and I put it in his bag myself and then when he gets to school he forgets to hand it in. The next thing we know he says he can't find it. He literally forgets what he is doing. And he gets very frustrated about it too. I cannot even imagine abusing him like that poor girl on T.V. and my heart goes out to her because her father was making accusations that were not true and she kept trying to defend herself. I am just the opposite with my kids, I do not hit no matter what. And they both know they could be murderers and mom will forgive them. Not that I want them too but you know what I mean. My love for them in totally unconditional. They are wonderful blessings and if it weren't for them being affected by the WT, I may never intially woke up to the truth. Anyway, you are right, there is usually an issue not being delt with. My family swept my mollestation under the rug because THEY were too embarassed to speak about it. I speak to my kids about EVERYTHING. Their teachers hate me becuase if they are not being fair with my kid or something happened at school that they tried to cover up, my kids would tell me the second they walked in the door and I would be on the phone to the school. This mother bear has huge claws and I told even my hubby BEFORE we were married, I do not hit and if you touch my kids, your eyes are coming out of your head! You can guess I was popular at the KH. Everyone and their mother was telling me to beat my kids to keep them quiet. Instead I took them outside to walk. And told everyone else to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!

rebel8

I used to work in a program that treated cutting. Try these books --look for dialectical behavior therapy books that are geared towards a "layperson" vs. a therapist. Then look for therapists that use this technique. It is one of the most helpful therapies available for cutting.

lonelysheep

I'm not having luck finding the previous thread on this. Anybody?

Apostate Kate

Lil you are great proof that there is life after abuse, and that through love nothing is impossible. Your kids are blessed to have you.

My son had a bad case of ADHD and I was the only one in his life that stuck up for him. Everyone wanted to blame him and he could NOT control it. I medicated him until he was able to learn to read and write so he wouldn't get too far behind, but after third grade I took him off the dope.

He did not learn much academicaly but music. Somehow his brain could understand music. He is a type of mild savant musicaly, so he dropped out of school because they refused to teach him in a way he could learn. Now he is almost 18, having wonderful epiphany's about himself, life and learning. He realises I was right, everyone else was wrong (it was NOT his fault), and now he is beginning to learn to deal with the ADHD. He is studying for his GED, and is one HOT amazing musician!

Actually, it was due to his ADHD that I attended my last meeting in 1990! I thought, why the heck am I coming to meetings only to ruin my stinking Walmart shoes chasing Cam through the rocks in the parking lot? Our children ARE wonderful blessings and too good for some stupid two hour elder drivel. They tried that; beat your kid thing with me too. I hated it when I was a kid, hearing them being beaten in the bathrooms, there was no way I would do it to my precious baby.

We ran into a lot of problems getting help for the adolescent cutter. We insisted the police come and remove her from the house, which they did. She was suicidal and her family refused to face it. The authorities had to threaten the mother, since she had custody, to get her to therape, (after being admitted in a treatment center) remove the abuser from the home (a retired COP!) in order for her to be allowed back in the home. The mother wanted her back for the money she recieved. We worked with the girl along with therapists for a year and she stopped cutting, but last contact she still has serious issues. The environment she is in is deplorable. I don't know where she'll end up.

Rebel thank you for that information. It will help if we ever run into this again.

Apostate Kate

Rebel if you have time could you briefly describe this form of therapy? What you know of it?

Thank you

FreeFromWTBS

Lifes Emotions become so overwhelming and feelings so difficult to deal with, a person will hurt themselves to have a feeling they can control. The persons probably also has many rapid painful thoughts that they can't control and the pain of hurting themselves gives them this brief sense of focus. The best thing you can do is love, love, love and let them know above anything else they must focus on their disorder first and if others don't understand that then they weren't worth having in your life in the first place. If they are JW's remind them over and over again, each person is different and they can only do what they can do. The Watchtower led me down a very dangerous road that involved cutting among numerous mental disorders. I wasn't trying to kill myself with the cutting just to have some control over something. Sadly I was perfectly fine before ever getting involved with Witnesses

cognizant dissident

When I was going through a bout of severe clinical depression, a psychologist asked me if I ever had a history of hurting myself. I told her that I used to starve myself and cut my self as a teen and a young adult. She then asked me if I had a history of sexual abuse. I asked her how she knew that. She told me that whenever they encounter someone with a history of self-mutilation there is almost always a history of sexual and or physical abuse. The two go hand and hand.

I also had a diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder. Children in abusive situations just don't have the coping mechanisms or safe environment to learn more constructive ways of dealing with extreme stress or trauma. Self-mutilation works because the physical pain triggers the brain to focus on the immediate threat and release pain numbing endorphins. This helps to numb out severe psychological pain as well. That's why people do it over and over again. Because it works. Similar to drugs and alcohol. Children don't always have access to mind-numbing chemicals. So they find a way to create their own. It's really an amazing survival mechanism. Thankfully, as adults we can learn more constructive ways to deal with severe stress. I just stopped on my own, shortly after my son was born. On some level, I knew my behaviour was not normal, and I just made a conscious decision to be the one to break the cycle of abuse in my family because I did not want my son to be raised in a crazy, chaotic environment like I was. With the help of a wise and wonderful counsellor, I was able to change my life around. Although, I did gain a lot of weight! I guess that could be considered self-destructive by some. Oh well, I'm still a work in progress. Baby steps! lol

Crumpet

I've had a problem with cutting and burning myself since I was 21 - the scars are not pretty, the latest went deep and now are two big purple scars across my torso. I consider myself reasonably successful at controlling it and now 6 months can go by without an episode. I have sought help but unfortunately when I did confide in a counsellor hoping to get referred to a therapis she said that they won't provide counselling for people who self harm - that I would have to keep that to myself. She said I could get on a list at my local hospital pyschiatric ward but there would be a long wait - months maybe years. If you have plenty of cash there's no object, but if you are restricted financially there's not much hope really.

None of that is probably very helpful and things may be different where you live. Avoiding the circumstances that are conducive to cutting is a good start. And having a buddy who knows and that you can phone when the panic sets in that is resolved by cutting.

jwfacts

I have a very nice adult friend who has to wear a wig because she can not stop pulling her hair out. An important thing for her is knowing she has someone to talk to without be made to feel crazy for doing it.

Sirona

This thread is getting to me more than I thought it would.

About 10 years ago I resorted, on about two occasions, to scratching all of my arms with a knife. I never actually "cut" as such, but it was self-mutilation all the same. I did see the doctor because I immediately realised that this was a serious problem and I was ashamed of doing it. To me, it meant that I was a total nut-case. It is very difficult to admit it on this forum because I know that individuals, no matter how "open minded" they think they are, often cannot understand. For example, if someone told me they'd suffered some other type of mental illness / disorder, I wouldn't always understand that because it would be different from anything I've known. Then you get the downright cruel people who will use what you've admitted against you (at some later date).

The patterns of self-mutilation are difficult to overcome. It is made worse when individuals around you don't realise what is going on. I mean, they know what you are doing, but they have NO concept of what is going on in your head. They think you're doing it "for attention" or "because you like it". That isn't the case at all.

All I remember thinking was that I felt so bad inside that I had to look bad on the outside. As though there was nothing that anyone could see or understand.....that there was nothing that I could see....I couldn't IDENTIFY what was wrong with me. I wished for physical illness because then there would be something acceptable and visual to be upset about.

I'm better now than I was, but sometimes I find myself wishing for another focus so that I can put a name/reason/excuse onto how I feel. Also so that I can say to someone "THIS here....LOOK...THIS is why". I hope someone thinks that what I've said makes some sense. Or is that the final nail in my insanity coffin?!

Sirona

Anyone know about 'cutting'?

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