by RichieRich 190 Replies latest jw friends
Make sure your bank acct is in your name alone, then have direct deposit from work. Your mother is a thief.
I'm sorry for all your troubles Richie. Did you ever give your mom our letters? Can you stay with a friend until graduation? Where is dad in all this?
Was the car titled in your name? I can't believe she is acting like she found out you were using heroin or something! I'm truly sorry she will shun you. Maybe someday she will come around.
all the best, keep us informed when you can.
Another piece of advice, since your mom is on the warpath--any personal belongings that mean a lot to you or are expensive to replace--you may want to store at a friend's house.
Richie,
Her reactions are normal in the sense that this is all very shocking to her. She is going to over react and react erratically until she can figure out how to deal with all this. Once her emotions calm down, I would suspect that you should be able to deal with her along the reasonable boundaries that are finally established.
You are beyond her control. The control she thought she had, was obviously false. She is trying to figure out how to re-establish control. That is what this is all about. That is what cults are all about, so that is what mom is all about.
For your own sanity, I would suggest controlling every aspect of your environment that you can. Really think about what is in your control. Even minor things like your sock drawer. You will be amazed how much good this will do for your morale.
The situation of her taking your money seems awfully odd. You might ask her how you are ever to leave if you are not allowed to save any money. You probably thought of that. The thing is, as offensive as your presence is, she isn't going to want you to leave. You will be completely out of her control at that point. Cults never want people to leave, so your mom won't want you to leave.
And I gotta ask dude, where the hell is your old man in all this? I figured he never pushed you because he didn't want to alienate you. But now that your non-dub status is publicly known, I figured he would stand up for you a little more. I don't get it. Could you call on him for some help here? Could you try to sit down together as your mother's emotions subside, and with your dad as referee, try to figure out what control you will have over your life, and what control your folks will have in the remaining months? Could you also plan your exit?
I know you feel bad for your mom richie, but don't put up with her crap. You didn't make her miserable, the stupid cult did. Guilt and fear is what cults use to keep people from leaving. I am sure your mom learned her lessons well.
Take care bro
CYP
Richie,
Rule #1 for life: Whoever pays the bills makes the rules.
Why is this a problem? Don't you become a gillion-aire when you turn 18 (I recall you posting something about an inheritance -- hence the nickname Richie Rich). I'd make sure I got my hands on that dough as fast as possible.
-silent
(((richie))), hope your feeling ok
remember you might feel on a high right now, but it's normal to have changing feelings at a time like this. Keep in touch with your support network.
Thinking of you
D
At the moment shes angry because she doesn't know who you are, you lead a double life for so long and now she has trust issues with you. If she asks for your money tell her the truth, tell her it's been paid into the bank because you believe she is going to kick you out and you need money saved up for a deposit. That places the blame fairly in her court. I agree with Dr. Jekyll. She does have a right to be angry. Think how you would feel if someone in your own family had hidden important stuff from you. This is a shock to his mom........her own son doesn't want to serve Jehovah anymore. He's going to die at Armaggedon........she's freaking out. She's trying to do everything she can to stop him from dying........I truly believe she's on autopilot right now. With time she MAY calm down. But, she does not have a right to your checks, I agree with that. How else can you save to move? So, legally you have a right to bank your money. Try to sit down and reasonably work out a monetary amount for rent. Tell her that you still love HER and DAD, and just want to be free to choose your own religious path in life. The calmer you are able to be, the better YOUR position will be, with them and with your own conscience, Richie. It's sad that you had to go underground to get free, but, that's the cult we all were part of........it sucks. I know that it seems scary right now, but, you ARE NOT ALONE. You have your Aposta-Family here. We are your mom and dad and your sisters and brothers. We will help you get thru this, both emotionally and physically. We won't be like the Borg: Go in peace brother/sister. Be warm and well fed, and never offer anything substantial or practical. Terri
Saturday is your birthday, right?
By law, she cannot touch your money at that point.
I'm so sorry you're being put through this $hit. That is too young to have to worry about finding a place of your own.
TO THE MF WHO STARTED THIS:
I HOPE YOU EXPERIENCE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LOSE EVERYTHING.
Richie, sorry you're having a tough time right now. Things will get better.
1. Get a PO box and have all your mail sent there. When you get a PO box, you can get change-of-address forms to send out to everyone who sends you mail. Use them! Don't procrastinate!
2. Open a new bank account and have your checks directly deposited into it. Have the statements sent to your PO box.
Also - How are you paying for college? Do you have loans that need to be cosigned by your parents, or parent-contributions? If you do, you may want to check into that now. Call the college you're going to be attending and speak to the financial aid office. If you are going to run into problems, the more time you have to sort them out, the better. Whatever you do, get that education!
It will all work out, but it might take some legwork. You can do whatever you set your mind to, and you can be very successful at it, too. Go, Richie!
GGG
And I gotta ask dude, where the hell is your old man in all this? I figured he never pushed you because he didn't want to alienate you. But now that your non-dub status is publicly known, I figured he would stand up for you a little more. I don't get it.
I'm thinking that Dad is backing Mom up to a point in that they have to show a united front against what they consider an erring child. I think one of RR's earlier threads mentions Dad's reaction to his being on-line and letting the Interent sway his thinking. Sounds like Dad might be a bit conservative. Also, by not being a JW, Dad may not understand the control that the religion tries to hold over it's members. He might not get that it's not as easy as resigning from church, so he's upset that his son would go behind his mother's back to do these things that hurt her.
