Girls help!!! What signs when a woman is interested in a guy? (page 6)

Spectrum

GD,

"Or look them in the eyes and ask questions that will show their real intentions."

Thanks, that's a good technique I'll try that one day.

serendipity

Hi spectrum,

If your mother was abusive toward you, even verbally abusive, chances are that influences your perception of women. It wouldn't hurt to read a few books on relationships and communication and women.

As far as your temperamental ex-gf: YES, you should have told her why you ended the relationship. How would she ever seek help for her problem?

Even better, you could have asked her to go to a counselor or therapist to deal with her issues. You could have also gone with her to find ways to communicate to avoid the triggers for her temper. (I'm assuming she wasn't getting physically abusive with you.)

Stepping on the soapbox: People have to communicate their needs in a relationship. That means talking. Their partners can't read minds. And behavior that you find unacceptable may have been perfectly acceptable to her with her background. (off the soapbox now.)

Spectrum

Serendipity,

Ok, i could have been explicit about it but her being a PhD I thought she would have had ample brains to figure it out pretty quickly.

But you've made me think as she is of a different cultural background to me. Maybe in her mind engaging in vitriol is a way of releasing tension and frustrations that would otherwise end in blows or maybe even depression if kept inside.

However the incident that made me think she was beyond redemption was a few days after she laid into me she started on another girl (call her Julie) by saying what immense pleasure it gave her that she was able to make Julie feel so sad. I wasn't around to witness this incident but when I found out the first thing I thought was this girl is boardering on schizophrenia.

stolenyouth

Hi me again, trust me if you come from a background with a difficult or abusive mother it will - not may - but will cloud your relationship with any woman you are intimate with. It is a recipe for disaster for both of you in the relationship. Trust me I've been there and its not pretty.

Unlike the poor girl to whom you said nothing - I am saying be caring and compassionate. Remember as they used to say in Sunday School ( of which I have fond memories before being dragged to KH hell), ...do unto others as you would have them do to you etc... would you like to have been just dumped because someone saw a side of you they didn't like without any explanation - no offer of help etc. I'm not saying the decision was wrong its all about the way. One day someone you love will see a side of you, an aspect they have overlooked, highlighted or magnified - what if they just dumped you with no explanation.

As for being a PHd - what does that have to do with anything. Just because someone can work out pi to the nth degree means nothing - emotional intelligence EQ is not realted to IQ.

With the mother thing, seriously if you want to be in a relationship make sure you are relationship ready. If talking to girls ( you are in your 30s you should be talking to women ) makes you feel inadequate then for goodness sake learn how to love and like yourself before you try to love someone else.

As for your ex, possibly the poor girl just lost her cool because you zoned out when she talked to you or responded to triggers which had nothing to do with what she was saying or doing. From bitter experience let me tell you it happens.

Or maybe she was just a horrible person but she obviously thought you were on her wave length to say what she said to you. How did she get that impression?

Oh and one more thing although I said all men think they are the centre of the universe, I realise that this is a sexist comment and I apologise, I am now willing to concede men are people too.

serendipity

Hi spectrum,

by saying what immense pleasure it gave her that she was able to make Julie feel so sad.

If this was a pattern with your ex gf, then she was a bully and emotionally abusive. But even that isn't beyond repair.

However, if it was a one time thing, maybe she was really hurt by Julie and wanted to lash out to hurt Julie. People do that. I'm not saying it's right.

I agree with the earlier post that IQ doesn't translate in EQ. As a matter of fact, IQ can get in the way of EQ.

I feel sad for you that you found someone so complementary, but you didn't exhaust all possibilites to make it work.

Spectrum

stolenyouth,

"Hi me again, trust me if you come from a background with a difficult or abusive mother it will - not may - but will cloud your relationship with any woman you are intimate with. It is a recipe for disaster for both of you in the relationship. Trust me I've been there and its not pretty."

I hear you on this one, unfortunately I don't know how I'm going to fair in a long term relationship if she has any of the negative traits of my mother. I've rejected so many women before a relationship even started the moment I saw these signs so I've have minimised heartache on both sides at the expense of staying a relationshipless. Was it a good thing? I don't know.

"Unlike the poor girl to whom you said nothing - I am saying be caring and compassionate. Remember as they used to say in Sunday School ( of which I have fond memories before being dragged to KH hell), ...do unto others as you would have them do to you etc... would you like to have been just dumped because someone saw a side of you they didn't like without any explanation - no offer of help etc. I'm not saying the decision was wrong its all about the way. One day someone you love will see a side of you, an aspect they have overlooked, highlighted or magnified - what if they just dumped you with no explanation."

This poor girl bites hard - likes to draw blood. I just saw an evil side to her (maybe its the mother thing) and just didn't want to know anymore. I just thought that in situations like this you just let go and move on. But you've made me think and I think I should have taken her to one side and discussed it with her. The chances are I would have got a hail of abuse but at least I would have tried. She was very upset when I disengaged from her, it was as though she couldn't figure it out as to why i'd lost interest, to me it looked like she was acting like a spoilt child - I'm going to abuse him and complain if he doesn't like it. So I thought I'm not an idiot she has to go.

"As for being a PHd - what does that have to do with anything. Just because someone can work out pi to the nth degree means nothing - emotional intelligence EQ is not realted to IQ."

OK point taken. My blame.

"Or maybe she was just a horrible person but she obviously thought you were on her wave length to say what she said to you. How did she get that impression?"

I think just a horrible person, believe me she is not in my wavelength at least not the nasty side of her.

Thanks for this post, despite everything that happened you made me realise that i didn't try hard enough to salvage the situation or at least try to understand this woman's motives. I will consider these things next time.

Spectrum

seredipity,

"However, if it was a one time thing, maybe she was really hurt by Julie and wanted to lash out to hurt Julie. People do that. I'm not saying it's right."

No, julie wasn't that bad a person, in fact she really liked my ex and supported her but they fell out over something stupid and my ex just took it to the limit.

"I feel sad for you that you found someone so complementary, but you didn't exhaust all possibilites to make it work."

Thanks, but what can I say, must be Sod's Law. And yes I didn't, sometimes I think about finding her and starting all over again but then this depressing feeling comes over me and quickly change my thoughts.

Poodles

I don't like playing games so the direct approach works for me!! If i am interested in someone i say so!!

Paula

JWdaughter

Could be that living with you took the shine off a bit. Dirty underwear, filthy dishes, stinky bathroom. . .well, the honeymoon was over before she could fall in like with you . . .so now, being a good friend and a charming gentleman and picking up after yourself is probably your only chance. Showing what a great guy you truly are (if you truly are!) will take time, but probably the best way to get her long term interest. You are going to have to get her with your best qualities, not just your cute face or nice backside. And if not, maybe she has lots of nice girlfriends to introduce you to! Shelly

Terry

In my universe you cannot MAKE something happen. You can't make gravity stronger or weaker or the moon brighter.

If you are around somebody you instantly KNOW what the situation is. You KNOW. If you don't "know" you don't know because there isn't anything to know.

The best thing to do is clarify by speaking your native language. Ask directly. "I'm interested in you. What do you think?" And let them tell you.

Isn't that simpler than wondering?

Why make it more complicated than that?

Girls help!!! What signs when a woman is interested in a guy?

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