Dearest Rockchick,
Please be careful. If you have doubts now and are seeing things that are wrong, trust me it only gets worse once you are baptized. I made that mistake too. I had deep problems with things I was seeing and was not sure about many of the man made rules. I spoke with the elder my husband and I studied with about it but he sort of swept it under the rug. I got bapized anyway and almost immediately regretted it. I know too how you can feel pressured because my husband and I got baptized together and since it was planned, I did not want to disapoint him. BIG MISTAKE! It took 12 years of pain and heartache before I was released. And my marriage almost fell apart. It took over a year to break all the bonds and still, I struggle with some things. Please take your time. Jehovah and Jesus can read your heart and THEY know if you are sincere. The baptism is just an outward symbol of your dedication. You are already dedicated in your heart. I am sure the one you are studying with will agree. so there is no rush at all.
About the memorial, our family observed it in the privacy of our home. We took the time to share scriptures and reflect on how much we appreciated what Jesus has done for us. (including leading us out of the WT together this past year), I partook of the bread and wine but my husband is not ready too. I always felt wierd during the Witness memorials, like I was missing something. Of course, I was. I have a much better understanding of the whole thing now and knew I could partake in good faith and that the Lord would accept it. God bless you.